Published May 3, 2011
The ghost above us whispers vague words.
Stories about towers tall.
Stories about a rise and fall.
He talks about an Emperor.
He talks about an Empire.
He mumbles on about a girl who sung in a choir.
He said she burned within the Emperor’s fire.
We asked how long he’d been a part of the spiritual higher.
He replied, I’ve wondered this world for over millenniums.
I’ve seen the rise of the pyramids, and the fall of Troy.
I’ve saw David capture Jerusalem, I’ve seen the Olympics, and the birth of Rome.
I’ve seen the Persians at war, I saw Siddhartha breathe his last in tranquil majesty.
I’ve seen the first brick placed of the Great Wall.
I’ve seen this all. Even your two towers fall.
The ghosts drifts off without us feeling his presence leave.
To think we were in such contact with an entity full of history.
I reflect back on myself full of questions and mysteries.
I wanted to ask what the ghost saw of this world though his transparent yet all seeing eyes.
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140,340 Literary Works • 673,114 Reviews
I love the whole idea of this piece. The ghost that has seem all. It just seemed to me that as a reader, I was bored by the forced rhyming and at times rambling like a list.
Love Siddhartha!My favorite line:
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I love the atmosphere of this poem and the epic sense of majesty that I got from it. I like your repeated use of "I've". It seems to emphasize the mood and it comes across like a kind of list which puts weight on all the historic events that have passed by. I enjoyed it very much.
Thank you very much! And I'm aware of the over use of the word "I've", but this was intentional.
If you ever seen the Declaration of Independence, our founding fathers used "He has" over and over. To make more of a point. That was the effect I was trying to give the ghost. I know it can be bother some to look at though. Sorry, thanks a lot for the review. appreciate it a lot!:D
Hey Atticus!
So let me start off by saying I enjoy what is interpreted in this piece, your wording makes it very memorable and, in fact, sometimes haunting, such as this little part here:
That kind of sent chills up my spine. The issue I have to address, however, is your repetitive wording. I don't know if I'm the only one bothered by this, but when I see this...
...it's very distracting and it's the first thing I notice in the work. SO, I understand that's part of the poem, it's just catches my eye, and not in a good way. Overall, I look forward to seeing more work from you. Keep writing!