z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Adventures of Darren Cassidy - Chapter Six, Part Eight - Midweek Action

by BrumalHunter


‘Hey, don’t worry!’ Aiden said reassuringly. ‘We won’t know how things will turn out until we get the scenarios.’

‘I’m glad you think so.’

‘Aiden, your avatar is Charles the Pidove,’ Mr Van der Brunnen announced after following the same die-rolling, coin-flipping procedure as earlier, ‘and Tyler, your avatar is Diana the Vanillish. This time, both are Tier Three, and yes, Tyler, Tier Three Pidoves are possible, though rare.’

The Torkoal proceeded to list the two Pokémon’s ideal statistics, after which Aiden whistled and grinned at Tyler. ‘See? I told you to have some faith.’

Emboldened by the circumstances and Aiden’s words, Tyler indeed role-played a victory – not that the Growlithe had gone easy on him. It was neither sportsmanlike nor in Aiden’s nature.

‘Next we have…’ Mr Van der Brunnen once again repeated his routine, ‘Darren versus… Minerva.’

‘Great,’ the Electrike responded, much in the same way Tyler had.

Minerva sighed audibly. ‘Oh, come on, Darren! You saw what just happened.’

‘I assure you, this was completely random,’ Mr Van der Brunnen added, ‘the die chose, not me. Well, that leaves Seamus versus Nicole after you two. Darren, your avatar is Erik the Avalugg, whereas Minerva’s is Fiona the Seismitoad.

‘Their statistics are, respectively and in the same order as the statistical percentages as those of the previous avatars: ninety-five, one-hundred and seventeen, one-hundred and eighty-four, forty-four, forty-six, and twenty eight, averaging at five-hundred and fourteen; as well as one-hundred and five, ninety-five, seventy-five, eighty-five, seventy-five, and seventy-four, averaging at five-hundred and nine. Attacks?’

‘Drain Punch, Hydro Pump–’

‘Tier Three, Minerva, not Tier Four,’ Mr Van der Brunnen said calmly, but firmly. ‘Remember, I changed it.’

Minerva looked slightly taken aback and took a moment to recover. Darren supposed she hadn’t expected her immediate, confident response to be interrupted.

‘Sorry, sir. Drain Punch, Muddy Water, Mud Shot, and Hyper Voice.’

Darren continued thinking about his decision a few seconds after Minerva stopped speaking. He quickly answered when he realised everyone was waiting (impatiently).

‘Err, Skull Bash, Avalance, Recover, and…’ Darren thought about any other moves slow, heavy Pokémon would use. ‘And curse.’

‘Training?’

‘Ten per cent to Health, Attack, and Defence,’ Minerva swiftly responded.

‘Twenty to Health and ten to Attack.’

‘Begin.’

‘Fiona uses Drain Punch!’

Darren looked down at his desk. ‘What’s the Avalugg’s name again, sir?’

‘Erik – spelled with a k.’

While the spelling was irrelevant, Darren was glad there was no further comment. ‘Then Erik uses Curse.’

‘I shall say this only once, since it will be the same throughout the scenario: Fiona’s Drain Punch is supereffective. Erik has eighty-four per cent Health left, before his Attack and Defence is increased.’

‘Fiona uses Drain Punch!’

‘Erik uses Skull Bash!’

‘Erik has sixty-four per cent Health left.’ After Darren and Minerva repeated their moves, the Torkoal said, ‘Erik has forty-five per cent Health left, whereas Fiona has… oh. Along with all his enchancements, Erik does one-hundred and forty-three per cent damage, which is more than enough to knock out Fiona, who has a mere one-hundred and fifteen per cent Health. Well done, Darren.’

Minerva blinked. ‘That was over quickly. Congratulations.’

Seamus and Nicole’s fight was over equally fast, with Seamus’ Golett (“Seamus, your avatar is Gary the Golett. Why are you all laughing?”) being knocked out by Nicole’s Scrafty (“Nicole, your avatar is Herk the Scrafty. All right, if you lot find my names amusing, you can– Never mind. Be quiet and let them have at it.”). Unfortunately, there was still time left after that, so Mr Van der Brunnen had them work out the scenarios he had placed on their desks beforehand anyway. (Black smoke wafted through the class until the bell rang to free them all from the choking hazard.)

‘Maybe we shouldn’t have laughed that loud, should we?’ Tyler asked when they were well out of earshot of the class.

‘Maybe not,’ Aiden agreed. ‘Let’s hope he’ll have forgiven us by Zekday.

‘Well, it’s not like he can give us more of those boring papers to work out,’ Darren said, trying to allay Tyler’s worries. ‘He already said that you, Nicole, Leslie and I – an unlikely combination of winners, no offense intended – would compete against each other in team scenarios during the next period, and though he may be old and literally boiling over with smoke, he’s fair. He won’t go back on his word.’

‘Good,’ Tyler said. He glanced back at the school, which was now hidden from sight by the village’s other buildings. ‘Those scenarios were… what would be an appropriate word?’

‘Agonising?’ Aiden offered.

‘Yes, exactly! I’m exhausted after them, so I’m just gonna go home and flop onto my bed. See you guys tomorrow!’

Tyler dashed off towards the marketplace, which was close to his home. Darren and Aiden watched him go, but a high-pitched yelp from behind the carpenter’s workshop beside them drew their attention. Darren furrowed his brow.

‘Shall we–?’

‘Of course!’

They ran around the side, but Darren gasped when he saw Leslie cornered by Malcolm and Seamus. Aiden, meanwhile, literally glowed with fury. The three weren’t aware they had been discovered, but the Growlithe quickly corrected that.

‘Let him go, Malcolm!’

Three pairs of eyes shot to the two canines. The Venipede and Ivysaur turned around, allowing Leslie to escape over their heads and land behind Aiden.

‘If it isn’t the Dynamic Duo come to save the day…’ Malcolm mused.

‘You’re a bully, Malcolm. I tend to torch bullies, so you and Seamus might want to leave before I accidentally Flame Wheel you.’

A stare-down followed, but it was brief.

‘Come on, Seamus. There’s no more fun to be had here.’

Darren saw it took all of Aiden’s willpower not to attack the two from behind. Once they left, he turned to Leslie.

‘Are you all right?’ Darren asked.

‘Yeah, thanks. I’m just a little shaken after that Vine Whip…’ Leslie flapped his wings and shivered. ‘Thanks for helping, guys.’

‘No problem!’ Aiden replied. ‘They’re losers, and not just because you beat Malcolm fairly. How about I take you home?’

‘Sure.’

‘Okay, great! I’ll be seeing you, Darren.’

While Aiden escorted Leslie home, Darren stayed put. He tried to fathom why Malcolm and Seamus would enjoy hurting Pokémon, but when he couldn’t think of any reason, he shook his head and headed for home himself.


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Sun Nov 29, 2015 6:20 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...



It's been what, three weeks since I read the last chapter? This is not good planning on my part. Anyways, going on:

General Comments:

If you're going to add in so many funny details in a summary of events, why not write out the whole thing? It might seem like filler material, but you can always add in something that will make the extra words worthwhile.

Example: when you "fast-forwarded" through Seamus and Nicole's battle, you missed an opportunity to deepen their characters. I counted eight students, yet I really only know four of them very well. How those two react to adversity in an environment more competitive than Mr Kana's class says something about them. Seamus especially would benefit from added characterization because he's the current main antagonist's lackey. Is he generally a nice guy, but doesn't know what he's doing? Does his ability to downplay his meanness rival Malcolm's?

You can always skip over the numbers (because I doubt Darren paid much attention to them), but how the characters interact is important-- main character or not.

Details:

1. I see you followed my advice on the numbers. They're much easier to read now. Thank you!

2. The Erik-spelled-with-a-k thing made me laugh. Granted, that might have been partially because the Little Mermaid cast has both a Kaleb and a Caleb.

3. Typo:

There pairs of eyes shot to the two canines.


[ccolor=blue]Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:[/color]

1. Wow Malcolm's a jerk. His ability to hide it for most of the school day is impressive though, and I can't wait to see that conniving side of him fill out. (It's always fun to find characters to hate.)

2. Is Aiden the one with the hero complex? I remember you talking to me about that, but I figured it'd be Darren until now.

3. Poor Minerva keeps getting outdone! Hopefully she'll get a chance to redeem herself.

Hmm... and I think that's it for this chapter. Onwards and upwards!
-Buggie




BrumalHunter says...


No worries.

Comments:
1. Seamus and Nicole didn't battle. Seamus was over on the other side with Tyler, Aiden, and Malcolm.
2. The map is my solution to all of this. If I want to draw a map, I need to know which buildings there are and how many residences to add. Once I know how many Pokemon there are in the village, I can start working on their occupations. Since there were several spots still open when it came to significant jobs, I had to add more families. Now, everyone's backstory is more complete.
3. Though that is undeniably a typo, it's not a malapropism; I didn't mean "their", but "three".

Impressions:
1. This is only the start, I assure you.
2. Before I answer that question, I'd love it if you analysed the position Darren, Aiden, Tyler, and Leslie have in their circle. Sometimes, just writing these things out helps clarify matters.
3. She will.

Ditto that.



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Sun Nov 29, 2015 5:45 am
EnderFlash wrote a review...



le gasp. I'm first?

Tyler's proclaimed exhaustion/annoyance confuse me. In general, no one reacted negatively to the scenarios in the last chapter; in fact, I believe that most of them were happy. I can't see his facial expressions, so I end up plastering a smile onto him to go along with those exclamations and that doesn't fit his words.

Darren's emotions aren't shown well during the bullying incident, either. Aidan's more expressive than he is. I mean, this is in his perspective, right?

Also on the bullying- again, details. A cruel smirk from Malcolm or a grumble of disappointment from Seamus. Nervous, chirpy pleas from Leslie as his two tormentors prepare a move. I want to be able to envision the scene.

---

On to the comments!

1. I do hope that this isn't the battle between Darren and Minerva that you were building up towards xD I doubt it is. Until then, we can see them clashing in smaller brawls.

2. Now we get to see more of Malcolm's, ahem, less than pleasant side. I'm always interested in how these bully characters turn out, so I'll just wait and see.

3. Trying to figure out bullies is a slow process... Well, I can't really say anything since my experience in that field is null. It sure sounds that way, though.




BrumalHunter says...


*gasp* You are!

Comments:
1. "Unfortunately, there was still time left after that, so Mr Van der Brunnen had them work out the scenarios he had placed on their desks beforehand anyway. (Black smoke wafted through the class until the bell rang to free them all from the choking hazard.)"
~ Don't tell me you missed that whole part? The agonising scenarios were the ones they had to work out on their own.
2. Darren doesn't like bullying, but Leslie is Aiden's friend, so Aiden's bound to be more passionate.
3. Ah, I see what you mean.

Impressions:
1. Minerva was nowhere near here. Also, it's still Giraday (Wednesday) in this chapter. The battle will take place on Zekday (Friday).
2. Yes, you will. :twisted:
3. I've had little trouble with them in primary school, so I can only say they were a nuisance to me.



EnderFlash says...


Super late reply, go! I kind of forgot about answering this, hehe... Yeah, sorry.

[Comments #1 ]. Oh, that! I didn't automatically connect the two, sorry. It's good to have things cleared up.

[Impressions #1 ]. I meant the 'battle' in the first half of the chapter, where it was a bunch of hypothetical scenarios.



BrumalHunter says...


Clarification is always good. As for the battle, that happened in the subject named "Battle". The scenarios were in a different subject, namely "Experience."



EnderFlash says...


Yeah, I imagined that it wasn't the one. It would've been funny (and very despairing) of you to make the scenarios the ending point. You wouldn't, though.



BrumalHunter says...


You're right; I wouldn't. I keep my promises. ;)




have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
— Shady