Published March 2, 2010
Life had seemed, at that point, to have ceased its constant grip on my heart. When I saw him walk away that final time, when I saw him refuse to look back when I called out to him, my heart stopped beating.
I knew that I shouldn't feel this way, it was my duty to stand aside should the need arise, but I couldn't bring myself to stop the tiny rivers that streaked down my alabaster cheeks, making our final farewell seem even more heartbreaking.
I could hear my heart beat, stuttering and shaking, beginning to thump wildly as he took another step forward, the distance between us growing gradually, and yet too quickly. Much too quickly. My breath caught in my suddenly tight throat as I waited for him to take that final step, the last step away from me.
I couldn't help but wonder as I watched him; would he remember me? Would he think about me years from now or would I just become another past, something not worth remembering?
...as he already knows, I would rather be destroyed then to lay burden on him...
Oh, but fate is cruel! I grimace at the pitying glances that the others shot me, the incriminating tears still making their way down my face. I wanted the looks to stop. I wanted everything to STOP. But, I've never really gotten anything that I wanted...
"Herme...I'm sorry...you know that he was important to all of us..." The cold hand of Gander rests on my shoulder as I glare harshly at him.
I spare no words as I flee the room. The reminder of my unrequited love. My words could not be trusted, for I knew with a cold certainty that should I dare to utter anything other then HIS name...then I shall surely be destroyed.
Running from that dark room felt good...it felt good to run from my troubles and it felt good to escape it all...so I kept running...I didn't stop in front of my room...I kept running down the stone hallways, the clicking of my shoes the only sound.
I didn't realize until I had already arrived, that I had run to HIS room...I had buried my head in HIS pillow...and I had hoped that HIS arms would come around me and reassure me that everything was okay.
It was not safe to hope...
Unrequited love has got to be the most painful thing known to this world. If this pain could've been bottled and used against our enemies, we would have a weapon of mass destruction on our hands.
This type of love shook you to the core of your bones and clung to your heart like a leech, sucking away at your life force...your need to make it through the next day slowly fading. Loving HIM had been the dumbest mistake that I could've possibly made...
...and yet...I didn't regret it.
I didn't regret a single naive smile that was aimed my way, I didn't regret all the words that had only seemed like more to me, I didn't regret that warm hand that had rested on my shoulder.
The only regret that I had was that I couldn't offer him more then an unwanted love.
So, with that thought firmly in my mind, I allowed myself the luxury of falling to rest on the pillows that still smelled of him, and I allowed myself to pretend that he was occupying the empty space next to me.
And right before my eyes slid shut for the final time, I allowed myself one last whisper of his name on my quivering lips...
...Then, my poor abused heart, that which had been broken and mended too many times to count, was allowed to stutter out a Whisper from the Grave before slowly fading away.
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140,830 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
hello, there! i feel bad for her, and i agree with some of the other reviewers. the suspense was great, and your story drew me in until the very end. and i started feeling what she was feeling, too. i don't know if that makes sense, or not, but that's just how i feel.
well, i only have one thing i'd go over, starleene pretty much went over the capitalizing part:
hmm, well, there's a lot of stuff you can do with this to make it less chunky.
*Running from the dark room felt good. It felt good to run from my troubles and it felt good to escape it all, so I kept running. I didn't stop in front of my room. I just (you can add or not add) kept running down the stone hallways, the clicking of my shoes was (add or not) the only sound.*
basically try and replace the dot,dot,dot's with a period every once in awhile.
ummm, just a suggestion. you can play with it anyway you want. i just thought it looked kinda weird.
but overall, i liked this, a lot. and like youreit said, don't make it long and add some other stuff to this. it's fine the way it is (being one post).
-julie (:
I loved it! A simple word of advice: Don't turn it into a chapter and write more. It's so good as a stand alone that writing more might kill it. You can play with the idea of writing more, of course, but I would leave it at a short story.
You did a wonderful job at making the story suspenseful, and pushing me to read more. I would love to see more of your work.
Keep writing,
youreit
Hey Hey Hey! Starleene here!
OK so lets get this party started:
I really liked the suspense, it kept me reading and reading. Somethings to work on:
Watch the capitals, why don't you try italicizing instead?
Same here.
...and here.
Other than that, it was a really great read and I look forward to anymore writings from you
Tata for now
Starleene Out!
This is good! Has a a lot of suspense in it, which is good if you like to get readers wanting more, because I want to now more already. X3 I like the way you write it out and if you continue it as a chapter, be sure to describe things like characters and their surroundings! I don't know, I'm just picky about that. But good job! You should write another piece! Keep it up!