A white she-wolf ran through the forest, wind lashing at her face and snout, the trees nothing more than a blur as she ran frantically. Her only pup hung from her jaws. She had to get him to safety.
Finally, when she began to lose all feeling in her legs, she spotted the den where her pack resided.
She barked and howled in terror. Everyone began to crowd out of the den, eyes wide. The she-wolf’s mate was the first to reach her. The rest of the pack stood back, anxious as to what the normally calm and confident she-wolf could be afraid of.
The she-wolf set down her pup and began to tell her story.
She had gone out on a midnight walk, still pregnant with a litter of pups when she felt a bad feeling in her stomach. She had crawled into a tree hollow, knowing that the pups were coming when-
Snap!
All heads immediately turned toward the sound.
All ears were pricked.
All hearts were pounding.
Whatever had made that noise was downwind, no wolf could smell the creature's scent.
After a long, silent, terrifying, moment, everything exploded into chaos.
Humans wearing armor and holding crates and guns stormed the clearing. The closest wolves to the tree line were the first to be shoved into the crates, including the white she-wolf and her mate.
Gunshots sounded throughout the clearing as the wolves began to defend their home and territory, desperately trying to get to the Alphas.
All of the prey in the area (and basically the entire forest) were hidden away in burrows or dens.
Surprisingly, after most of the wolves were captured or killed, the young pup was still there. He was barely holding on.
One of the humans whose crate was still empty, looked down and saw him.
Quickly, they scooped him into the crate and followed the rest of the humans.
In a lab on the coastline, a scientist with a clipboard walked to an almost positively indestructible glass wall and looked inside at the small forest enclosure.
After a long moment, a wolf threw themselves at the glass and roared. The scientist jumped back, then relaxed as the wolf returned to the foliage, still in sight.
The scientist glanced over at the sign next to them.
21
21 was one of the wolves captured by Operation WolfHunt back in 2042. His now-deceased mother had just given birth to him and his siblings the night of the capture. Of course, had we known this we would have waited until 21 and his siblings started hunting to send the team.
His sister and a small group of other newly experimented on wolves have successfully managed to escape much to our efforts and dismay. We are currently working to find them.
21 will also be experimented on soon, we will use a modified version of 2-3F.
2-3F?! After last time?! The scientist thought.
The last time they had used 2-3F, wings had ripped slowly through the wolf’s flesh and resulted in the wolf dying from blood loss
The scientist warily eyed the enclosure, searching for the unfortunate wolf. He didn’t see him.
He sighed and began to walk away, May God help that wolf. He thought.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Heya! Mercedes Blue here to read and review
First of all, I want to say that I can't believe I read this now and read the first chapter first. But oh well. Mistakes are made.
Anyways to the story!
I love how you open up a story of a mom and her pup and how the mom is doing anything to save her pup.
Oh no! I can't believe everyone got captured! I was thinking that maybe at least the mom would be caught so this is surprising.
Okay so I know I read chapter one first which had many curiosity questions but YESSSSS. I love a good secret lab story.
AND THIS IS IN THE FUTURE????!!!! Oh my gosh YES
So there were other pups? I thought 21 was the only one. interesting....
Oh my gosh YES. This whole story has definitely got me hooked! I can't wait to read more!
I hope you have a wonderful day\night!
-Mercedes Blue
I%u2019m glad you like it!
21%u2019s sister will join the story in later chapters. I hope you%u2019ll like chapter two when I%u2019m done with it
Hi! This is a random weirdo here to review.
Huh. I didn't expect that to turn into a sci-fi there. I don't often read about animals or science fiction, so this is very interesting! (Also, I probably won't have very good advice for you for the same reason...)
But anyway, on with the review!
If you're looking for grammatical help, I found two (ish) things.
One, you forgot a period:
(This is horrifying, by the way. If that's what you were going for, nice job!)
And two, if you want to be technical, a long dash is needed here, not a short one:
But how you get a long dash (or em dash) on a computer is unknown to me. Also, I don't think anyone besides really technical people would notice... so you probably don't need to change it.
I'm kinda scared about what's gonna happen next... I'm guessing 21 is special in some way, or he escapes. (Otherwise he'll die from being experimented on) I get the feeling this wolf may not look like a wolf for long...
Also his poor mother! She was so scared! And now she's dead! Hold on a minute while a take a moment to think about that... and cry.
I really can't wait to read more. This is so interesting! Seriously, please keep writing!
Thanks, I appreciate the review.
And yes, I did mean to make that part horrifying.
I hope you%u2019ll like the up coming chapters!
FOXMASTER HERE!!! Well, this was quite a chapter. I feel seriously bad for the wolves, and, to be honest, I often prefer animals waaay more over people, considering how much of JERKS they are. I mean, dude, why are you killing the planet you currently live on? (sighs and shakes head)
So, a question is, the scientists in the future are capturing wolves to turn them into like, hybrids to take down the world and make the US or something the supreme state? That's... terrible, if I'm right. Also, a question about this part:
Dude, just SAVE the wolf already! Sheesh! Is the guy going to actually free it? I hope so. I hate it when animals die, to be honest. I couldn't even finish the movie Marley because I started crying.
*screams* I rest my case: humans are the worst. So, first of all, they KIDNAP wolves, TORTURE THEM TO DEATH, kill them, AND THEY CAN'T EVEN GIVE THEM NORMAL NAMES. Psychopaths, really!!! But, a few grammatical errors: you went at one point from third-person to first person, so you need to be careful about that. Also, you forgot punctuation in some moments. A quick reread could easily get rid of all of that.
So, that's all I have! I would say I enjoyed this, but ANIMAL ABUSE, PEOPLE!!! This was sad, sure, but also very interesting. Just saying. Welp, see ya!
-Foxmaster!!! Ohhhh yeah! d:0
Thank you for the review.
And yes, I did mean to make that part horrifying.
I absolutely hate animal abuse, and wolves are one of my favorite animals. It killed me though when I realized that this could actually happen one day. I mean, not these exact events, but something like it.
ANYWAYS, I will get back to chapter two and post it when I have enough points.
Bye y%u2019all!
-your local rando, Aurora Payn
Yay!%uD83D%uDC4F
Hey there,
I'm here to leave you a review!
First of all, I really like the idea of where this story is going. I love the names too, they are so pretty. Your dialogues are suitable and great job on making humans look bad in the wolves their perspective!
Characters
~ Frost his mother
~ Frost
~ The pack
~ The scientist
~ Frost his mother
I think you did a good job introducing her as a wolf mother holding her pup in her jaw. Almost realistically like it usually happens. I did think she could use some more character development. Describe her visual appearence more.
e.g.
Before,
After,
As she ran against the wind into the dark, deep forest, her white mane blew in her face. A white she-wolf ran through the forest, her only pup hanging from her jaws. She had to get him to safety.
~
Also try and provide some more details to your story and some more background information. Like explain why her mate was not with her during her pregnancy. I was also wondering where are her other pups, she only came back with one, right.
Or maybe you would explain that later on bc this is only a prologue, if that is the case. My apologies.
~
Question over here though,
You said that Frost his mother gave birth to a litter of pups, but over here you only mention 1 sister.
What happened to the others??
~ Frost
Well, well, we finally come to our little protagonist. First of all, all compliments to the name you chose. I really **Encanta** that name!
I think you introduced him well enough for us to understand that he is the baby wolf in the first introduction. I cant really say a lot about him yet, but I think he will grow out to become a great character.
You still havent explored a lot of him yet, so there is a lot of ways you can take this story in. I am looking forward to where this is going! I have all faith in you.
~ The pack
I did think you could have made the pack a little more protective over the mother of Frost when she came for help, bc it looked like they werent doing anything, nor showing some symphaty or fear for what happened to her.
Usually a pack stands and helps each other. Maybe think about that a little bit when you develop your story further on.
~ The scientist
Well, well, here comes the eepy creepy scientist who wants to experiment on Frost.
*Me talking to my spider under my bed in his cobweb:
Spoiler
He blinked two times and swinged a little bit, I think that means, "Amazing! I wonder what'll happen next."
"Great! Me2 TTYL Spidey."
I think it would have been more organized if you had put his dialogues between quotation marks.
I think you did a great job making him seem like one of those careless scientists of the movies, (Like HYDRA with Bucky, but nevermind)
Like I said before, this is still a prologue after all, so I cant really say much except from how amazing this seems to be turning out.
~~~
Overall, I really really like this story. I hope you continue it, and make it more amazing! Aside from some pieces that could use some more descriptions, I think that your writing style is of master class. I really like the way this story is going and I'd like to read more of it.
IF you have any questions at all, don't hesitate to ask! If your in need of some more cool names, don't forget me. Have a nice day or night! Keep up the amazing job!
Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
Ps: If you could underline this or make it bigger, it would make a great difference too.
Thanks for the review. I copy pasted this from a Google doc and forgot to put certain parts into italics, such was the scientist%u2019s lines, he%u2019s thinking everything, not saying it.
There are also some details that I forgot to add, such as details about how the fight between Operation WolfHunt and the pack went.
I will probably update it soon, so thank you.
Okay! Im looking forward to reading the updated version!
See ya,
Rinisha
Just finished editing! Not much needed to be though... Luckily.