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Yup. I gotta agree with the user below me when I say I can't follow the plot of this poem. It's like if I write a meaningless sentence. I might have nouns or adjectives in the right places, but I can't follow the meaning through and then I'm left with nothing.

Don't get me wrong, I think you can still turn this into something bright, but you have to focus on your strengths and work them out.

In my opinion, I think the strongest parts of this poem are the lines "signal of a victor born" and "flash confidence". They contain strong words, evoke strong emotions and an EENSY WEENSY bit of imagery, and set me up to receive philosophy and a plot. But you have to play with poetry. It's not prose. It needs philosophy, which I assume you've got, since this is all pretty airy and vague stream-of conscious type writing. But you need a plot to organize your thoughts in a way that readers can understand. In addition, including imagery and texture and visual cues will help anchor your reader in the world of your writing, so we can believe it, find emotions in it, and play with it just as much as you encourage us to with your poem.

When you do strike up a second draft, please be sure to check your spelling, too. Professional presentation makes it easier for readers to focus on the meaning of your words, not your spelling errors. "Burdoned" should be "burdened".

So yep~ Lemme know if you have any questions or comments about this review, please. I hope it's helpful.
Good luck and keep writing!

Hey Azzman,

Umaima here to review your wonderful poem.

First of all I would like to tell you that your poem was a-m-a-z-i-n-g and goodness great idea here. The plot on which it was based was really strong and I must say I loved it. 10 stars for your imagination skills. After reading this poem I felt like to read more of your poems because they just so good.

Now for the other opinions about the poem,

There wasn't any rhythmic structure here. I am not so sure about this but I thing rhythm is important? ... Well anyways because there wasn't any rhyming done here the poem couldn't be read in a flow. like continuously. I am also a learning poem here so if rhythm is not so important then do tell me (I won't mention it in my other reviews then )

The best paragraph or the one which I liked the most was :

Flash confidence,
Worthy opponent indeed,
Choose well and free forever
Never to be burdoned by what could have been.

Hey there! I'm Juniper,

I don't like to give myself an expectation of a poem before I actually read it, but the title of this poem is absolutely lovely, and raised my expectations of your poem significantly. I can't say that I'm disappointed by the poem because I honestly appreciate the topic of the poem. It's feel-good and inspirational, but the way it's written brings about a lack of connectivity that holds it back from reaching its full potential, in my humble opinion.

I want to bring up the very beginning

Lose yourself to a feeling,
Your every emotion tested,
Come on and let it take you,

OK so this was really hard for me to understand. I had to read it 3 times to come up with an idea of what it might be... And by this stanza

"Midnight calls,
Juices flow like well versed solo artist
Getting ready for other worldly relief,
To choose is the finest honour"

I differed (a reminder that people have different points of view and can understand different stuff) that the offer is beer or some kind of alcoholic beverage, maybe? If that was not the point of the Poem, the point is not so clear and made it hard for me to understand.

Otherwise, the poem does rely on real life situations here in century 21. I enjoyed it and I would love to keep reading more from you.

Keep up the good work!

~Marde!

Hey there fellow writer Kat here to review for ya!
Happy review day

Okay so let me just say I died at the last stanza, that right there was pure poetic GOLD!!! The last four lines was like an epic ending that jut sums up the confusion before. Firat four and last four stanzas were the best things I have read all day and trust me I have read some pretty awesome stuff. I really loved the raw emotion you weaved into your words and it really brings out your talent as a writer bravo! However, the middle felt really jumbled and incomplete, thought the basic idea is there and you really have that drive of emotion behind you ready to make the main part of the poem really pop! Maybe some smaller words would actually help here like is or and . I don't really recoimend this often but when you ue a lot of bigger word it just gets a little to jumbled and that clouds out the main idea here.Gramattically I didn't see anything wrong though so nicely done there.

Really loved it though and look foward to seeing more from you
~Kat