Doll Disease

Hello, Ruby here to review your poem

I was drawn in by the title of this poem 'Doll Disease'. Even before reading I was wondering exactly what this could be and thought there was a nice contrast of ideas between the idealistic word 'doll' and the darker connotated word 'disease'. It shows that this disease may not be like most, or may not be an actual disease at all, and had me interested before I even read the poem.

The repetition at the beginning of each line with 'every day' gives a steady flow to the poem, and then when you switch it up on the last line with the words "I'm empty' there is more of a shock to the idea of them as the reader wasn't expecting that sudden change.

The actual subject of this poem is interesting as well because obviously this symbolic breaking doll is a representing the breaking down of a person and their mental state. It brings beauty and sadness together in a way that isn't too romanticized.

Overall, a great poem and great job!

Hi there, I'm here to review this poem~

First off, when I read this poem, I was amazed by the words you put. I can relate to it in a way (no I'm not a doll). I can relate to it because I also feel empty like a doll. I get what you're trying to say. I agree with SerenesimpliciT, you should stick to one concept. I loved the first parts where you used metaphors and similes all relating to, well, being a doll, and I wish that you could have continued on with that longer. Grammar is okay, I won't comment on that much further.

All in all, I could relate to it, it was lovely, but not that much consistent. Still, it's this piece that I wouldn't mind reading again and again because it reminds me of myself.

Hey! Maddie here with a poetry review for you!

I'm gonna say this is an interesting concept, I've never thought about using such an innocent thing like a doll to describe a disease, especially one that sounds as debilitating as this one. So, I'll give you kudos for that.

Now, I will say that I think you kinda lost the idea halfway through the piece. You start out with some really nice metaphors, but then at line three you use the term "shredded", which honestly has nothing to do with dolls. After that, it kinda just falls apart. It becomes just another poem about being upset, and doesn't correlate to dolls in any sense.

If you really want to do something with this idea, I'd carry the theme the entire way through, don't just start it and not finish through with it.

Honestly, that's all I've gotta say about this. I hope to see some more work soon!

Keep writing!
~Maddie