Born of Night

Hi Aubriel!

Well first of all, I agree with dogs on quite a few points in the poem, I really enjoyed reading this, and I think a lot of people will. It had imagination, creativity, a dark moving piece that I really liked. You used great imagination and creativity in your vocab, but I still understood it! Your probably a better poem writer then me, but that dosen't take much!
Anyway this piece illustrated the night really well, captivating the reader in the first few sentences with a dark moving pattern that flows really well. One of the best parts of this piece I believe is that, a lot of people think you can only have a pattern with ryming words, but this poem flows naturally from line to line in a definite rhythm.

Well, I had to read this piece through a lot of times, considering there is no spelling mistakes or grammar I can point out, and I think you did a good job on making sure you edit your work. Anyway, considering that's not really relevant to the story I would like to point out a few things;

I really liked the touch you put of the first handful of sentences, you illustrated that the beast does not seek couples of crowds but only one. In this part I really liked the use of the word ""society" as it captivates the reader.

I also like dogs think you could put a bit more description into the beasts.
Like, I don't know, there canine teeth dripped with fresh blood, there mangled bodies distorted beyond imagination. Something like that.

Another thing was with the last line, I thought that was an excellent finish to a creative poem, and really wanted to read more.

Thanks for Posting
CM

I quite liked this. In a few words, you managed to capture a haunting idea, the idea of something dark and painful that exists in a realm none can see it, but something all know exist. Evil.

I would suggest thinking of this as prose when it comes to punctuation and structure. Poetry is far more abstract than most prose could ever get away with, but the grammar of both can be similar. They don't have to be, but if you aren't trying to do anything particularly artistic, I'd suggest following the basic rules of grammar.

For example, as the other reviewer mentioned, you needn't capitalize every line. You use periods in your work which means you should probably think of every line until the period as one long sentence. Write it as if it were a sentence, then separate it into lines.

Otherwise, I have a couple of problems. First of all, you might want to separate this into stanzas. I generally find poetry written in stanzas easier to read and like them a bit more. This isn't a requirement. I'm just bringing up my taste. It's a good way of putting some space between ideas, giving the reader a short break to think about what they just read before they move onto the next idea.

Secondly, you have two words that needn't be apart. Without and within are words. I understand the confusion, though. The English language is rather weird. Smash these words together, put a hyphen between these words, keep these words separate, etc. But it's important to know the rules, obviously.

This line:

And [sic], though silent, moves with out [sic] noise.

Hi Aubrie! Nice poem you have going on this here

.ointers:.

And, though silent, moves with out noise.

Nor any couple could encounter it
On an evening walk.

Somewhere in the shadows
Of reality and dreams.

Hey Aubriel!!!! Dogs here with your review today!!! Well I really enjoyed reading your poem over, it has great description of that thing of the night. I really liked the imagery that you put into this piece. The grammar is solid and no spelling mistakes I find, I'd suggest maybe making stanzas instead of just one block of text but that's entirely up to you. Now down to business!!!

I love the imagery you put into this piece as I said before, as mainly an imagist writer I always look for that in poetry, but I want you to push even more imagery here. I want more of this nameless beast that lurks in the dark. There are two things you can do and it would depend upon which way you want to take this poem, if you want to describe the thing born of night and make the gnashing image of the horrible beast and how no one is safe within the arms of sleep then describe the physicalities of the beast. Long claws, giant fangs, blood dripping from it's hands, a long tail and scaly body. Red vivid eyes hungry for blood, and a mouth filled with knives hungry to devour and decay perfect and pleasant dreams.

However, if you're aiming for the beast that we always think is in the dark when really nothing is there describe more the noises that we hear and the things that we project. A flicker of a shadow, a flash of red eyes, the drip drip drip of the sink but we think it's blood, the flick of a tail. It really depends on where you want to go with this piece, the sky is the limit. I assume you're aiming more for the beast that prays on dreams and causes nightmares, which is actually a rather brilliant idea. Try choosing a direction to go and just pushing it to the limit and paint a terrifying and bone chilling image in the readers head that will haunt their own dreams. That should be your aim here.

Anywho great piece with a few minor brushes here and there and it could be fantabulous!!!! Keep up the good work!


TuckEr EllsworTh