Beyond Feeling Prologue

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

"No one asked you to confirm my prescense, Kisha. It was your choice." I told her harshly.

"Shut up!!! I had to spread the rumor! You made out with the boys track team!!!" She screamed.

I laughed with controlled anger. "Who told you that?"

"D-Diane Guthrey." She stuttered.

"And I guess she told you I was a terrorist too? Or maybe even a nun in disguise?"

Okay wow well this is quite the start here. It seems we are diving right into the middle of a conversation here, and this is one of those conversations where things are going quite badly for what seems like both parties involved. WIth the kind of words being tossed around it seems like we're witnessing a bit of a falling out on quite a scale here with these two potentially being friends at some point.

I was silent for a moment. "Kisha. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I leave when I feel like it!!!" She hollered.

"Please lower your voice." I said calmly.

"No!!"

"I'll ask you again. Please leave."

"Make me, you-you-you !!"

I turned around in my chair and started working on my essay. Soon after, the door slammed.

Living alone would never be so enjoyable.

Alright, well that was quite the blowup there to end on. Well this was coming right from the way this conversation started, but I did think that perhaps things would get mildly resolved towards the end since this did seem like the sort of situation that end that way but it seems we instead have things escalating even further and now this is leaving us with quite a lot of question, which is a very good thing to see in a prologue.

Overall, I think you've done a pretty solid job of establishing this nice little conflict and these two characters and giving us plenty to want to read more about. If I had to suggest anything to be added, I'd say this could do with a little bit of description in spots to give us a bit of a better sense of setting, but otherwise this is quite nicely done.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey there Aubree, I'm Angel of Death but you can call me Angel and welcome to YWS.

Okay, I'm going to be really really honest. This needs a lot of help and it is way too short to be a prologue. Even though this came off the top of your head, I think you should take time and outline and plan what you want to be in the prologue before you post.

Living alone would never be so enjoyable.

This was the only thing I liked. And no I'm not saying that you shouldn't continue this because with a little spit and shine, this can be better. But this was the only line that let me get a sense of your MC. If you're going to have a prologue, make sure it is so good that people will continue to read, this doesn't display a really good writing technique and therefore, if I saw this prologue I would not continue to read this.

How to Fix a Dying Prologue

1.) Use imagery, make sure it is a good length, about a page or two long. Make sure the characters are real and are actually there. Don't just use dialog just for the sake of it because when I'm angry I don't scream, my face actually scrunches up in hatred or sadness or whatever and my thoughts are raging and...characters are human and should be treated like they are. Make them colorful and real or else, no one will read this.

OR

2.) Nix the prologue altogether and get right into the story.


I hope I wasn't too harsh, but this seriously needs a lot of work and it is okay because not all first drafts are extraordinary.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Ta,

~Angel