My "Out-Of-Resistence" Crush- MR. Blue Moon!

awwwww this is so sweet ...its your first poem and its just gr8....the whole poem clearly expressed ur thoughts and opinions about your crush MR BLUEMOON !!! i will give you 4 stars out of 5.... just two or three mistakes thats all ..1st- some stanzas rhymed and some didnt so if u come up with more words then replace it with these words hopefully it ill be much more amazing to read and it will rhyme too .and secondly try arranging the stanzas equally....rest everything was just perfect and i loved it

hey what a coincidence...even I joined today but well I am not really a poet...anyways just dropped by to say that it was really great your poem and hope your crush finds about your love to him soon....and yes I would prefer you too to edit it like given below and that's all...love your poem so keep on writing, hope to be a friend of yours

Firefighter..

hey!
it's me umaima and i will be reviewing your submission today.

first of all I loved your poem because it just gave a very clear understanding to what you actually thought (about your crush) and Asma seriously I never knew you liked him so much lol
anyways lets get serious now, well your poem was amazing as it been your first but there were some flaws so just correct them. First try putting equal durations. there were not proper intervals you can say and also try putting the big paras into stanzas like below:

Every morning when I went out,
He used to make my day be just standing there.
But he won’t stare at me
Not even gaze at me,
not ONCE….

Unless I would SHOUT.
But of course I won’t make a fool outta me
That he might say “what kinda girl is she?”

He was not so regular in our morning meetings, though.
At times he used to just come, before me, and go.
His presence and absence with no clue,
Both would be out-of-the-blue

So I had to wait for days, weeks, or perhaps a fortnight,
Which seemed no less than some decades, right?

But that ONE day,
When I looked at him,
'HE' looked at me;
I skipped a beat.

He threw a smile.
I was dumbstruck.
I was red meat,
I was standing there like a punk,
Gazing at the handsome hunk.

Looking in his eyes, I realized;
They were striking more than I believed.
And that very moment-
I was into him, he was into me.
Then that dumb friend of his arrived
And tried to take my crush away with full might,

A stupid smile with a lyl of anger flashed his face,
He turned to the friend and then he was on his way.
With regret I tied my lace,
And then I was on mine.

But, obviously, all the way,
I just could not get him out of my head,
That gorgeous smile on his stunning face,
I glint of charm in his eyes, to which mine met.
Then I waited for the next morning…

And the sun went down NO SOON,
Then came up the stars with the moon.
I went to bed, but didn't at all feel sleepy,
Maybe dozed off for a tick or a jiffy.

Then I comprehended my trouble,
Had to get him outta my mind for sleep to be made,
I tried counting the stars, but it didn’t aid.
Then the moon caught my sight,
Guess what, it started changing into a human face,
Producing bright light.

Oh! Of course it was my crush’, and it started to speak-
“Oh my pretty girl! Go to sleep,
Shall I not come to see you when the sun is up?”
Next tick, the sky went from weird and wonderful to normal.
AFTER THAT, I realized that I REALLY needed some sleep,
For the next day not to suck!

I tried sleeping, and didn’t fail in the first go.
Thankfully, woke up in time before the cock-crow.
Got dressed with so much excitement on my face,
And sure enough his waiting point was not hard to trace;
As he stood right in front of my building across the road.
I went out with assurity to see my lucky charm which never broke,

But…..

He was not there, where he stood,
It felt as if someone hit me with a wood.
Thinking with fear, that maybe those days returned
when I see him only once-in-a-blue-moon,
He never came but I kept waiting like a cartoon.

Soon my time came to leave,
I was gnashing my teeth all along the street.
Cursing that dumb friend without any tweet.

But I didn’t lose hope and got there on time every day,
Trying my best not to make it grey.

One night, I slept so peacefully which,
I dunno why, assured me his sight with a twitch.
After I slept, the very next morning-
I came down the stairs and opened the big gate.

To my surprise I saw MR. BLUE MOON ,
Smiling at me in the most breathtaking way,
Then he came walking to me, carrying his charm along,
For him to reach and grab me with full delight took no long.
We were close enough to hear each other’s heart beat

I had no speech and didn’t even want any, as the silent was so eloquent and sweet,
I closed my eyes, as he came more near to me,
Then kissed me so passionately that my heart almost flee!
Then I opened my eyes with shock,
To my disappointment I was on my bed and that kiss was a mock!

With this, i lost hope and didn't care what happens next,
went back to sleep perplexed.

That morning I was not up on time,
But I didn’t care, and this time it was fine.
I had lost all hopes, even of seeing him,
Let alone be kissing him…

Then I got down the stairs and opened the big gate.
With it i saw the unexpected, but without any dismay
……….there stood -- MR BLUE MOON, smiling at me in the most breathtaking way!!!


its just a recommendation, you can do it in other ways too but be sure to put intervals
then my friends another important thing the rhythm try taking it all along okay?

that's it for this one. you sure do have talent as a poet so keep WRITING,,,,

by the way I love the way you gave MR.BLUE MOON name to your Egyptian crush, god he is such a lucky guy because a girl is actually dying on him and writing poems ....lol (sorry but I love embarrassing you on net)

hope my review helped and hope you get to meet him soon as you seem too desperate already xD

amazing one above is my review