"Even when we were little" she whispered loudly.
"He gave you love letters, are you serious" Still even though we were whispering I felt like our voices were echoing though the large,out stretched room with a ceiling reaching so high It gives you height frights from just looking up.
"Ssh" I whispered to her.I feared our voices would have awaken my uncle up.The thought of them wake up and have them explain that we weren't in New York irked me.They weren't wrong but constantly having to be conscious of your every move gets tiring.
"I thought I heard something" I peeked in two there room.You'd think living in such amazingly huge home they'd have all four kids sleep in a separate room but no all four kids seemed comfortably cuddled around their mother and my uncle seemed relaxed on the bed across from them.To me this looked normal for the living situations weren't any different in my home but one of my friends back home it would have looked so odd the thought of sleeping in the same room as their parent let alone on the same bed.Like this so many other aspect of my this culture and religion I am attached to were strange but logical.
Closing the old wooden doors I turned around "nope there asleep" I tiptoed back to the sofa and snuggled back into my seat "OK,now you can go on"
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKayy...well we're to quite an intriguing start here with this particular first chapter. It seems we doth be diving right into things here which is quite intense especially considering this appears to be set in a fairly normal world and not in the middle of a fight scene or anything of that sort. It certainly drags you into the story quite nicely I think. Then transitioning into the whole sneaky part of things and why its sort of required makes for a nice additional touch of mystery and so far this has been a solid first half here.
Hmm, well this isn't a terrible place to end on, although I'd say, this feels a bit incomplete, its not even the fact that is quite small, it just simply seems like there should be a bit more before we get to an ending here. Besides that slight issue, this seems like a pretty neat little passage here. Its a bit of sweet moment laced in among all the other things we've got going on here and I think its nicely constructed although it being so short reduces its power a little here so that's another thing to perhaps consider.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Thank you so much for commenting i needed someone to help revise my work
I'm going to let a brave soul pick out every error... Just know... Likely, if you were to read over this, you could pick out many of the errors. My big issue... Learn to distinguish between there, they're, and their. And run-on-sentences. They're pretty big no-no's in the literary world unless used intentionally for voice (like in PUSH by Sapphire).
Keep at it Aziza. (: