Impact Introduction

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I lay in my bed, reliving the impact, the glass, the pain, but it’s washed out by the defining sounds of sirens that ring in my ears. Even closing my eyes, I can still see the flashing lights and rushing paramedics. My heart beat won’t slow down and my hands keep shaking. My face stings from the tears that cling to my cheeks but I can’t complain. I may be a little bruised and have scars, but I’m laying in my bed, alive. Some people don’t even have that, like Tessa.

This is a very dramatic introduction! It keeps you on your toes and makes you want to read more! Even though this is only a paragraph it still holds so much information and brings up so many questions. The last line is probably the best part of the paragraph because it leaves you wanting more. I've read the first three chapters and I can't wait for the fourth one to be posted! Please let me know when it comes out! Keep writing and have a fantabulous (I know that's not actually a real word) day!

Hey there Audrey. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Note: Excuse any of my grammar or spelling mistakes in this review. I unfortunately have to be on mobile for this review day.

Even for a first chapter, this work is extremely short. I know authors often like to start with short chapters, so the readers don't get bored. This just seems like the first paragraph to me and like the previous reviewer said, this could be expanded into more paragraphs. They already covered that really well so I'm just going to move on to my next set of points.

I think the easiest way to go through this, is to just examine it line by line. I normally wouldn't do this for a chapter but the length allows for such close examination.

I lay in my bed, reliving the impact, the glass, the pain, but it’s washed out by the defining sounds of sirens that ring in my ears.

I lay in my bed, continuing to relive the impact. My memories are filled with the glass and the pain, only for the feelings to be washed away by the sounds of the sirens in my ears.

Even closing my eyes, I can still see the flashing lights and rushing paramedics.

Hi there, audery147! Scarlett here to review your work on this very windy Review Day!

Okay, to start with. You could really expand on this. Like, a lot! Right now it's just a chunk of text where your main character is reliving a crash without much else to it. There's no setting or anything else. It's literally just a lump of train of thought type stuff going on. As it is right now, there wasn't really any point in posting it. So I'm going to try and give you some tips on how to expand it! Don't get me wrong, Audery. This is a pretty good start.

First off, setting. Where is this MC? Are they at home? In a hospital? "My bed" should make it pretty obvious, but that could mean hospital bed for all I know. Expand on this. Set the scene. Don't give us this. It's more of a Preface than an actual chapter. I would have used this as notes or inspiration and written a longer, more detailed first chapter. If you're having trouble with this, why not start with the crash? I'm assuming it's a crash because you haven't really given us any other context for it.

Now, you've got a good basic idea for a hook here, but there's a lot of run-on sentences and it's lacking a lot of context. I think my main issue is context. Okay, the MC is laying on their bed. Is it in a hospital, their home or elsewhere? Start with them staring around the room, maybe have them feel disconnected from everything. Describe the room, describe the way they're feeling. This is someone who's been in a crash. They're going to feel all kinds of muddled up in the head. You don't have much emotion going on here, so I'm not really feeling any empathy or sympathy for this character. If I can't connect to them, then I'm probably not going to read more. The same goes for anyone reading this. If the readers can't connect with this MC and their plight, what's the point in reading it?

So give him/her some emotional turmoil. Ask yourself a few questions. Like are they scared? Lonely? In pain? Etc, etc. once you've got that down, describe those surroundings! Them do the inner conflict. Because at the moment, this is just inner conflict without much setting or context for said inner conflict. Once you've got a better idea of what you're doing here, rewrite and see how it goes! And once you've rewritten it, let me know because I would love to see how much better you can make this!

You've got a good start, but you're missing a lot of information so the readers aren't getting any other input besides the inner turmoil. Good luck with rewriting/expanding! I did enjoy this, but I still feel it's lacking a lot of what I've said above. Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!

~ Scar.

Atomic bomb here with a review,
Although short, it is really pretty good. I wish there was more to it but it definitely had an impact on the first chapter and not a lot of writers can do that. Great Job! I am really impressed!
Have a great day, mate.