Ball and Chain

AutumnSun wrote:She was exhausted, her eye lids heavy with sleep. The sleepy/hurt feeling spread to her head as she rubs her temples a useless attempt to subside the pain. Girl closes her eyes, trying to relieve nausea that crept all over her body. Groaning, she gets up, grabs her underwear and bra. Girl looked down to see if Boy was still there.
It always feels like a dream. It has been 1 year since they had each other's back. In case you didn’t notice, this is not a typical love story. Boy slowly gained feelings but feared being tied down so he locked himself in a place of denial. This girl has liked the boy but sense "since", not "sense" recently that his feelings began to fade. All the sex, drinks, rejection of his past has made him pragmatic.
The boy is not remarkable. He is tall, somewhat good looking with beautiful brown eyes and dark. His skin is pale as a ghost, almost transparent. Girl, too has pale skin, with dark hair and equally dark eyes. She, like the boy is not stunning but their story is. She is quiet, nervous, and at heart, a hopeless romantic. Boy is kind but scarred. Boy wakes up from his slumber. He flickers his eyes, slowly opening, trying to fight the intense sleepy feeling that weights down on his head. He mumbles and gives in, slipping into oblivion. Girl is not upset. She understands. He is worn out. They had a long night. Girl looks at him, arms crossed. She loved the boy before she met him. He was a friend of her cousins. She fell in love with the sound of him, the idea of him. After they met, they dated and then became friends. The first time they met, the anticipation almost pushed her over the edge; her nervousness got the best of her. It caused her hands to shake, her eyes twittered I can't really see eyes "twittered". Another word would fit better., she almost collapsed.
Cursed with panic, nothing to cure her fears, the boy grabs her and whispers “you’re cute” and the Girl knew. A year of love, tears, sex, heart break later, a year of pain, joy, lust, exhilaration, distress, a year later. That’s how love goes.
Girl was stuck to the boy, like a ball to a chain. She couldn’t go anywhere. Boy tosses and turns in sleep. Here is a love story that’s not about love . A romantic story, sort of, not in the typical sense. Girl was so taken by Boy. In a true fairy tale, he would have fallen for her fast. Unfortunately, this it wasn’t. He did enjoy her company and tried to feign interest. Seeing as she was so fragile, he pretended to adore her. Girl could see through it. She, like Boy, had her denial.
One day, he finally said it. “I am so into you, but I can’t make any commitments” Boy admitted.
The words rang in her head. Shocked by the heartbreak, motivated to get what she can, she turned lustful, almost as a whore. She didn’t want to let Boy go. So she did this, accepting any contact she can get, for a couple of months. Eventually, she was lonely and jealous, of the couples she saw. Her best friend, how her fiancé would look at her, as if she was the only girl. They were out. It was night time, a lazy feel in the air. Nothing better to do but head to the bar ran by the bleached blonde woman with too much make-up caked on her face, as if she wanted to hide something. Perhaps she did. The crooked smile seemed to hide some grief. A closer inspection proved some wrinkles, brought on by stress and gut wrenching news. Girl heard of the sad one in the bar. Girl had a friend of a friend. She sat, exploring her. Boy stood outside, looking at the night sky, littered with stars. Inhaling the frigid night air, shivering but barely feeling it, he shields himself from a blast of angry wind. It runs its icy hands through his hair.
“I’m not fragile as you think” Almost inaudibly, the soft voice almost betrayed the very statement it declared. Boy turns his head to the side, catching Girl out of the corner of his eyes.
“I don’t want to use you anymore” He answers. Simple, cold, like the autumn night blessed upon them.
“Then let me go”
And that they did. Boy loved her enough to know she deserved what her best friend had. Boy knew she deserved someone who loved her deeply. He watched her walk off into the autumn night. He moved on. A year went by. Sure the feelings would die down, they proved him wrong. In fact, it comes back with a vengeance. Another couple years, another line of whores, still, Girl lived on in his mind, his dreams. Sometimes, so vivid and real, he would reach out for her. He would grasp dead air, gasp, touch his hair, fall back into bed, and shake his head. Girl was seeped into boy. She almost took him over. Another couple years go by and Boy throws himself into work. One day, when the leaves changed colors, Boy hears she is in town. His heart jumps, and he is almost paralyzed with shock. Determined, he finds where she is. He spends the night, tossing, turning and fighting the excitement. As night fades and day takes over, he rises. Nervousness creeps and takes him over yet he walks to her office. With a cup of coffee in hand, Boy steps into the building, barely able to walk, his hands shake so badly that he drops the coffee, trips and nearly falls into the arms of a pretty, dark haired woman who whispers “You’re cute”

I thought this was quite good. There's just a few things that need to be pointed out.
You switched tenses a few times. "she rubbed her temples a useless attempt to subside the pain." This is past tense. But then, the very next sentence says, "Girl closes her eyes," which is present tense. Pick one, and go with it. This is a pet peeve or mine
I'm not sure if that's how you intended it to be, but there are no indentations, which makes it a bit harder to read.
It was very good at the beginning, but towards the middle you seemed to lose some steam or something, but then picked it up towards the end again.
I also find it a bit strange that they don't have names, but it actually works.
Overall, a pretty good piece of writing.

Write on!

Oh my word, I loved this. It was so simple and beautiful, and it really made my heart speed up! The ending was absolutely perfect. The repetition of "you're cute" really worked.

At first I was a littler apprehensive; I wasnt sure if the lack of paragraphs was just a mistake or you writing style. It worked very well either way, creating a kind of fluid bubble, a snapshot in time. Really good.

Now to be a tiny bit picky - you often reiterate what type of love story it is to the reader. you dont need to do it quite as often, it's obvious that it's not a typically love story without you pointing it out. Also, be careful with your tenses. I know it was meant to change here and there but some bits felt a bit out of place, for example;

She was exhausted...

Girl closes her eyes, trying to relieve nausea...