Poor Girl

Hey !
I know to give a review is the hardest thing as I've to quote weak points of another writer. So here I go..
You need to capitalize word where needed. Otherwise I find this horror poem as a nicely carved penning . Imagination AND then your writing is superb. And a few words from a line ...umm last line...
" with no other choice but submission."
It says many things at same time. Keep up the excellent penning. Blessings!

Hi! its Fangirl!

first great thinking! i liked your imagination here and it was certainly good, but i suppose it could be made better.
Yes the flow was good and everything, but you dont always need to rhyme for the flow to be good, infact it limits the word usage of the writer. when i first came to this site somebody suggested it to me, so i thought i might as well forward the suggestion to you.
the next thing is, your word usage, which by the way is really good, so no need to worry about it!
poor girl- smart choice of words for the tittle.
i guess thats all i've got for you. sorry this was short and maybe not that helpfull.

anyway, i hope to see more of your works in the future.untill then keep up the good work

happy review day
Fangirl~

Hello!! Kam here for a review today on your interesting horror poem!!
I'm gonna separate it into three parts! The first will be grammar, capitalization, punctuation, all the little nit picks! Then I'll move on to what I like about the poem and finally, the last part will be possible improvements I feel you could make on the poem to make it even better!
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Part I:
Okay, with the way your poem is formatted, you'll need to make every word at the beginning of your sentences a capitalized word.
You miss that on the second sentence, For.
As far as capitalization goes that's all you need to do!!

Your very first stanza is not following the same space between the sentences as the rest of your poem, so I suggest fixing that or conforming the rest of your poem to the spaced lines .

You are missed a lot of periods here. I understand people don't tend to associate many periods with poems, but I feel like in this particular one it would help with the flow because it gets read kind of choppily since some of your rhyme schemes are almost forced to rhyme. Put some periods like...
"..for all you need is a swift and clean incision.
(Skip a line or so la-da-da-da)
Poor girl with no other choice but submission."

Just add some periods where you feel they would go at the end of a normal sentence if you were writing a story or an essay or something
~

Part II: What I like/ LOOVE

I love horror and gore and scary dark things that go a-bump in the night! With that said, I very much so enjoyed your poem. You tried very hard to stick with a rhyme scheme and did so quite successfully(*cough cough* JEALOUS) and it really sucked my mind in! I love how I, as the reader, am being talked to directly, as if I'm the little body stuck on slab about to be sacrificed to Satan or something them chopped up into little pieces!
It is a good poem with quite a bit of work apparently put into it! Job well done!!
~

Part III: What can be improved
I shall do this stanza by stanza so.....TA-DA

Stanza 1: Awesome, you did really well, the rhyme flows really smooth and I like how sinister it sounds!

Stanza 2: This needs to start with an "An" at the beginning of the sentence. IT sounds really awkward because A)You don't have a period between stanza 1 and Stanza 2 and B) You finished the last sentence from Stanza 1 with incision and started the first sentence of stanza 2 with Incision. You basically just said "incision incision". It doesn't sound right or something that belongs in a horror poem.
So, maybe rewrite it as..."An incision that will make you regret you decision/ Poor girl with no other choice but submission."

Stanza 3) Really awesome stanza, I love the very dark tone it has to it, how the person in now really getting involved and going "WOW WOW WOW I'm gonna die here!" However!
The second sentence in this stanza ends awkwardly. You can move that comma to the beginning and replace that space with an is and it'll flow a lot better.
"Trust me, all you are to my demons is a feast." as so!

Stanza 4)This one definitely needs more elaboration. What condition did we check in on? Also, did you mean Damnation or Demolition? If it is demolition it doesn't need to be capitalized because it doesn't sound like a person or a place really. Demolition is a really awkward word that's been set here and makes it sound like a really forced rhyme.

Stanza 5) Ohhhhhhh, the devvviiilllll!! You should really capitalize Devil because that is a person :3
The second sentence is quite...awkward. What are we begging for exactly? Also, I feel like it would flow better with...
"Don't beg for it poor soul, because the process of incarnation is complete."

Stanza 6) OMG, are we gonna get cut into itty bitty pieces? That's what it sounds like!! O.O Do go into more detail >:3
I like how you repeated the same sentence here, it really adds a final and deadly tone to the poem!
Why are we being cut up into little pieces though? Or is it a division of the soul from the body? Maybe clear that part up :3
~

Wow, this is gonna be super long because I went stanza by stanza XD Oh well, I hope it does help you and I really hope you lengthen it out a bit! Also, poems always seem to have to stick to a rhyme scheme and I'm gonna tell you then don't HAVE to, but if they do it does show how much work and time you've put into finding the right words to go with each other in a very good order and kudos to you in you do that because that is A-MAZ-ING.

Do keep writing, I would love to read more!
Have a good day
~Kam

HEY.... you wrote an amazing poem!! I loved the way you portrayed a girl who has to do those things which she does not want do. I have felt that sometimes people take the condition of a women for granted and often keep the terms in front of them which are beyond their limits.... a woman is the strongest creature that GOD could ever make, as being a girl I know the reality of sufferings and situations that we need to face for the rest of our lives from the time we are born..... I am glad that at least some people are there in world who have some respect for the opposite gender.... you know if a man wishes that a girl should have some characteristics of a perfect lady then a girl too wants a Raymond(a perfect and complete man) in her life.... thanks for having the courage to speak about a women's suffering..... keep writing there is more I expect from you....