Like the last leaf on a windy Autumn day,
I hang on, fragile but courageously,
Waiting for the day to come.
When the wind will stop blowing,
So that I can be at peace.
At peace with myself and everything around me,
At peace with the world and all that it bears .
Hanging onto a hope that is based on dreams.
Hoping that my dream of surviving all adversity,
Will finally be realised.
But alas the wind is too strong,
And like all other leaves before me,
I begin to sing.
Sad, lost, and filled with despair
No one to comfort me.
No one to care.
No one to say, hang in there, be strong.
So I’ll whisper my goodbyes, and sing,
My sweet song.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hmm...I think the idea was good, but it could be worked with a bit more.
I don't know that I cared much for the rhythm of your poem, the way it sounded in my head. It changed so much that it distracted me, if that makes sense.
Also, I'm going to make the same point many people have said to me -- why do you capitalize every line? Perhaps, to put more emphasis into it, you could leave some uncapitalized?
Good job!
Happy writing!
~Bella*Maria~
Very nice work :]
All right, not my favorite, but not the worst. First off, you start out with a simile, but then you change later on and just call yourself a leaf, istead of like a leaf. You can't be like what you are. I think. Unless you're not really what you are and you are just...yea, not getting into that ramble.
The second stanza is...too blunt. 'surviving all adversity' 'hope based on dreams'...it's all just too blunt and plain. You survive adversity, and all hope is based on a dream. Try some different analogies. Then 'but alas'? Two connecting words that basically mean the same thing? Ugh. I'd also look for a different word than dispair, and then in the last sentence of the second to last stanza, I'd choose one of those two, keep the structure of the stanza the same.
THe last two sentences are lovely though. Keep them as they are.
I really liked this. It was very pretty and sweet. I wish I could give you some tips, but I can't think of any right now. I'll tell you if I do.
Very nice!
Your very welcome.
Just a thought for you to interpet.
Ok! Thanks!:D
Ok then but you might want to put commas and stanzas in
Oh okay then let me read it over again
It wasn't intended to rhyme, that just the way the words fell.
First I liked it but if you are going to rhyme do it don't scatter it here there and mayned over there
please...If you read it, tell me what you think!