Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: This was a really interesting little piece right here...there's seems to be so much going on here that we don't immediately know about and I love to see that at the start of a story. The premise here also seems pretty neat.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Macy stood on the edge of the cracked granite top of the grave staring at the shattered gravestone. The grave was of her sister Tess. Beside Tess, grave being in same state of disrepair, was her brother, Kaleb, who also died that same night with her sister in a car accident involving them. Macy had decided to stay home that night with their parents while Tess and Kaleb were to drive out and see the grandparents who managed a farm in the country outside of the city about a two hour drive away. Macy was devastated to hear the news of the tragic accident involving her siblings. A speeding drunk driver came across an intersection as Tess drove across. The impact contacted with the passenger side killing Kaleb almost immediately. Tess had been taken to the nearby Memorial Hopes hospital where she died a few hours later. Macy had looked up to her sister with all her heart she had. But here she stood in front of their graves almost 25 years later. After all that she had done, all those lives she had taken from the innocent and the criminal alike, she fell to her knees as tears streamed down her face.
Wow...that is a very heavy opening paragraph there...almost a bit too heavy I have to say, you go into the description of where she is, why she's there, and then here life and why she's here at the moment, and just its a bit of an overload of information there for a first chapter to be having. You need to look into potentially breaking this up into a few much smaller parts or even just mention the essentials like the fact this is her sister's grave and then continuing the rest of the scene from there while sprinkling in the other facts in later parts of the work.
"Where did I go wrong Tess? ...Why did I go wrong in the head..?..." She dusted off the granite with the jacket she rarely took off that had hidden the years of her work. Her scars were part of the unforgettable as the lightly crisscrossed and dotted her bare arms. She set it down beside her. She had worn a vest underneath the jacketed armor that bore the insignia of the company she used to represent with a passion but that passion is long gone.
Well it looks like she was part of some kind of organization responsible for taking many lives somehow and our main character here was once a passionate supporter of them but now believes differently. That's certainly a very interesting premise right there.
The area around her was in ruins. Most of the buildings were skeletons of their previous selves. Most had trees growing thru them as well as grass in patches where buildings were. The pavement was fractured with the grass and roots that broke its faded black surface. Only one other presence roamed that long forgotten city looking for the one other soul that sat still in an over grown graveyard. The lone traveler could see the ghost of the past panic that ravaged the bustling city. Occasionally there would be a skeleton of a creature lying beside a road or in a rusted car. Whatever that was wood would have been charred or not there as the winds and rain wore it absent from existence. Cassandra Silverton was her name. She had started Macy's descent when she first heard of Anima. Now here she is, having received a letter to meet the girl here. Cassie wasn't one to play around with when it came to the sanctity of humanity. She and Macy had a history once a long time ago. What did it mean now?
Okay...well that was a very vague and mysterious paragraph right there, and I absolutely love that, those are always a loot of fun to run into at the start of a story because they let you know that this is something with some pretty deep worldbuilding and I love that. At any rate, this whole things sounds pretty cool so far, and I am very intrigued by who this might be.
The wolf anthro had probably wandered thru most of the city giving time to Macy before coming up behind her in the graveyard by Macy's last request. "You know... I really messed up what I had...." She didn't bother looking behind her hearing the soft crunch of the leaves that littered the ground. She knew it was Cassie. She was the only one that knew where she would be.
Okay....so it's very clear by now that these two know each other and we've got them just casually meeting in the middle of a graveyard here...I have a feeling this conversation to come is going to be rather important. At any rate, this was a nice way to introduce Cassie here...Macy's introduction is the one that needs a bit of streamlining.
"After what...Last time I saw you was when you took down my last hope.. I tried to make it better. Bah!... What is it to me now....?" Her tail twitched as she had small flashbacks of their last run in. Cassie had destroyed her then. She tore her hope apart at ever having anything better despite Cassie's attempts at helping Macy get better. She ran her fingers thru her long and loose hair that flowed over her back.
Okay...well that almost sounds like these two did not have a very good last encounter and this Cassie person ended up doing something that doesn't sound like a very nice thing at all there.
"You know what you read in that letter..,I'm not going to bother saying it. You have me at my weakest. I have nothing left. I don't even have your trust anymore. It's your choice if you want me to live..or die..." Her heart beat at a slow pace. She had a lot on her mind. So much pain and misery she cause for those who survived their experience at Anima, Techni, or Seta. She just wanted it gone. Most had forgiven her with Cassie's help, but she couldn't forgive her own soul. She was an abomination to herself and to the world. She waited patiently for Cassie's reply.
Hmm...well that is a very neat little cliffhanger to end things on there....now its starting to sound like Macy was the one that did the horrible thing to lead to a breaking of trust and the reason she's here is to accept some sort of pretty bad sounding fate here, having lost her will to love almost by the sound of things...well, this certainly leaves the reading wanting to find out more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this made for a pretty interesting read. It definitely manages to make you want to read on more here. Anyways, that's about all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
Donate