Have you ever seen someone you’ve never met, and instantly started fantasizing about how this one person could fill every void in your life? You start telling yourself this stranger could be the answer you’ve so desperately needed. She could turn all your bad habits around, make your life so much easier just by seeing that smile every day, make waking up in the morning not feeling so empty, give you back a surge of nostalgia yet be new at the same time.
At night you can’t sleep.
You keep thinking about how dull your life is, and how if you could only orchestrate a symphony of Hope luring this stranger to you everything else would ooze away. You give yourself a thousand reasons not to be content.
In the day you can’t speak.
Even when you’re around this person they seem out of reach. Everything you ever needed in life is in your grasp, but your tongue refuses to follow orders. Maybe your tongue is trying to save you the embarrassment your crazy emotionally unstable mind has fantasized up. That this person is human, and that they probably have just as many problems as you do.
At dinner you can’t believe.
Somehow, someway, you managed to get your muse on a date with you. This is where in Texas hold’em they say, “All in”. You’re betting all your invested time, hopes, and dreams that this person is everything you have sculpted them to be.
And chances are they aren't, but the beauty of chance is, they might.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i'm new to poetry and that......... I guess you can write it in any way, but this poem particularly looked weird.... You need to put it in a ........... i can't explain it........ you sort of put everything in a type of place that makes it look like a short story of some sort......... a poem needs to be like this:
remember this is an example,
to show you what i mean,
so don't get weird-ed out,
by what i try to say!
Okay? Okay.......... Yea.............. AWKWARD MOMENT ^_^
I was actually about to say, this wasn't set up like a typical poem! It was very good, though. Sorry, but I didn't quite like the part about Texas Hold 'em; I thought it was... something. I think you could make this into more of a poem-y form, if you wanted; it's your work and up to you, but I could see a way to do that. All in all, I thought this was enjoyable and really good! If you have any questions, ask me. Never stop writing!
It's really funny how you pointed out the two things I also thought were stupid.
I will get rid of She/he cause I didn't like it, and the Angel part cause you're right about messing up the flow.
And to be honest this is a completely unorthodox poem so your review is very much appreciated!
I thought this was really beautiful. I think what I like most about it is how... adult it sounded. Sometimes when teenagers write poetry, no matter the language they use it reads like someone who doesn't know the first thing about life, love or poetry.
Now down to the nitpicks (and there are only a few):
I chuckled a little at this. I know you're making this applicable to everyone, so everyone can experience this feeling but if a girl reads this they can just change it in their mind, and vise versa. Just pick a gender please.
It might just be the use of the phrase guardian Angel, but I don't like this sentence. I think I know what you're trying to get at-- this is the person of you're dreams. But I don't know if Guardian Angel is the right phrase; at any rate it really disrupts the flow of the sentence and adds something less-adult (?) into the poem.
The sentence about Texas Holdem was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I've never really encountered a poem like this so if this was totally useless I apologize.