Rushing down the bustling streets of BUSAN, Lee Gong Yoon, a 19 year old boy, reached his house, just to find a crowd jostling in front of his door. Pushing them away, his eyes caught the attention of those filmy doe eyes with tears threatening to fall anytime. It was his deary sister, Lee Eun Jung. Pushing the crowd away, he embraced her trembling body in his arms while slowly caressing her hair. He signalled his friend to clear the crowd which he did. The crowd was not ready to move without any explanation. The Lee family was full of secrets and that's what excited the whole neighbourhood in search of gossips. Nobody there was never actually concerned about those orphaned kids. Mr. and Mrs. Lee's sudden death created a whole chaos in the neighbourhood. Since then no one ever saw Eun Jung as she was traumatized and preferred staying indoors according to her brother Gong Yoon. Today, when Mrs. Cha, their neighbour, noticed Eun Jung near the door with her shivering feet, barely in a condition to stand, she called over the whole neighbourhood.
Gong Yoon closed the door and picked up his sister and made her lay on the bed. Wiping her tears he made her eat those pills which he did every single time. She slowly drifted into a slumber and Gong Yoon also left for his part time job at a convenience store after assuring himself that she slept.
Waking up from her deep sleep, Eun Jung broke into a miserable cry witnessing herself in a dark basement along with her brother sitting on one of those old cushioned chair. She begged him to leave her alone. She was tired of being caged in this hellbound. Gong Yoon just let out a sinister laugh and traced the Hatchet on her skin.
She was trapped again. Every single time she tries to escape, he gets her and takes her to her parents..DEAD BODY; threatening her to send to them. She knew her brother was not in his right senses. First, he killed their parents and now he has caged her. He've been giving her pills to get totally paralyzed so that she can't escape..and this is how she knew..she had NO WAY OUT.
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140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression
This was quite nicely done here. Love the little setup to it all, leaving it a bit unassuming but giving us enough hints to build something off of it at the same time. I think it ends up working quite well as a result.
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well looks like a pretty terrible neighborhood to live in there preying on this one innocent family just because they appear to be going through some hard times and have a few secrets as a result. I think you capture really well how terrified they are and how they'd just like to live but this is not making it possible for them to do so.
Oooh well this is interesting. We're seeing a little bit of a reversal there in all of it. Maybe the neighbors being quite so concerned isn't a bad thing after all. Those secrets appear to be just a little darker than you'd think with the brother literally sedating his sister and keeping her hostage, oh dear.
Well looks like the neighbors should've helped the poor girl there after all. Love the way you twist that up so that we immediately end up thinking the neighbors are the evil ones when in reality its a horrifying little scenario playing out inside there that would do well to end.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
Overall
Overall quite powerfully done here. I think you do a great job showing the neighbors concern, the irritation of our horrible brother here and of course all the pain the poor sister has to endure.
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hello! IntorvertedArtist (Aka Art/Artie) here! Let me just start with WOW just wow you have incredible talent of literature, this read was incredible the little details is what gives this read just a chefs kiss.
I loved this but I feel like there should be a part 2 or maybe it should be a little longer kinda, and maybe explain a bit more? like kinda go into the families backround like maybe
“We were the perfect family in the perfect neighborhood the only thing that was wrong with this perfect picture was HIM first he killed our parents and now im a prisoner in my own home.”
I love how you added some bolder letters to give off the right tone it was just perfect this story has the horror that doesnt make it overbearing and the suspence that makes me want to keeps reading.
as I said you have INCREDIBLE talent I wish I had your talent cause you really know how to keep a person entertained and want to keep reading! This story was incredible. Keep writing cause this this is perfection.
Good evening, I hope you're having a brilliant start to your winter. Thanks for posting this short story, it's very interesting!
To start, I'm not from Korea nor have I studied it and so I can't comment on the social practice's of that region. That being said, the first thing that caught my attention was the reaction the neighborhood had to the death of Lee Gong Yoon and Eun Jung's parents.
I find it awfully realistic, at least from what I'm aware, that a huge crowd would form and essentially harass these children, who just went through something emotionally traumatic of course, all because they were interested in the secrets of the family and the deaths. Of course, it's human nature to be interested, but sometimes that human nature oversteps a boundary and becomes inappropriate obsession. I especially like how it all stemmed from a seemingly well intentioned woman, Mrs. Cha, who probably only called in the neighborhood out of worry for the obviously distressed Eun Jung. It goes to show that even well meaning people can often lead to less than ideal outcomes, whether on purpose or not.
And of course, the twist at the end, the reveal of the true villain. I won't lie, that took me by surprise. I do have a couple suggestions though. Yes, the reveal was rather surprising and well executed. However, I felt like the final paragraph was excessive. A lot of the details in it were either things the reader would have picked up on based on the paragraphs before it, or could have been communicated without being outright stated. It feels a tad bit clunky, and perhaps switching perspectives and describing her point of view, or something like that, could have made the end all the more disturbing.
That being said, just a friendly suggestion! I really enjoyed reading this all the same.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence?
Top Graham Cracker - Mr. and Mrs. Lee have died mysteriously, so their children have to take care of each other. Only, one of them has a horrid secret…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - This is just one little thing that you don’t have to listen to, but I think that “signaled” has one L.
Chocolate Bar - THE TWIST! I loved the twist! When I started reading it, I thought that Gong Yoon was just trying to help Eun Jung, but the ending…I didn’t expect him to be the one responsible for it all. The worst part of it is that she has no one to turn to. He’s making her weak with pills. She’ll sadly die if things don’t work in her favor.
Closing Graham Cracker - A short but spooky horror story! I don’t think that Eun Jung is getting out of this alive and even if she did, would anyone believe her? The most terrible people can seem like the kindest souls out in the open.
I wish you a fantastic day/night!