Darkness.
by: Audrey Dunstan
Darkness; the state or quality of being dark. Some darkness is darker than others. When you close your eyes in the bright sunshine, it’s dark, but not as dark as when you close your eyes in the dark of night. Physical darkness, blackness, and night are beautiful lightless states that hold endless possibilities masked by the darkness. In darkness lie secrets and mysteries. This darkness does not hurt. Darkness on the inside, darkness in your soul; hurts. When you lose all feeling, lose happiness, and forget who you are, is when the pain begins. The part of your bright, shining soul that was torn out from inside of you, lefts the darkness that aches desperately to once again be filled with life. Some darkness is so dark, it can never be restored. You may learn to ignore the pain, but on those sleepless nights, when the monsters in your head creep in, your darkest darkness will throb, scream, and bleed, tearing you apart. Although the night will pass, and you will once again live through the pain, it will never leave you. It becomes apart of you, nagging and serving as a constant reminder that you are just a broken soul, putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy for the sake of those around you. It will creep into your deepest thoughts and never let you forget who caused that darkness, who took that piece of our soul, and who hurt you so badly that you will never be the same again. Your darkness will try to consume you, and on some nights it may win, but you cannot stop fighting. You are never alone, every person you pass on the street is dealing with their own darkness, and it may even be darker than yours. The world is filled with darkness, but not completely. There is light left, though you must look hard, it is there. Each person has their own shade of darkness, but together you, myself, and all of the people of the Earth can search for a small light, that when shone together can create a hope for all the lost souls.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
I have though about meaning of words many times. How we create certain assosiations to them and there's words that evoke certain feelings. This is not something you can read in a dictionary. So you wrote a definition of "darkness" that works for you. I really enjoined how your style combines the neutral language that would be used in a dictionary and the expressive one that belongs to you.
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Darkness is often used as a metaphor of fear, doubt, sorrow, death and is opposed to light (happines, life etc.).
You played with words. This piece actually tells something because you managed to create a beautiful metaphor. I like that pretty much. I also loved how the end holds much more feeling than the beggining.
Yes, there are many repetitions of "darkness", "dark" and "light" but I think this was intended and would be something that you can find in a dictionary.
I really don't have any remarks. I hope this doesn't bother you
Thank you so much for the review! I think you really understood what I was trying to say! I am so glad that you did! The comparison of what the dictionary says darkness is, to what it is to me, and how it can be different to each person is what I was really getting at. Thank you again
Jack here for a review.
Ok to start of this is very interesting and you have a very good vocabulary. Though I suggest that maybe you stop using dark, darker, darkness etc. and Maybe try and come up with a different word to use. Also as EscapeToNeverland's wrote you have one giant paragraph here.
What I suggest that you do is go over and try and break it up. like this though maybe you can change it around a bit.
Darkness; the state or quality of being dark. Some darkness is darker than others. When you close your eyes in the bright sunshine, it’s dark, but not as dark as when you close your eyes in the dark of night.
Physical darkness, blackness, and night are beautiful lightless states that hold endless possibilities masked by the darkness. In darkness lie secrets and mysteries. This darkness does not hurt. Darkness on the inside, darkness in your soul; hurts.
When you lose all feeling, lose happiness, and forget who you are, is when the pain begins. The part of your bright, shining soul that was torn out from inside of you, lefts the darkness that aches desperately to once again be filled with life.
Some darkness is so dark, it can never be restored.
You may learn to ignore the pain, but on those sleepless nights, when the monsters in your head creep in, your darkest darkness will throb, scream, and bleed, tearing you apart. Although the night will pass, and you will once again live through the pain, it will never leave you.
It becomes apart of you, nagging and serving as a constant reminder that you are just a broken soul, putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy for the sake of those around you. It will creep into your deepest thoughts and never let you forget who caused that darkness, who took that piece of our soul, and who hurt you so badly that you will never be the same again.
Your darkness will try to consume you, and on some nights it may win, but you cannot stop fighting. You are never alone, every person you pass on the street is dealing with their own darkness, and it may even be darker than yours.
The world is filled with darkness, but not completely. There is light left, though you must look hard, it is there.
Each person has their own shade of darkness, but together you, myself, and all of the people of the Earth can search for a small light, that when shone together can create a hope for all the lost souls.
See if you read over that again it makes it a load more easy to read. Though I just went through and split it up, I suggest that you go through and make a paragraph at certain places you want.
Also there seems to be a load full of chunky sentences full of commas. I myself has this problem when I write, of always putting a comma and not full stop when it is needed. If you go through and place only commas were they are needed the story will flow much better.
Also what is this story about, is it about feelings because it was kind of confusing. It would be nice if you could tell me.
Anyway apart from those few mistake a really enjoyed this and I hope to see more works from you soon!!
Keep me posted, and always keep writing!!
Jack
Thank you so much for the feedback!! I completely agree with the over use of dark, darkest, and darkness, I was unsure of what other words to use but now that you say that, I will definitely go back and change some of those! I also agree with the breaking up of the paragraphs, it flows much better that way than as one large paragraph.
The story is rather personal, I was sitting in a room the other day and when I closed my eyes I noticed that although it was dark, because the lights were on it was not as dark as if the lights would have been off. This then instantly made me think of what I have been dealing with lately. I realized that I have been changed because of someone and even though I may move on and learn to control my emotions, it will always be there. I also realized that even during my saddest moments or when I am feeling most alone, there is always someone who has it worse than myself, who has a "darker darkness". Thank you again for the review, it is greatly appreciated, and I will be sure to make some changes
I understand that feeling, keep the writing up!!
Will do!!
Hey! It's Neverland here to review your work!
Before I start the actual reviewing I'd just like to say congrats for already posting and it's only your second day here. Nice work!
Okay, now onto the actual review.I think this is a really good piece, but with saying that I do have two things I'd like to point out....
One, it's in one big paragraph, and I'm not to sure about you but that makes it a little difficult to read, not only that but it doesn't look as good or flow as nice. Maybe you could break it up into paragraphs? But it really is a personal choice I suppose.
Two, it doesn't really sound much like a short story, but once again, that might just be me.
Other than those two things I thought it was really good.I absolutely loved the ending! There was something about it, I don't know, it just worked really well and just summed it up really well.
I'm definently liking this. Good work I really did enjoy this piece. I look forward to really looking forward to seeing more of your work in the Greenroom. Good luck with writing!
~Neverland.
Thank you so much for the input!! I certainly agree that it would read much smoother if I were to break it up into paragraphs, I will be sure to do so! As for the short story, I was not sure as to how to categorize the piece so I just sort of threw it in there.
I am so glad you liked the ending! I was struggling with how to conclude the piece without it being to heavy. I wanted to lighten the mood a tad before ending it, but I also did not want a "happy ending".
Thank you again for the review!!