The repetition of words from my mouth
And the lonely march of a poet
Surrounded by a generation that doesn’t know it
They won’t take the time to look up and define
The repetition of moments from our past
And the lonely theater in my mind
The tape reels just rewind
The repetition of Dogma from my church
And the lonely pew
Every Sunday the same boy sat there and grew
Winter came, and his mother passed, and he yells at God now
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I agree and disagree with every single spoker before me. This poem doesn't mean anything, it doesn't make any sense... but still it does. Yep, it is going somewhere, it's just been heading the wrong way and ended up lost in the world of words. It began with seeming to have a purpose... but then you seemed to change topic and the last line just came quite sudden and I was like.. "Eh.. what just happened?" So, what I think you should do is either split this in to two different poems and develop both further or just try to make all these lines seem functional together. You need to express more, explain more, describe more!! I think you've got great stanzas and flow so far, with a few chops where some lines are too long but that's easily fixed. Soo.. ehm, tell me if you make any changed and I'll come back with my looking-glasses and best efforts
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
I like this a lot. The off-and-on rhyming appeals to me. Also, I love the line about the march of the poet. I can really relate to it, like most people who like to write probably can. The ending was kind of unexpected and hard to follow, but once I thought about it, I think I get it. And it's a meaning with feeling, too. If you want to improve upon it, I didn't see any grammar that's too bad, but you might want to double check. But keeping poems like this the way that they are is good. It makes them more emotional. Overall, I loved it.
Thank you! I'll probably mess with it again someday!:D Thanks for the support
I have to say, Wasp, that your post is a bit unhelpful. Also, I disagree with it entirely: this poem IS going somewhere. I think it has potential, although the first part is a little weak. The final stanza is actually very good, and evoked sadness and desparation. I think if you played with the first stanza, maybe let the rhyming slide a little bit, it could be a lovely poem.
Best of luck,
Spyndle
Yeah it's not. I always write nonsense everyday, and just decided to post it for once. :p
well there isn't much to say besides the fact that your poem is clearly not going anywhere
maybe you should consider rewriting it to make it more presentable
Keep up the good work and don't give up.