z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Girl Gone Missing.

by Auby


                    It was a warm summer afternoon. The Miller family was outside in their backyard for a cookout. The mom ,Angela, went inside to get condiments, plates, and silverware. The Dad, David, Went to get buns and the Hamburgers and hot-dogs. The Brother, Jason, Was chasing the dog around the backyard. Finally, Anna was sitting at the table and chairs. It was a Normal Day. Well everyone thought.

                Angela Walked outside to make the table and set the condiments out. When she walked outside she noticed Anna wasn't sitting at the table. She shrugged it off thinking she was in the bathroom. David came out and Set the meats on the table to be cooked. "Where's Anna.?" He asked his wife Taking out a Few Hot-dogs to put on the grill. "She went to the bathroom." Angela said as she sat down and watched her son run around the yard.

               "Anna!" Jason yelled at the bathroom door. "Lunch is ready." He said as he put his hand on the doorknob and turned it finding out it was unlocked. He let go of it. "If you don't come out I'll Come in." He threatened. He waited for about 20 seconds. He got no response and put his hand back on the brass doorknob "3." He said. "2" He said Turning it slowly. He still got no response. He opened the door fully. "Anna.?" He asked Questionably as he walked into the room. He noticed that his older sister was not in the bathroom. He Turned on his heel and Ran towards the backdoor. When he got outside he said "Mommy! Daddy! Anna's missing!" He yelled running towards them with tears brimming the edges of his eyes.

            Angela and David looked at each other and laughed. "Come one. Where is she.?" Angela Said Looking at her son. "I'm not Kidding.! She wasn't in the bathroom." Angela Looked at him. "We'll look around the house." she said a bit of panic on her face. So, The Three Went around their 2 story home. They looked in any possible Hiding spot and Room. They gathered back outside when they finished. Angela Was out there Pacing back and forth On the green grass. David Was Guiding The couples son outside. "Calm down Angela. What If we Call Her friends and Relatives TO see IF they know where she is." He suggested.The Couple Took The Suggestion. David Called all of Anna's Friends. Angela Called Relatives. None of them got what they needed. Nobody has seen Anna. "W-What If we Walk around town.?" Angela Asked her husband with a slight stutter showing she's on the verge of tears.David agreed and Took Jason and went to the Right side of Langdale. The small town that was populated with a couple thousand people. Angela Went through the Left side. They agreed that They would meet up back at their house in a few hours.

      The few hours had passed and it was now Five o'clock. It had Been Three hours since they couldn't find Anna. "How long Until We can File for a missing person.?" David Asked his wife. "For a Child Under 12 It would be a couple hours. So 24 for someone over 12." She said after looking it up. "So We can File at two tomorrow.?" Angela nodded in response. The Family Sat in their living room. The Air was tense. The family was quiet on their Brown leather sofa. Jason Was in bed. The Married couple stayed their for the next 3 hours until 2. Anna never came home. They tried to sleep but couldn't knowing their Eldest Daughter might be in Grave Danger.

      The clock struck 2:30 and Angela Walked to the Station. She got there and Talked to the Officer near the front desk. "My 14 year old Daughter has not come home. We've Checked the town and our house." The Officer Nodded. "What Does she look like.?" He asked her. "She has Bright Blue eyes, Dirty blonde hair, And Glasses. I have a Picture If you would like it." She offered. The officer Nodded in response to the Offer. Angela Took her purse and looked through it to find her eldest daughter's newest school photo. The officer took the photo and asked the Person at the front desk to scan it so they have it. "We'll Call A search party when all our officers come in within the next two hours." He told her.

          It's been a Week. A Week Since the 14 year old Girl Named Anna Miller Went missing. A week Since Her Friends and Family has seen her. A week Since The Miller family became heartbroken thinking they might never see Anna Again. Weeks Pass. Months Pass. Every Day Everyone Hoping She would show up at her family's doorstep. The School Writing notes that she would hopefully see when she comes back. The Town becomes gloomy. The People become Depressed. Everyone missed their sunshine, The person Who could make them smile even if they were dying. The one who lit there life. The Case eventually went to court. Anna Was pronounced dead 2 weeks later. Angela and Jason Cried. David Worked late to stay away from his home where he watched her grow. The school made an Grave Out in the back where students could mourn and give flowers. It was Like Anna Dissipated into Thin Air. Her case got cold and nobody revisited it,

       5 Years had passed since the day Anna Miller went missing and was Pronounced dead. Everyone had slowly gotten over the fact she's never coming back. They eventually moved on. Anna's classmates Graduated. Angela was now 43, David was 45, Jason was 12. Angela was out shopping at a nearby Kroger. Angela was at Checkout 2 Putting her Groceries onto the Black Groovy conveyor. She Quickly put each Gray bag into the Shopping cart. "35.99" The cashier said. Angela Gave him the money and walked to the entrance of the Store. She noticed a Beaten Up girl who looks about her early twenties. She has Bright blue eyes and dirty blond hair. Angela Stopped in her tracks. It looked exactly like her Oldest Child. She Felt the tears that have tried for the past 5 years come out in a rhythm. She ran the young female Screaming her Name. "Anna!" The Girl Still looked to the Air in front of her as if there was nothing there. Angela Ran to her. She grabbed the Younger's upper arm's and Shook her Slowly. "Anna!. I-It's me Y-Your mom." She said over and over hoping for a response. Anna Turned her head to face her mother. "Your not my mom! Who are you.?!" Angela Broke down. She Bawled. "I-I'm your mom Angela." "No Your not!" "C-Can I at least take you to the hospital to get your Bruises and Cuts Checked.?" Anna nodded. Angela led Anna out to her car and drove her to the hospital. The whole way she Hoped deep down It was just a Prank and She did remember Her mom and Could tell her everything.

       "Anna Miller." The Doctor Called when he walked into the Room. "What happened to her.?" Angela asked. "It turns out she has amnesia from a very bad Head Injury. Her Bruises will be fine but we would recommend taking her to places to try to restore her memory." The doctor Suggested. Angela nodded already on the verge of tears finding out after 5 years her own daughter can't remember her. Angela Took Anna back to her house. "David. Jason I have a Surprise." She said To her husband and child on the couch watching T.V. Angela Pulled Anna through the arched doorway. They both gasped at the sight of their Daughter and Sister. "Y-Your Joking right.? This is a prank." David Said. "No. This is our Daughter." David stood up and Examined his bruised daughter. Hair Tattered and Cut. Clothes ripped at the seams. Bruises all over her body. Dried blood. "What happened to her." Angela led Anna over. "She probably Got kidnapped. but she  Had amnesia from a very bad head injury. The doctor recommend taking her to her favorite places to see if it came back." Angela told her husband of almost 20 years.,David Responded with a Nod. 

  "Mom! Can we go there.?" Jason Asked his mother. The Miller Family was in the car Driving around Is to Find Anna's Favorite place. "A Park.? Why." Angela asked her son from the Passenger seat. "Whenever me and Anna Took a walk she always went to this park." Angela nodded and motioned to her husband to drop them off. David did so and went to find a parking spot. Anna Looked around the Scenery and Spotted a Unique Individual. Her head started hurting. "Mom! It's him" She whispered yelled to her mother who she now remembered "The Guy who abducted me" She said and pointed to the Individual. Angela nodded and Called the police Explaining Anna Remembered everything. They Came and Arrested the Guy. "He will have a Trial next week. Your welcome if you wanna come." The Officer Offered. 

     "We will now let the Jury Decide whether or not Jacob Lee Is Guilty or innocent." The Judge Said As a Jury member stood up. "We Think Jacob Lee Is Guilty. He will be sentenced to 20 years Locked up." Anna Immediately started crying about how some Psychopath was Locked up and not allowed to hurt anyone no longer. The Family went home and Celebrated. The Millers were happy to have their Daughter back after 5 years of nothing.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
453 Reviews


Points: 825
Reviews: 453

Donate
Sat Jan 05, 2019 8:37 pm
Lib wrote a review...



Hi Auby,

I'm Liberty500, and I'm here to give you a review! :D

First of all, your story was great! It really kept me interested to what would happen to Anna :).

So;

1. "The mom ,Angela, went inside to get condiments, plates, and silverware." The comma after "mom" is at the wrong spot, it is meant to be put like this: "The mom, Angela, went inside to get condiments, plates, and silverware"

2. "The Dad, David, Went to get buns and the Hamburgers and hot-dogs. The Brother, Jason, Was chasing the dog around the backyard. Finally, Anna was sitting at the table and chairs. It was a Normal Day." this sentence here has a few mistakes: The "went" does not need to be capitalized and neither does "Hamburgers"

3. "Angela Walked outside to make the table and set the condiments out." "Walked" does not need to be capitalized.

4. "David came out and Set the meats on the table to be cooked. "Where's Anna.?" He asked his wife Taking out a Few Hot-dogs to put on the grill. "She went to the bathroom." Angela said as she sat down and watched her son run around the yard."

You could re-write this as: "David came out and set the meat on the table to be cooked. "Where's Anna?" he asked his wife, taking out a few hot-dogs to put on the grill. "She went to the bathroom." Angela said as she sat down and watched her son run around."

5. ""If you don't come out I'll Come in." He threatened." the "Come" doesn't need to be capitalized.

6. ""2" He said Turning it slowly." Again, the capitalization, "Turning" should be lower-case.

7. "He opened the door fully. "Anna.?" He asked Questionably as he walked into the room. He noticed that his older sister was not in the bathroom." The period after "Anna" needs to be deleted. "Questionably" should be lower-case.

8. "He Turned on his heel and Ran towards the backdoor. When he got outside he said "Mommy! Daddy! Anna's missing!"" Un-capitalize "Turned". It'd be better if you made the "heel" plural (heels). Un-capitalize "Ran".

(OK, I'm gonna stop now, because I'm sure you understand by now that most of your mistakes are either grammatical or the capitalization problem)

Oh, and it must've been painful to be away from your family for five years, let alone one year!

I love your story, and I hope to read more of your stories soon! :D

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




User avatar
85 Reviews


Points: 14
Reviews: 85

Donate
Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:03 pm
Anamel wrote a review...



Hey Auby! Dropping in for a review. I'll try to help with any grammar mistakes or anything else I can find that could be of some use.

"The mom ,Angela, went inside to get condiments, plates, and silverware."

*their mom

"The Dad, David, Went to get buns and the Hamburgers and hot-dogs."

Is Went a name of a character in your story? If not, it shouldn't be capitalized. Hamburgers shouldn't be either.

"The Brother, Jason, Was chasing the dog around the backyard. Finally, Anna was sitting at the table and chairs. It was a Normal Day. Well everyone thought."

*their brother (don't capitalize that either). Was should be replaced with were. I'm also not sure why you wrote finally in this sentence with Anna, I think if you changed it or removed it that there could be a better flow. Also make sure not to capitalize normal and add a comma after well in "well everyone thought."

"Angela Walked outside to make the table and set the condiments out."

*walked

David came out and Set the meats on the table to be cooked. "Where's Anna.?" He asked his wife Taking out a Few Hot-dogs to put on the grill.

Don't capitalize set. Also you forgot to add a comma after wife and then you should uncapitalize taking so that it becomes a complete sentence. Few should not be capitalized either.

""3." He said. "2" He said Turning it slowly."

Don't capitalize turning.

" He asked Questionably as he walked into the room."

I think you might've meant to write questioningly instead of questionably.

Anyways, I think that your main grammar issue is capitalizing things that don't need to be capitalized. Only places and names need to be capitalized and the beginning of your sentence of course. I think editing and looking over your paper before submitting it would be great help too. Grammarly is pretty good at identifying some mistakes you've made although it won't help all, however, it would be worth a try using it. I hope I helped! ^^




User avatar
45 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 45

Donate
Wed Dec 05, 2018 5:30 pm
potatoefry2001 wrote a review...



Wow. First of all, I would like to say this is Wonderful! Five years is a long time to not see your family. You have amazing skill! I must say, though, I would love to hear more. I mean, we see her re-connect with her family, but is home exactly the same as it was 5 years ago? What new challenges are there for Anna and her journey in life? I must say, as a reader, you really hooked me, and I hope there is more to come. If you haven't already, I would love for you to read some of my pieces and let me know what you think. I must warn you, they are kinda dark, but I would love to hear what you would do to improve them. As always, I hope you have an AMAZING day, and I wish you Happy readings and writings. Catch ya later! 'Tato Out! :)





Every time our next guest is here, all of our lives are seriously in danger.
— David Letterman