Published February 11, 2011
On the island it was just you and I.
I was the only one around.
When I saw the wave come crashing down.
I watched it sweep you out to sea.
I couldn’t help you, I couldn’t breathe.
The nights were the worst.
By myself for miles.
My time alone was my biggest trial.
The waves always returned to the shore line.
And I was never returned my cloud nine.
The ocean’s heartbeat.
I could feel on some days, its steady rhythm wet against my feet.
I walked countless days around the island. Some days to the top of the high land.
I just kept looking out to sea.
The calendar stopped keeping up with me.
So I ripped out the month of February.
I turned it over and wrote you this note.
I rolled it up and stuffed it in a bottle hoping it would float.
Float across every wave, and find its way to you.
You are dearly missed, if only you knew.
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
Hey guys! Sorry I never got back to reply on this. I haven't been on this in awhile.
So let me just start by saying thank you so so so much! I'm very happy that this poem was enjoyed.
And I really do like your advice about switching the word "and" for "but". I will do this change in the future.
Once again thanks a million for taking the time out to read this, and sorry this is so late.
Wow, really great poem. There is a lot of emotion here. I like how your rhyme was not always exact and very subtle (Not screaming "Look at me! I rhyme with the line above me!! Look!"
). I can't help but wonder if you wrote this about a particular person or if it was just something you came up with. Your phrases and imagery lead me to rule out the latter.
I think the "And" would be better supported here by the word "But." You say in the line above that to the waves always returned to shore and it sounds a bit as if you hoped that the waves would return your "cloud nine" as well. "But" they didn't. Just a small suggestion.Other than that, I don't have much more criticism. It was an incredible poem!!
Ever heard the saying what is taken into the sea isn't lost forever- it just appears on the other side of the world untarnished? I hope not 'cause I just made it up in my head now. This piece is wicked good and the images make everything so much better!