Published April 20, 2010
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Hey I just wanted to say something really quick about this poem
taken for granite
or taken for granted?
At first I thought maybe it was a play on words, but on the other hand that looks exactly like the kind of mistake I would make.
Besides that, people seemed to have jumped all over this poem so I don't think I have anything else to contribute.
I really like your style of writing; it's defiant of structure. Very nice.
To be honest, this seems a bit more like freewriting then genuine poetry. However, it does have a rhythm to it and poetic language in places. Just remember that a poem's structure is just important as the words inside it, because part of poetry is how you read it. I think the ideas and use of words in the poem is clever, some parts sound more like song lyrics. My only suggestion is to structure it into whatever it is meant to be; if it's meant to be a poem, make it so. If it's meant to be a song, so be it. Just go with the flow. Happy writing
that has to be my favorite line haha.
I'm curious to hear you recite slam =D
I love the last line, always gets to me
To be honest it is just for wonderment.
Think about it.
"before he is wrong he has to be right."
When you have a initial thought in you mind your not right or wrong. You just are.
Acting upon this thought will lead you down the road of right or wrong. You kind of follow?
And also the style of this poem was slam. So most of this was just off the top of my head.
This is very vague, and kind of difficult to comprehend.
By the time we do this....and then? What'll happen by the time we do this?Prepositions or presuppositions?
And why ?
Although I do give you props for making me wonder. Perhaps that was your intention?
I write poems myself. This is very good though, i really like the way majority of the words go together and create a powerful sentence. I like it, keepgoing
This is good, I'd just find a way to break the first lines up some more so it looks more like a poem than a paragraph. Oh, and "granite" should be "granted," granite's a rock.
Still, I think the wording was really good and the whole idea of it was really cool.
I really like it! the first part reminded me of the movie australia when Hugh Jackman says " in the end all we have is our stories, I'm just trying to live a good one" because in the end we all we are are stories and words
Good job can't wait to read more