E - Everyone

Flashbacks (narrative)

by Avo
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The dirt made a squashy sound as Sofia and Anna walked behind their parents after getting off the train. Sofia was very upset.The life they had in Ukraine, the friends, the fancy dinners they hosted every now and then, was all left behind. Poor Sofia was only ten years old. While her sister was six. The family had to escape to Australia. They were on their way to Lviv, where they would catch a boat all the way to Australia

“Sofia, what is the matter with you?” Said Sofia’s mother, who was concerned.

“You don’t feel anything? We are leaving behind years of memories. Can’t we just stay here?” Replied Sofia.

“War is going on. We are lucky to live in a safe city. But we cannot take any chances.” Mother said.

“How will we speak properly? How will we live our new life? Where will we find money? You haven’t thought of that have you?” Sofia cried.

“Is that your priority? You are only thinking about our new life. But you look at your younger sister. If we stayed there, God knows what could’ve happened.” Father replied. As the family walked, they made their way to Lviv. At last, they had arrived. They saw the boat. Sofia’s heart sank. It was happening. In no time, they would be on the boat on their way to Australia. Sofia spotted her father talking to a strange man with a long beard.

“We need to travel to Sydney.” Father said in a serioustone.

“Sydney, eh? The boat that goes to Sydney doesn’t leave until next Thursday. Your way too early.” The man replied.

“But we were told it was today. Where will we stay until next Thursday? It’s only Friday.” Mother said, angry.

“Now that is not my problem. Go find one of those young boys to help you find a place to stay. They’re quite intelligent.” The man said.

Sofia stared at Anna, who was softly crying while staring at the cloudy, grey sky. It seemed as if it was about to rain.

“Anna, do you want to go get some chocolates?” Sofia asked. She knew chocolates were Anna’s favourite.

“No thank you.” Anna answered. Sofia could see that Anna had no craving for chocolate anymore. In fact, she didn’t have a craving for anything. Usually, Anna would be begging Sofia to take her to the chocolate shop. Suddenly, a young boy who was one of the people the man said to talk to approached the family.

“Do you need a dry place to stay until next Thursday?” The young boy asked.

“How did you know?” Father asked while nodding.

“Many people come here with their families. I’ll show you a place to stay if you pay me $2000 hryvnia.” The boy smiled.

Sofia had learnt about hryvnia. She knew that it was Ukranian currency. After a bit of thinking, she finally realised $2000 hryvnia was $79.72 in AUD.

“No, no. That’s too much. We need our money for food as well. We might as well find the place ourselves.” Mother exclaimed.

Sofia saw tears come out of the boy’s eyes. She thought about how he probably had a family too, waiting for him to return home. She was about to convince her parents to pay, but by then her family was already walking ahead of her. Sofia decided to walk as well. She turned to the boy who was yet still sniffling. She noticed her parents stopped to talk to another man. This gave Sofia an advantage to talk to the boy.

“I’m sorry that we couldn’t pay. But how come you are crying over this?” Sofia asked, smiling.

“I need the money. My parents are gone.” Said the boy, who cried even more after he had finished his sentence

“Gone? Gone where? Australia?”

“No, they passed away.” Cried the boy. Sofia comforted him, making sure that he felt okay.

“What’s your name?” Sofia asked in a hurry.

“Aleksander.” He smiled.

“Nice meeting you, Aleksander. I’m Sofia. Well, I better go now.” Sofia said as she ran. She felt delighted. After all of this, she at least found a nice person. But sadly, she wouldn't be able to see him again.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Coffeewriter
Review

Hi there! Coffee here, ready to deliver an awesome review! Grab a seat and read along with me!
First of all, I love how this is based on a real event that happened, takings huge toll on many people’s lives-young and old! Yet, there seems to be a little bit of fictional content in there too, just mixed in so that things don’t seem too hopeless! I hope this isn’t based on personal history and if it is even remotely, I hope you can get through it!! I like the ending because it ends things on a positive note and makes it seem like although the future seems/seemed bleak and barren, there is a bright light shining ahead waiting for its spotlight! Although it says,

“ But sadly, she wouldn't be able to see him again. “

My favourite line is definitely this one!
“ She thought about how he probably had a family too, waiting for him to return home. ”

It definitely shows how considerate Sofia is and shows how she’s worried and empathetic about others as well as her own life!
Overall, it was a really fun read as well as a reality shock! Good job!
Thank you for reading and have a good day/night!!

thank you!

User avatar
EllieMae
Review

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Hey friend, Ellie here to leave a review for this lovey narrative piece. Let's jump right in :D

The dirt made a squashy sound as Sofia and Anna walked behind their parents after getting off the train. Sofia was very upset.The life they had in Ukraine, the friends, the fancy dinners they hosted every now and then, was all left behind. Poor Sofia was only ten years old. While her sister was six. The family had to escape to Australia.


Our story follows Sofia, who was ten years old when her family left Ukraine, along with her younger sister Anna. She seems very sad about this move and going to Australia. That makes a sense, she mentions all of the friends and parties and fun they left behind when they moved.

Sofias mother asks what is wrong with her. Sofia seems to be the only one focussed on the specifics of what was left behind, while her family is just grateful to be safe. This really shows the child like part of her character, which I love.

“Now that is not my problem. Go find one of those young boys to help you find a place to stay. They’re quite intelligent.” The man said.


This line feels a little unnatural to me. perhaps remove the 'now' and just use the rest of the sentence? :D

We meet Aleksander, whose parents have passed away. He is very desperate for money. I wonder why he didn't negotiate with Sofia's family and give them a lower price. He seems like a really nice boy and I hope that we get to see more of him in the rest of the novel.

Overall, you have set up this story really nicely! We have been introduced to out main characters. I am excited to see how her family travels to Australia. Will Aleksander come with them, perhaps?

Either way, can't wait to read more! Keep writing!

Your friend,
Ellie

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aww, thank you Ellie!



sometimes you just have to cry over spilled milk, and that is okay
— Youbeaucupid