I can’t believe this! Today everything just went sideways, what is happening? I’m so confused and all I know is it’s stupid flakey Brydon Pearce’s fault!
Everything was completely normal. I woke up, went downstairs, ate breakfast, dropped my little brother Michael off at school, reached school just in time, and headed to homeroom. Nothing out of the ordinary so far. My life isn’t anything special and I like it that way, all I want is to get through the school day and head home to do homework, watch some TV, and water my plants. Heading to lunch is when it goes freakishly wrong.
Right after second period, I met up with my best friend June and we were catching up while walking to eat lunch at our usual spot, the library. I am not a book lover honestly. I can’t stand the boredom of reading but June Webster is a big book worm and I like the vibe the library has so it’s the perfect place for both of us. Anyway back to the point, as we were walking and June was rambling about this new book she read called “From Blood and Ash” stupid Brydon Pearce decides to move away from his friend group and glide our way like a snake.
“And then she freaking stabs him, Odette!! Like in the heart! ”
“Hi”
June and I stopped more out of confusion (on my part) and curiosity (on her part) than anything else. Brydon is a part of that annoying clique every school has, the popular, narcissistic group who think the world revolves around them. Speaking of, we could see his friends (who are also in the clique) watching us, mirroring our confusion and curiosity while adding a bit of annoyance.
“Hi?”
“So, in case you didn’t know I’m Brydon Pearce we have physics together?..” He introduces himself as though he isn’t known by everyone in the school. In his defence, he is one of the few people June and I don’t hate in the group, because he seems to have some modesty.
“Nice to meet you? I know who you are. I’m Odette Albert, do you need something or..?” My mind goes blank trying to decode his ulterior motive and I turn to June for help only to see my confusion bouncing back to me.
“In a way? I was wondering if you’re free after school today?” Oh okay, now I get it. He wants help with the physics homework. Of course, because why else would he talk to me unless for help? At this point I gave up on being nice, I’m tired. I had 2 tests today and I don’t want to deal with tutoring some obnoxious guy.
“Listen, if you want someone to help you with your homework find someone else. I’ve got my own homework to do, tests and all I want to do is sleep. Before you say it’ll be really quick or you just need it explained to you I’m not stupid, I know you’re just going to copy it and then never talk to me and honestly dude I’m just tired-” I was ranting when he suddenly caught me off with the most unexpected plot twist I have ever heard.
“No! I wanted to ask you out!”
“What?” By now none of his friends are even trying to hide their snooping, them, June and I all shout out our bewilderment at the same time as though we’re in some corny soap opera. Brydon shoots his friends a glare for snooping but that doesn’t stop them from continuing.
“I think you’re cool and I wanted to ask you out on a date if you accept it.” He says once again though it doesn’t help control anyone’s skepticism. I’m about to say no when June shouts first.
“Of course she accepts! Pete’s Diner at 7 works for you?” What was she doing?
“Ya! I’ll see you then.” He says to me before walking off towards his friends, who are all still in shock. June grabs me and rushes towards the library so we can figure out what’s happening.
“What just happened? Brydon Pearce out of everyone asked you out? Since when did he like you? Why didn’t you tell me?” The minute we enter the library she starts bombarding me with questions.
“I don't know what just happened! I have no idea when he started liking me! I didn’t know about any of this and more importantly, why did you say yes?”
“Because when would this happen again!”
“1 rude, 2 it’s probably a joke, 3 I’m not going!” June seems not to realize how crazy all of this is, seeing as how she's scrolling through her phone again.
“1 you know I don’t mean that! 2 and 3 even if it’s a joke it’ll be a new experience and make your life interesting! You can’t tell me you're not the least bit excited!” Okay, she’s not wrong but I don’t plan to admit that.
“I don’t have anything to wear, what am I supposed to tell my parents? And please get off your phone I’m panicking! ”
“You can borrow my clothes and breathe it’s not a fancy dinner just a fun casual DATE at Pete’s Diner, you love Pete’s Diner! As for your parents, we can pick up Michael and I just got permission for you to stay at my house from both of our parents!” June shows me the messages, I don’t know whether I love her or hate her. She’s right though I do love Pete’s Diner, Pete asked me to do a mural along the walls of his restaurant and occasionally tells his friends about my art giving me more opportunities to showcase it. I’m also pretty close to the staff because June and I go basically every day.
“What if it goes horribly,” I say finally accepting reality. I’m not obsessed with Brydon but it will still hurt when the first guy who has shown interest in me decides I’m not worth it.
“Think about it this way, it’ll be another experience you can tell your grandkids about. Don’t focus too much on the details, just have fun!” June says reassuringly. I’m really lucky to have her as my best friend.
As you can see, that was when my day started going off the rails. After helping me get dressed and dropping me off I was there in a booth by myself 10 minutes early drowning in sweat, terrified. 1 more minute until 7 pm, 20 seconds until 7 pm 3,2,1. It was 7 and he still wasn’t here. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and waited for 10 minutes. Eventually, those 10 turned into 20, then 30, and I was surrounded by the staring eyes of people who knew I got stood up. I was so embarrassed, I knew this would happen. Why did I even agree to it? He and his friends are probably somewhere laughing at me right now. Just as I’m about to leave, fed up with the embarrassment and prodding eyes, this stranger sits in the seat opposite of mine.
“Hi baby, sorry I’m late” He practically screams, grabbing the attention of everyone within the area. He’s blonde and looks around 6’’ tall, he wore an oversized green hoodie, a white shirt with a black snake on it, and baggy jeans with different shaded patches but most importantly I have no clue who he is. Mystery guy, noticing my confused face leans in close as though to kiss me, how the hell did I get into this situation? What do I do now? I’m about to punch him in the face and run out until he whispers;
“My name is Oliver Hansen, saw you sitting here and decided to join. Just go along with it to piss off whoever stood you up?”
There’s no way any of this will be good, I should just go home honestly, but instead of telling him no I hear myself saying
“Sure.”
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD
Shell Start:
Oooh. The classic no show situation. We all hate when that happens xD I was drawn to this story because I love romance, especially when it starts out sad/negative and then turns into something beautiful. Let's get right into the review!
Favorite Leaf:
So, what I got from this story and plot wise is that Odette's friend set her up on a blind date, but when she attended-- nobody showed up. She was then saved by a man, who wanted to ease her embarrassment, and ends with the man trying to irritate whoever stood her up. Your story explores the theme of self-worth and vulnerability, which is very common in romance stories, but does a lot for character progression and plot progression. His intervention provides a sense of relief and support for Odette, showing that sometimes help comes from unexpected places. I love the ending, mostly because I absolutely adore Oliver, but we'll bypass that fact xD
Shell Fractures:
The only suggestion I have, and mostly because I'm greedy and want to know if they'll fall in love, is to add more information or dialogue after the last line! I want to know what happens, if it was destiny and they were bound to meet, or if they ended up disliking each other. The ending was great, don't get me wrong, but I feel like it ended suddenly and abruptly.
Tortoise Wisdom:
Some of my favorite quotes and sentences:
Oooh. Very mysterious, indeed. It makes me wonder who her father really is, and why she's scared to put herself out there.
Yesss, Oliver! This was so cute and I found myself smiling at the screen. Ah! Wonderful!
Overall: This was an engaging and cute read about the circumstances of putting yourself out there! Thank you for sharing, and I hope to read more of your work soon! <3
Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~
Hello hello! SkyVibes here to read and review!
I'll be reviewing as I go so you can see in the mind of a reader actively reading!
Let's start!
So I'm guessing that the character here is either old enough to be in high school, old enough to be in college, or is old enough to drive and go to one or the other....for my picky need of clarity I wonder which one it is....
June Webster. That's a nice name. I love how she is also a book worm. Fits perfectly with her last name being Webster, like the dictionary!
Ah so when the first spoken sentence is speaking at first I thought it was this Brydon character saying it and the girls saying hi in response, but reading further it looks like he just calmly walked over and said hi and they then said hi in response. Maybe adding something to say who said what would be helpful?
I love the process of Odette's (lovely name btw) thoughts as this event is taking place. I can already feel the tiredness radiating off the screen of my computer and hitting. Very relatable as I am currently in college and just finished 2 tests!
I find it amusing that she didn't catch on at first thinking this guy needed a tutor.
So after the "what?!" moment, I imagine it's June who confirms Odette will go out with him. However, while I'm seeing Odette's confusion and shock, I'm not seeing if Brydon is completely calm, nervous, red with embarrassment, staring intently...there's no description of how he's reacting to asking her out. I think to add more flavor to this, add in a detail or two like that would really help!
Uh so I thought June and Odette were already IN the library. But maybe I missed a detail. Usually, I'm prone to missing something.
I really like the friendship June and Odette has. They seem to be the perfect friends! June is so sweet. It seems like Odette is more of a quiet person unless she's talking about something she's interested in like reading or art. June helps her get out of her shell a bit and isn't afraid to make sure her friend has fun.
And also I feel more connected to have the reader-character relationship that happens with reading and the character I feel connected too is Oddette. She seems to focus a lot on school and her art which is the same for me! Very neat!
Aw...that's so mean of Brydon. Poor Odotte. And all she wanted was to maybe see a guy and have a simple dinner.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh I love a mystery guy who wants to help out. I would be like Odette too about to punch the guy but how sweet of him!
I love this story so much! There's so much emotion. First curious, excitement, sadness, and then excitement again! This is well written and you should definitely write more to this! I would love to read more!
A few critiques tho and take these as you will.
1. I would love to see more character descriptions. While I feel connected and indulged in the story, I can't picture the characters except for somewhat of Oliver. adding more description would add so much more to this story!
2. I would love to see some action from the characters. For example with Oliver, He leans close to kiss her. That's an action. I would love to see more of that. Not maybe toward romance action but just more character action such as, she glanced at June and fidgeted with her sweater. Nervously she tapped her foot while she waited. She pulled away from June's grasp. Something like that.
3. Clarity on who is speaking. I mentioned a little that I got lost on who was speaking so just clearing that up would be really useful. Also maybe including a tone to the attitude of the situation. For example, I see Odette confusion shared with June when Bryson asked her out. However maybe a "she exclaimed excitedly", "he confirmed happily", "muttered under his breath" or something like that.
I really enjoyed reading this! It was a fun read!
Soar high and keep on writing!
-SkyVibes