Young Writers Society

Hey Atsmai!
It's Review Day and it's MergSword here with a review!

So I usually begin like this: Memorable Quotes!

Every time I crack my knuckles, I feel like the Tin-man, needing to be oiled again: Good introduction, it's not necessarily magnetic and it may cause a slight loss of interest for the rest of the poem.

People think me a used computer, not good enough for the shelves of Best Buy: See, I know what you mean but I don't think used computers go back to best buy shelves.

Reboot me again: What does that even mean?

Okay, also, I'm confused. Are we talking about a literal tin man, or are we talking about a computer. If so why is it called Tin Man if it's a computer.

Than again, I like how you added a touch of thought and depth into the thoughts of the " protagonist"

Good Job!

Atsmai! So good to see you posting a work! How's it goin'?

Okay, first off! This line doesn't really make sense to me. What's a "crash screen?" I would suggest changing those words for future readers' sake.

"Until I get a crash screen."

So... Interesting word choice here! "Ridding" doesn't sound right. I think just "Getting rid of them in our different ways" would work just fine.

"Ridding of them in our different ways."

This next line here, the semicolon isn't needed. Just replace it with a comma, Ats.

"Because we're all programmed different; by ourselves and others."

The rest was great! Wow... I like the computer thing. The last line was amazing. I loved loved loved this poem. Good job, Atsmai!

-Artemis28 <3

Hello, Atwood! RagingLive here as promised! (I wanted to tease you and say it was your darling here to review, but I'm much nicer than that.)

I really loved the concept of your poem. You were talking of machines, but you were also talking of humans. But at the same time, you were talking about how humans can be machines (or are already) This was a very promising work, but I do have a few questions.

On the very first line you had a space or two before you started your sentence and it was a bit confusing. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be indented or what, but it doesn't look very put together. Unless you are giving us the illusion that this computer, machine, whatever is glitching.

or from pushing myself too hard. Until I get a crash screen.

People think me a used computer,

Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a review!

This is a lovely poem and has a neat idea behind it. This could go to relation with society as a whole and also I enjoyed the metaphors you used throughout this poem and how you compared yourself to the Tin-Man. However, the main idea of this doesn't seem to go well with the title- I would suggest something more along the lines of 'tin society' or something (you don't have to take this action into consideration; just an reviewer's note!)

Every time I crack my knuckles, I feel like the Tin-man, needing to be oiled again.

My joints are rusted from all the wear of being used for people's advantages, or from pushing myself too hard. Until I get a crash screen.

People think me a used computer, not good enough for the shelves of Best Buy

Our block towers will tumble down eventually, laying on the carpet that isn't soft, like it used to be.

Hello, Atsmai! racket here to review your poem!
I really, really enjoyed these metaphors. They're extremely relatable and, yeah, just great. Good job! There's only a few things I would like to suggest to you, the first of which maybe changing your title? You really only stick with the Tin-Man metaphor for the first three lines, and then you go on to compare yourself to a program or a computer or something. If I were you I would stick with one main metaphor. So, though the Tin-Man thing is good, I might take it out and replace it with something that fits with the rest of the poem? So, something computer-ish and broken (My personal opinion, but a sweet title would be something like Reboot me or Refreshed).
So, your lines are a little long for a poem, so I think I'll suggest some ways to break them up, 'kay? So, generally, where there's a comma, a line ends. Sometimes people do funky breaks, but generally, that's the rule. So, here's a sample quote.

My joints are rusted
From all the wear of being used for people's advantages,
or from pushing myself too hard.

Until I get a crash screen.

People think me a used computer,
Not good enough for the shelves of Best Buy.