Published June 30, 2010
The first day I found myself alone
is when I started to grow
I thought I needed you to survive
Now you're gone, I never felt so alive
I realize
All you were doing was bringing me down
And I'm tired to death
of holding my breath
And hoping for the best
Nothing ever changes
I don't need you to make it through
And I never knew
I had this much strength
You made me feel
like I didn't matter
You weren't there
as my life began to shatter
I would have never
done that to you
I wanted the best for you
I thought you wanted the same for me
Was blind but now I see
I was left wondering
how I'd pick up the pieces
Instead of giving up, I fought
Now I know I’m stronger than I thought
I don't need you
to stand on my own two feet
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hello Autumn!
I loved this! It was really deep and emotive. I have a just a couple of tips to help you make your poem more descriptive and to make it flow a little better.
The rhythm was overall pretty good, there were a couple of places where the flow was slightly interuppted. If you can, then try reading it through aloud and identifying those places and either adding syllables or taking away syllables.
You could also use metaphors and similes to describe the feelings of the character and this would expand upon your ideas. This is just a suggestion.
Other than those things, I thought it was really really good. Well Done!
If you need anything then please feel free to PM me.
Keep Writing,
~Lydia
Hey there!~
Okay, so I'll start by saying that I loved it! The emotion was really strong and through the whole thing I was imagining like a broken hearted girl weak and on her knees, but then she's getting up and overpowering what's holding her down. That's just what I saw. ^.^
Some of the lines seemed a little awkward or un-complete, but overall I loved it!