a blind crowd carrying coffin of the undead,
a funeral for open eyes
absence of director
made the flock to stop
so, they left the coffin
in the middle of road
and moved back to carry
another coffin of the undead
another funeral for open eyes
*********
no burial, for they can't justify
and that one can't bury, the undead
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140,281 Literary Works • 673,072 Reviews
Hello there. KingQueenKnave here, an honest reviewer. It's time to look at this poem of yours, which- as its title bluntly suggests- is about a funeral. It must be said that, beneath the surface, is a darker message. What that message is unknown and, in my opinion, underdeveloped, but there is enough mystery there to invite curiosity.
Your lack of punctuation is a choice, and it is consistent, though the inclusion of a comma or two raises eyebrows about total consistency. I also like your metaphorical and often cryptic writing style, as well as the descriptions of the lack of a director, and leaving the coffin in "the middle of road"- should be "middle of the road"- and thus abandoning the recently deceased. I found that oddly poetic. Also, the "undead" references made me think of being buried alive, perhaps symbolically.
Now, my problems with this poem come down to the fact that, whilst I do like a work that makes me scratch my head over its meaning, I do not want to rip the skin of my head with the level of theories I have. Minor clarification may be needed. Also, I am unsure what you mean by "flock", i.e. are the attendees of the funeral nothing more than sheep? If so, why? I am aware the reviewer believes that this work is about how funerals are commercial, but I cannot really see that in this poem. Also, a "funeral for open eyes" for a "blind crowd" sounds like a greater plot-hole than the time-turner in Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban.
An impressive work, but not an amazing one.
Hi!
It's a rather well written poem, but there are a few things I need to ask/point out.
1. I get the general idea, a funeral, or various funerals. To my interpretation it's about how funerals are mainly commercial, or that they've lost their meaning. If you meant it in some other way, please tell me.
2. It's worded in a strange way. Maybe it's intentional, but:
-"carrying coffin of the undead," ? Maybe try "carrying A coffin of the undead,". But hey, it's honestly just a suggestion, maybe it served a purpose to phrase it like this.
Other than those two things, I like it. Not often do you find non-depressing poems about death. Or funerals in general.