z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Adventures of Darren Cassidy - Chapter Seven, Part Five - Not so Great Expectations

by BrumalHunter


After the lesson, Darren was inclined to silence and did not want to talk about it. Tyler never liked to talk much about classes anyway. Aiden, of course, did.

‘How about,’ Darren said, deflecting another of Aiden’s unending questions, ‘we rather learn from our mistakes and never upset Mr Williams like that again?’

Aiden was reluctant, but he probably knew he wouldn’t get any further and relented. He didn’t seem to know what to say afterwards, though, so the trio sat on the pavilion for thirty minutes with only the occasional exchange.

Thus, when the bell rang for Behaviour, Darren was relieved. At least when he was busy with work, he could focus on that and nothing else. Apparently, it did not suit Arceus to allow it to be so.

‘We aren’t going to be doing any work today,’ Mr Cameron said once everyone was seated, ‘so you can do whatever you like, as long as the school rules permit it and you don’t get too loud.’

Minerva was appalled. ‘But, sir!’ she exclaimed. ‘We still have to discuss hereditary moves and the effects they can have on later generations.’

‘That is correct, but we’ll discuss that during the next lesson.’

The Vulpix was not satisfied. ‘Why not now?’

‘I didn’t prepare a lesson.’

Minerva was more shocked than ever. She wanted to comment, but she apparently didn’t know what to say; her mouth simply opened and closed without words coming out. In the end, she pursed her lips and began summarising the work anyway.

‘Why won’t you just accept the free period?’ Darren heard Nicole ask. (He himself has decided to copy Minerva, since he felt cheated.)

‘We are not in school to socialise!’ Minerva hissed. ‘We are here to be educated, and,’ she glanced at the reading Granbull and lowered her voice, ‘for a teacher not to prepare a lesson is shameful.’

‘I’m sure he has a perfectly reasonable explanation.’

‘Then why didn’t he offer one?’

‘Fine, I’ll ask.’ Raising her voice to its normal volume, Nicole asked, ‘Mr Cameron, why don’t we have a lesson today?’

‘I thought you of all Pokémon wouldn’t mind,’ he replied, still reading. From Darren’s perspective, it looked like a novel.

I don’t, but I can’t say the same of others…’

‘If you must know, I’m visiting my sister in Faylinn Town next week.’

Conversations died and heads turned as all focus was suddenly on the teacher.

‘I didn’t realise next week was a holiday,’ Aiden said. ‘Was it recently announced? I didn’t hear anything about it on the radio…’

The Granbull inserted his bookmark and closed the novel. ‘It isn’t. Headmistress Williams will only allow it on one condition.’

When he didn’t elaborate, Minerva asked, ‘What is this condition, sir?’

‘Headmistress Williams would never make bets, but if she did, she would bet against Miss Antoinette, which is to say, that it would not happen.’

‘Are you just as confused as I am?’ Tyler whispered to Darren.

‘Pretty much.’

Evidently, Minerva was too. ‘I’m sorry, sir, but what does that mean?’

‘It means I may only leave if a certain condition is met, as I have said, but Headmistress Williams doubts that it will be, so she has forbidden me to tell you.’

‘What will happen if it isn’t?’

‘Then it’s business as usual and we discuss hereditary moves on Diaday.’ Without another word, he opened his book and continued reading.

Aiden, curious as he was, immediately began speculating on what the condition could be, and since summarising the work was really boring, Darren packed away his books and joined the discussion. Minerva’s curiosity got the better of her, so she did the same. At the end of the period, however, Aiden, Tyler, Darren, Minerva, Leslie, and Nicole had come to no plausible conclusion.

‘I’ll check with my mom at the post office,’ Tyler said. ‘If there’s been a spike in mail, we’ll know something’s up.’

The Axew greeted them, and Darren expected Aiden to leave too, but the Growlithe just gazed at him with his eternal smile painted on his face. The look was received with furrowed brow and tilted head.

‘Aren’t you going home?’

‘Not unless you want me too. We didn’t receive any homework today, and we don’t have any for tomorrow either, so we have the afternoon off.’

‘Oh,’ Darren said, pleasantly surprised. ‘Okay, sure. I’ll just go check in with my mom to see if she wanted me to do anything.’

Aiden followed Darren to the power station, bounding behind him. ‘Do we have a town map?’

Darren gave his friend a sideways glance. ‘If anything, it would probably be a village map. But no, I don’t think so. Why?’

‘I don’t know, I just thought it might be useful.’

‘Again, why? We live here already, so we know where everything is. And it’s not like we’re expecting visitors or anything. Even if we did, we could just show them around ourselves.’ When he heard no response and realised he didn’t hear Aiden’s impacts with the ground either, he turned around. The Growlithe seemed thoughtful. ‘You’re going to create a map yourself, aren’t you?’

‘I was considering it, but now I am, yes.’ He turned and loped to his house. Calling over his shoulder, he said, ‘I’ll see you in an hour or so!’

Chuckling, Darren shook his head. Once Aiden decided to do something, there was little chance of convincing him otherwise.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
88 Reviews


Points: 2954
Reviews: 88

Donate
Sat Jan 09, 2016 4:34 am
EnderFlash wrote a review...



... Interview with Squills? I apologize if I'm being nosy (because I am, really), but it seems like that contained information and it'd be nice if I could know a bit more on it. Or not. You know what, I'm just going to go onto the review and stop making a fool of myself.

---

Buggie mentioned typos. I will now dig one up.

Nicole asked, ‘Mr Cameron, why don’t he have a lesson today?’
Pretty sure it's supposed to be 'you', not 'he'. For a second there, I actually thought that Nicole's speech pattern went wonky, but obviously that is not to be.

---

Here are things that, while not mistakes, bother or confuse me:

Thus, when the bell rang for Behaviour, Darren was relieved. At least, when he was busy with work, he could focus on that and nothing else. Apparently, it did not suit Arceus to allow it to be so.
This paragraph seems a little strange, and I suspect that it lies in the fact that all three sentences had a comma'd starting section. Either that, or that the second and third sentences feel detached from each other. The third sentence is weird, since people usually put a "because [event]" afterwards or place it in the same moment as the indicating event. Again, nothing technically wrong.

‘Not unless you want me too. We didn’t receive any homework today, and we don’t have any for tomorrow either, so we have the afternoon off.’
How would he know whether there's homework tomorrow? I'm either misinterpreting something or my memory's flopping on its face again.

When he heard no response and realised he didn’t hear Aiden’s impacts with the ground either, he turned around.
Using 'impacts' just sounds strange. Viable, but strange nonetheless. I also feel like the sentence would flow better if there was a comma before the 'either', or if it wasn't there at all, but that might be me.

---

Impressions(?)

1. Not quite sure what to say on Mr. Cameron's behavior... I agree with Minerva that it's rather irresponsible. At the very least you'd think he could hand out some worksheets.

2. I admire Darren's effort at doing schoolwork. Today, in Social Stud- oh, excuse me, U.S. History, I didn't exactly use that laptop for NHD...

3. Still the exposition? I'm expecting some epic action later, then. Don't disappoint us, Astral!




BrumalHunter says...


You didn't think a story named "The Adventures of Darren Cassidy" would be about a teenager's life in school, did you? If that had been my plan, the genre would also have been "Teen Fiction" instead of "Action/Adventure".

Notes:
1. That is indeed a typo, but the correct word is neither "he" nor "you", but "we".
2. The comma after "at least" is a comma splice error, but the third sentence is fine. The alternative was to put it in a paragraph of its own, but I didn't regard it as important enough.
3. I was very specific with my wording: Aiden didn't say "we don't have any homework tomorrow" - not only would that have been grammatically incorrect, but it would also mean he can predict they wouldn't receive homework the next day - but "we don't have any homework for tomorrow". The lessons on Zekday are Alchemy & Nutrition, Experience, and Battle. There was no explicit mention of homework for any of those subjects, so as a reader, you will have to take the characters' word for it.
4. Noted.

Impressions:
1. I don't agree with his methods, but he has his reasons...
2. XD
3. In MS Word, I have a document entitled "TAofDC - Plot Summary"; the pages are all A5. Why did I tell you that? Only the first of the twenty-eight pages concerns school. ;)

I apologise that the exposition is taking so long, but this would easily be a part (like a play's act) in a book. (Keep in mind, though, that my novels would have more than just "three" acts, especially this one.)



BrumalHunter says...


(*three "acts")



EnderFlash says...


[Notes 3.] Oh, I did indeed interpret that wrong. I thought the 'for' meant that they didn't have any homework due tomorrow, and that threw me off because it was the same as saying not having any homework today. From there, since you wouldn't mean that, I thought that he was referring to the homework tomorrow in a strange way. Thanks for clearing that up. I'm sorry about not remembering the lessons- the school is formatted differently from mine, so I get confused xD



User avatar
557 Reviews


Points: 33593
Reviews: 557

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2015 1:08 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



Does Aiden even know a thing about cartography? It's harder than it would seem... Anyways, since I am limited on time tomorrow, I suppose I should quit the idle chat and begin the review straight away.

General Comments:

The passage of time is sometimes rather vague, likely because you're ignoring the sensory details of your setting. I admit that there are occasions where my confusion stems mostly from my school day being structured differently from yours, but that's no excuse for unclear segues between settings.

In this chapter specifically, it would have been easier on the reader to mention Darren's group being outside at the beginning of their break rather than during the conversation. Likewise, a bit of description for Darren's trek to the power station might have helped establish a more solid time-passage between his conversations with Aiden in school and out.

Details:

Nothing really stood out, except for a few typos which I'm sure you can find without much difficulty.

Plot, Characterization, and Misc. Items:

1. And we see yet another odd event in class... After reading your interview with Squills, I am inclined to think all of this will lead up to Darren finally finding a reason (and the time) to go on some journey. Please don't disappoint. I've already written a review for someone else about false climaxes...

2. Also, you mentioned drawing a map in the LMS thread, so I assume this is Aiden's map. Would it be possible to see it at some point?

3. You've added more to Tyler's character again! So his mom works at the post office... I hope to find details like this for the other characters in the future. :)

That concludes this review. I'm alternating between you and Ender this review day, so you might not see the last review until tomorrow morning. Ciao for now!
-Buggie




BrumalHunter says...


Thank you for your review, Buggie!

General:
1. Actually, the reason I've never given much detail to Darren's surroundings is because I didn't pay much attention to the village's layout. I can't describe the scent of freshly baked bread wafting from the bakery if I don't know where it is or who runs it, eh?

Details:
1. I'll look into it.

Miscellaneous:
1. Remember what I said in response to the reviews on the first chapters? Guess what.
Spoiler! :
This is still the exposition. XD


2. That is the idea, yes. And while the map obviously won't look like it was drawn by a cartographer, the idea is just to organise the currently chaotic setting. Once I know what the village looks like, I'll be able to describe it much more efficiently.
3. Now that the map is underway, I can promise you this will indeed happen.

Whether it's today, tomorrow, or even next year, I don't mind. Mostly, I just want to catch up on my horribly long overdue reviews.




I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov