Make Waves

by AzureLille

Published April 29, 2012

In Poems

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Every night
I dream of endless fire
Burning everything I love
Forever
 
These are the words from my stone heart
Always hiding myself from a world that’s grown colder
 
Soothe my heart
It’s battered and broken
So give me my solace
 
Soothe my heart
I’m battered and broken
Please give me my
Own light.
 
Every night
I dream of pure water
That could wash the weight of pressure
From my shoulders
 
These are the words from my black heart
Cradled and hidden from your wandering eyes
 
Soon you’ll see
That I’m battered and broken
Please give me my solace
 
Soon we’ll see
I’m battered and broken
I plead for my own light
 
I’ll dream forever
Of water to fight this fire
 
Soothe my heart
With everything honest
I’ll find my solace
 
Soothe my heart
I don’t wish to wake
Because I want to see waves.
Comments & reviews · 1
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FallenAngel97
Review
FallenAngel97 wrote a review Review · Apr 29, 2012

This is a really great poem. I really enjoyed reading it! Now, what you could do, and this is just a suggestion, is when you are repeating things, you could try rewording them in a way that they mean the same thing, but it's a different way of saying it. It's great right now, but I feel that you could make it better. Like here:

"These are the words from my stone heart
Always hiding myself from a world that’s grown colder"

This is good, but try wording it in a way that will make it flow better. For example, you could use something along the lines of
"These words flow from my heart of stone
As I linger in the shadows of a world so cold"

Other than that, this is really, really good! Great job, and keep writing!
~Fallen



The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
— Benjamin Tregoe