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Trapped Inside

by Ashkitten83


I woke up in an eerie place completely consumed with darkness. 



Rubbing my eyes with my fingers to see if something was wrong with my vision.



I tried to be very quiet and listen



to see if I could hear anything, but in all my desperation



to find answers there was only silence.



I felt so alone.



"How long had I been here?" I thought to myself.



The voices in my head almost audible



compared to the stark silence that encompassed the room.



I crawled



waving my hands in front of me



my hand hit some kind of metal structure.



I crawled



closer to feel it and use my hands to memorize its shape



Ice cold metal cylinders



Bars



Prison bars



that hold prisoners in



serving a life-sentence



Why was I behind these cold metal bars?



Breaking the silence I yell



Is there anyone here?



My voice echoes



I was alone in



Isolation



I try to think if I had any deep secrets hidden within



that would cause such an action as



solitary confinement



to keep me in silence.



Im not dangerous.



Why am I alone?



What story could I tell that someone would go to all this trouble to keep me from telling it?



Sooner than I can finish that thought



the bars move in closer.



I try to explain it in my mind,



but soon I realize that this prison that is surrounding me



isnt real.



Its in my mind.



Its the place Ive always kept the real me.



Locked up



Confined



so the world can never know who I really am.



A mental breakdown blurred in chaos and confusion.



Its my own story I can never tell. Its my own secrets



that can never be known.



I now look at my dark silent prison



as a place where I am safe.



It is my sanctuary of peace and solace.



My eyes fixed on the darkness



I now realize the bars arent keeping me in,



they are keeping everyone else out.


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25 Reviews


Points: 2766
Reviews: 25

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Sun Apr 05, 2015 6:58 pm
Marshymallow wrote a review...



Absolutely amazing. I really really like your descriptions and sophistication in vocabulary. I just love love love it. I could picture everything and I felt like I was thrown into the moment with the story. The idea that you are kept within a mind-tight prison makes the atmosphere dark and yet very interesting for the reader. The bars are within us all and you explain it to us, you create a relatable read for the reader to enjoy. I can't wait to see more of your fabulous work. The ending is powerful, the message is memorable and the wording is beautiful(woop made it rhyme). Ah, such a good read :D -Marshymallow x




Ashkitten83 says...


Wow! Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to read it and for such positive and uplifting feedback. :) It really made me smile. :)



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Points: 4091
Reviews: 118

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Sun Apr 05, 2015 7:41 am
Reet3103 wrote a review...



Hey there..

I liked how you described the emotions here, though your realization part was not well expressed. The last one, where the whole thing comes out. But honestly, it is quite relatable.

" Locked up, so the world can never know who I really am. A mental breakdown blurred in chaos and confusion. Its my own story I can never tell. Its my own secrets that can never be known. I now look at my dark silent prison as a place where I am safe. It is my santuary of peace and solace. "

Best lines, according to me. Really, the lines before these were quite plain. I prefer something stronger in that part.

But I liked the ideology, it is common but it isn't bad after all. Why don't you add something more to this? Like more content? You have enough structure and all though.

". I was alone and seclusion was my consequence handed out by my captors. I try to think if I had any deep secrets hidden within that would cause such an action as solitary confinement to keep me in silence. What story could I tell that would go to all this trouble to keep me from telling it."

Good expression here too, I would've liked it more if you'd have added more content to this too.

Anyways, well written.

Stay blessed. xoxo




Ashkitten83 says...


Thank you. It was a writing challenge, I had to write a story using 20 specific words, and I wasn't supposed to go over 500 words which I clearly did anyways but I couldn't think of any ways to make it any shorter. And I'm embarrassed to have posted this without editing it myself because I have error after error up there and I should know better. Thank you for your review.




"And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?"
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland