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Cold Waffles

by Avian


Every morning,

I awake to my awful alarm.

So, I get up,

(it’s cold out of my bed)

And silence the wretched thing that disturbs me.

    

Later, after many, many alarms,

I turn the light on, 

And shut the fan off.

(my room is always cold with the fan on)

   

I walk to the bathroom,

(the floor is cold)

I turn on the faucet to wash my face.

(the water is cold)

And I take my clothes out from the dryer,

Because I procrastinated again,

And waited until midnight to start a load.

(the jeans i grab are cold)

   

I walk outside, 

Once I’ve put on some semblance of an outfit,

And I start the car.

(the morning is cold)

(my steering wheel tries to latch to my skin with frost)

(snowflakes enter my lungs and claw their way out)

   

I walk back inside.

(where it's not so cold)

I put two waffles in the toaster, 

But the kind with extra protein, 

Because my mom says I need it.

(the freezer is so, so cold)

(my hands are red now)

   

I wait for the waffles to jump out at me.

    

And when they do,

I walk back to my car,

Which isn’t so cold anymore,

And I listen to my music,

And I drive to school,

And I eat my waffles.

(they’re cold now)

    

And I wish, every morning,

That it wouldn’t be so cold.

    

(oh, how i yearn for warmth

how i yearn for it everytime i close my eyes

every time i dream at night

every time i open my laptop to a blank page

and wait and wait for words to fill the canvas

and wait and wait for warmth to come to me again 

because the cold makes everything sad 

inside me 

and the cold makes everything 

   

freeze 

   

and the cold not only hurts 

my body

but it punctures 

my heart 

too)

   

My waffles need to go back in the toaster.


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Stickied -- Thu Jan 18, 2024 6:03 am
Avian says...



I tried something different with this piece. Let me know what you think!
(be brutally honest)




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Mon Feb 05, 2024 4:16 am
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Spearmint says...



WAFFLES
poke me if you ever want reviews on something >.> i would be delighted to review your works ^^




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Thu Jan 18, 2024 3:14 pm
Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Hi there Avian! Cupid here, I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today! Let's dive in, shall we?

🔶 Top Graham Cracker First Impression!

"Every morning, I awake to my awful alarm"


sets the of the poem right from the beginning. (I actually woke up this morning to Cherry Wine by Grentperez blaring in my ear, a cherry awakening but loud none the less haha!) The repetition of the word "cold" throughout the piece effectively conveys the speaker's discomfort and longing for warmth. The imagery used, such as the frost on the steering wheel and the freezing temperatures, a vivid depiction of the chilly environment that surrounds the speaker. This draws the in and evokes empathy for the speaker's yearning for warmth.

🔥 Slightly Burned Marshmallow: Room Improvements!

I think your poem effectively conveys theme of yearning for warmth, but there may be room to further develop the narrative delve deeper into the emotions and the impact of the cold on the protagonist. Exploring the reasons behind this desire for warmth and perhaps incorporating more sensory details? could the overall impact of the poem. One more little thing, considering the use of line breaks to enhance the flow and clarity of the piece could be beneficial, Other then those little nitpicks well done with your writing! :)

🍫 Melty Hershey's Chocolate: Highlights of the Piece!

I love the raw emotion and rawness of the speaker's longing for warmth that shines through your poem. The repetition of the word "cold" creates a sense of frigidity and emphasizes the discomfort felt by the speaker. The personal reflections sprinkled throughout the poem, such the desire for warmth when writing or dreaming, add depth and vulnerability to the. The line, "the cold not only hurts my body but it punctures my heart too," effectively captures the emotional impact of the cold on the speaker's-being.

🔥Pefectly Toasted Marshmallow: Favorite lines!

"I walk to the bathroom, the floor is"


I feel like this line not only conveys the physical discomfort experienced by the speaker also serves as a metaphor for the emotional void that the cold represents in their life. The chill of the floor becomes a symbol of the icy barrier that separates speaker from the warmth they long for. (correct me if I'm wrong 0-0)

"And I wish, every morning, that wouldn't be so cold"


I think this line circles back entirely with how it encapsulates the central theme of the poem and the speaker's desperate yearning for a change in their circumstances. repetition of this wish highlights the deep longing and serves as a plea for a sense warmth, both physically and emotionally. (*Virtual hug* Me too T^T)

"Every time I open my laptop to a blank page, and wait and wait for words to fill the canvas, and and wait for warmth to come to me again"


This line is beautiful, I feel it connects the protagonist's desire for both "creative inspiration" and "physical warmth". The blank page represents not only the absence of words but also a symbol of the emptiness the cold brings, and the waiting becomes a metaphorical act, an anticipation for the arrival of warmth and creative spark that will fill the empty spaces.


Bottom Graham Cracker: Closing thoughts!

Overall, your poem beautifully captures the intense yearning for warmth and the impact of the cold on the speaker's and well-being. The raw and vulnerable expression in your writing allows readers to empath with your longing for a change in circumstances.

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt piece! Your words have successfully conveyed the universal longing for warmth and the impact it on our lives. Keep writing and embracing your emotions. Sending you warmth and positivity as you continue to share your creative journey.

Stay warm, writer! - Cupid 💘




Avian says...


Thanks for the insight! I%u2019ve been applying your advice to the poems you%u2019ve reviewed (the only two I%u2019ve actually posted) and it%u2019s been really helpful with improving fluency and imagery, so thank you!



Avian says...


For some reason, anytime I use an apostrophe, it does something weird with the text. Sorry if its confusing to read :%u2019)



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Thu Jan 18, 2024 11:39 am
inprisonforsparkling wrote a review...



Hi there, it's Oliver with a review!!

I really love the style here, parentheses are one of my favorite devices in both poetry and prose. I feel like the emotion is gotten across really effectively; my favorite part is "every time i open my laptop to a blank page/and wait and wait for words to fill the canvas/and wait and wait for warmth to come to me again/because the cold makes everything sad/inside me", it's really relatable to me, as is the whole poem.
I really enjoy how the sections in parentheses are more "poetic" (if that makes sense) and emotional, while the sections outside parentheses are more detached explanations of what's happening.

Honestly, I don't read a lot of poetry, so I'm not really sure what to critique here (plus it's just really good). Possibly a few more lines in the non-parentheses section? But that might be my tendency towards prose talking.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem, and it describes an experience that really speaks to me as a writer who does not really enjoy the cold haha. Excellent job, keep at it!!

-Oliver




Avian says...


Thanks for the review! I%u2019m glad my my poem spoke to you!




It is only a novel... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey