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E - Everyone


by AutumnInk94

Tales of a new beginning from the scratch leaves the story untold.

All kind of space retaliates the matter they consume, fuelling the flames of revenge in turn, and the race for love consuming that foretold story of the near miss.

The independent factor we keep relishing horrendously…… home.

Aren’t you an original statue bold, strong and lifeless…. But still have families. Mirrors of lot still shedding tears of loss. Half gone, always wanting to stay??? Todays a more realistic venture yesterday was a journey to the dark ages and tomorrow an unseen voyage into an unending fantasy.

Home calls but yet stalling with a smirk, as silence sets in, a gloom is cast and the pretence becomes clear. Alcohol made it all stand still like in a black hole. Unfortunately my heart raced, hitherto realization falls but mankind’s destiny must be fulfilled and his destination must be reached.

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7 Reviews

Points: 335
Reviews: 7

Wed Apr 15, 2015 2:14 pm
adrianne222 wrote a review...

Wow! You`re very good at combining words though my limited knowledge of the English language can`t grab most of your deeper-than-adelle sentences. I can`t agree more with Candy Wizard. Superb writing does not only have smartly combined words but also some elements that will make your story unforgettable like a unique character, polished setting, intense dialogues, etc.

But I think, if you only had spend more time on writing your piece, it could`ve been a masterpiece!

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107 Reviews

Points: 402
Reviews: 107

Thu Apr 09, 2015 11:23 pm
Persistence wrote a review...

I don't know the first thing about writing scripts, but I'll do my best to lend you my aid.

What I do know is that dialogue is quite recommended.

Here you just have a narration, which is fine. I mean, you don't need anyone to talk for the action to happen. But, that's the thing, there is no action, only a narration. You need something to be happening, to be going on. Sure, you are giving forth a message, but are you telling a story? Are there any characters? What are they doing, if anything? The answer is: no.

Why should the reader care? Why should the audience care? Sure, all those emotions are spilled on a page, all those feelings are expressed, but there is no personal touch to it. This is where characters come in. Technically, the character in here was you, the narrator, but that hardly counts.

Someone encounters your work. They need to see actions take place, even if nobody is talking. They need to touch them, without even getting close. They need smell, taste, and you are the only one who can make them feel this way.

Again, I am a stranger to scripts, but I strongly recommend that you add a character or two, some dialogue. Give us a reason why those characters are there, why they are doing what they are doing and saying what they are saying. Add a little scenery, make them interact with the environment. Give them facial expressions, body language.

At least, that's what I would do.

Hope this helps!

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5 Reviews

Points: 484
Reviews: 5

Thu Apr 09, 2015 6:40 pm
AutumnInk94 says...

pls help review

Being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. It just means that you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena