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Young Writers Society



The New Generation--Chapter Five: Going on a Quest

by erilea


    Leia knew that whenever her mother asked her father for help, then things were getting seriously bad.

     Mostly because her mother actually needed her father's help.

     And as Leia followed her mother through camp, she worried.

     "Why is this so serious? I mean, it's just a poem, right?" Leia asked. 

     "Leia... how do I explain this? Thea's mother, Ella, was a harpy who could remember just about anything. Every book that Ella read, it was in her memory. She was extremely smart. Once, when I was seventeen, Ella gave me a prophecy. It was from the Sibylline Books, which Ella had read. I had to find the Athena Parthenos."

     Leia thought back on the hardcore mythology lessons her mother had given her. The Athena Parthenos... wasn't it that forty feet tall statue of Athena that had been missing? Generations of Athena children had failed, up until her mother. 

     "... The statue was guarded by Arachne, the first spider, a victim of my mother's pride. I had to face her down, and Arachne, I got the Athena Parthenos and kicked her into Tartarus, but that cursed monster dragged me in with your father in tow."

     Leia shuddered. If Ella had given that prophecy that had gotten her mother and father into Tartarus... how dangerous would the one Thea gave be?

     Her mother suddenly stopped, causing Leia to slam into her. She sheepishly smiled as they both regained their footing, then followed her mother into the Poseidon cabin. Her father and Uncle Tyson, the Cyclopes, were in there with three other Poseidon children. They were listening, enraptured, to their big brothers' tales, when Leia's mother cleared her throat.

     "Percy, I need your help. Leia here..."

     That was all that needed to be said. A look of alarm crossed Leia's father's face as he jumped up and made his way over to them, Uncle Tyson continuing the story behind him. "What's wrong, Annabeth?" he asked her worriedly.

     "It's Thea," was all Leia heard as her parents' voices dropped to a whisper, fervently discussing the matter at hand. She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt as she waited. Something was definitely wrong, but what was it? 

     "Leia?" Her father asked her, startling her back into reality.

     "Yeah?" Leia cautiously asked.

     "You know how I told you about retrieving Zeus's most powerful lightning bolt, the Golden Fleece, and everything? All those quests?"

     "Yeah?" Oh no.

     "Well, you're going on one."

     The news didn't fully register until a few seconds later. "What?" she practically screamed. She wasn't actually going on a quest, was she? She wasn't a full-blooded demigod, but...

     "What Thea told you, it was a prophecy. And if she gave it to you, then it means you have to go on it. We don't want you to, but... well, if there's one thing I know, it's that you can't change prophecies, no matter how hard you want to." Her father gave a shaky laugh.

     Leia stood there, mouth agape. She was shocked. Yes, it was honorable to go on a quest, according to her parents. But it was also dangerous. It was possible she wouldn't come back. And now...

     She could get killed. She was only ten, but monsters didn't have mercy. They would rip her to pieces, regardless of how old she was.

     Leia took a deep breath.

     "I'm going."

     Her parents looked a little surprised that she didn't have some traumatic fit, but they nodded. Her mother hugged her like she wouldn't let go. "I know that you wouldn't be able to turn it down. Your father's fatal flaw was loyalty. He would do anything to protect his family, even if it meant endangering the world. When I was captured by a monster, he sneaked out of camp to find me. Your father was a--a very loyal friend."

     Leia nodded. "Will I have any friends to go with me?" she asked hopefully.

     "Yes, you will. The standard number is three per quest, which means you can choose two others. Once your mother chose me, Tyson, and Grover, a satyr friend of mine, to go along, making four people, but it was risky. It would work better if you only had two of your friends." Leia's father answered.

     She bit her lip, struggling to choose. "Well--I--"

     Suddenly, a few red feathers drifted down to the ground as a harpy landed in front of them. She had red hair, just like Thea, and red feathers. She was skinny and her eyes darted around, as if nervous. "Ella!" Leia's mother exclaimed. The harpy smiled thinly as she fluttered over to Leia's parents.

     "Ella has news for her friends. Ella's daughter and Ella talked about prophecy--Ella's friends' daughter is allowed to take four people. Four people only. Four people." Ella repeated. 

     Leia smiled. Perfect. "I know who I'm going to pick!" she announced. Her mother raised an eyebrow and smiled.

    Before her parents could say anything, she dashed off toward a pink cabin in the distance. A few minutes later, she arrived, panting, at the door.

     Leia knocked twice, and the door opened. A girl with fluffy black hair and brown eyes appeared in the doorway, tapping her perfectly manicured fingernails in annoyance. "What do you want?" the girl asked.

     "I... I need to see Silena." Leia managed to say. The girl rolled her eyes.

     "You want to see her?" She asked in disgust. 

     Just then another person shoved in front of the girl. Silena smiled at Leia apologetically. "Buzz off, Cameria!" she called over her shoulder. Cameria gave one more look of disdain and disappeared into the perfume-loaded cabin.

     "What do you want?" Silena asked Leia. She cleared her throat.

     "I've been sent to go on a quest by my half-sister, and I want you to accompany me."

     "Me?" Silena asked in surprise. "But what good will a daughter of Aphrodite--"

     "Plenty of good!" exclaimed Leia. "Remember your mother? She saved the other six people on the quest, including my parents, a countless number of times!"

     "Well, if you say so." sighed the daughter of Aphrodite. "I'll go."

     A few seconds later, a voice came flooding through the doorway. "Silena! Are you still trying to make yourself look good by digging through a dumpster?"

     Giggles came from around the cabin.

     Silena shouted back, "Well, it's impossible to make someone look good when they're digging through your makeup collection. Explains why you look the way you do."

     Silena waved quickly, and ducked inside, slamming the door.

     Leia stared in admiration at the door for a moment, then turned and ran. She had to go gather her friends--she was going on a quest, after all.


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45 Reviews


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Tue Oct 06, 2015 2:11 pm
Europa wrote a review...



Hi there. TheFantasy14 for a review. Your characters and plat continue to develop nicely, and I like where your heading with this.
One thing I would like to point out, In the last chapter, Leia said she hadn't ever heard any of her parents stories, but in this chapter, Percy was asking if she remembered all the stories he had told her about going on quests. those two points sort of contradict each other, and I got a little confused.
nothing else that I can see that needs critiquing. Tag me when the next post is out!
Loves!
-Fanty




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Mon Sep 28, 2015 12:34 am
ThePhoenix wrote a review...



Just realised you're a bit inconsistent with your titles. For Chapter 4 you used a number instead of words which you did for the other three. I thought I'd point that out.

Also, I thought I told you to tag me when you released the next chapter so I don't miss it... Well, I'm here now so... yeah.
:D

Plot

Spoiler! :
Ah, so now we're getting into the plot. That's good. Although, I always found it convenient that a prophecy would be given right at the moment the hero comes. It's weird, it's like the monsters have to wait for the hero to arrive before actually doing anything. Or maybe that's just how the Fates want it to work.
Also, is Rachel Elizabeth Dare still here? Or is she just busy being a human...

Also, something I noticed but you said that there is no doubt that the new generation will win... I mean, we already know they're going to win but saying it out loud kinda defeats the purpose right...? I mean, if the Fates say that they will win then they're definitely going to win, they could literally just sit back and enjoy the journey and they'd still win. So... Just a thought.


Characters
I couldn't find anything for characters so I decided to just do this instead.
Stuff
Spoiler! :
It was scary whenever her mom asked her dad.


So, it's happened before? So why of all things is it scary? If your mother asked your dad for help, it's probably because she's unable to do something (probably wouldn't happen a lot with Annabeth but anyway). So it shouldn't be scary, perhaps a bit worrying that she has to at all, but definitely not scary.

It would work better if you only had three of your friends.


Heh, math mistake. If she chooses three of her friends, then there would be four going on the quest, not three.

"My mom had an old enemy called Drew Tanaka. Cameria took after Drew, it seems. Well, gotta go!" Silena quickly explained, and ducked inside, slamming the door.


Pretty sure there was nothing to explain there. There was no reason for Silena to tell Leia about her mum's history. If she just left it, Leia would've just thought of Cameria as a snobby kid.

"Well, if you insist." sighed the daughter of Aphrodite. "I'll go."


Um, there was no insisting. Leia simply told Silena how much good her mum was in the war.


Um, that's about it. It's kinda stupid to do setting as we already know the gist of it. But you do a good job of describing all of it.

Anyway, don't forget to tag me when the next chapter comes out... I mean it this time.
Well, I meant it last time as well...
Just tag me!

Bye!




erilea says...


Okay, thanks for the review!



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Sun Sep 27, 2015 2:07 am
Chaser wrote a review...



I know it's not worth much, but I'm reviewing anyway.

Leia knew that whenever her mother asked her father for help, then things were getting seriously bad.
Mostly because her mother actually needed her father's help. Leia's dad was pretty much no help whatsoever. It was scary whenever her mom asked her dad.

The repetition of help seems random and really doesn't have that much of an effect. Maybe you could rephrase the first or second sentence? The last sentence also seems unnecessary. If she knows it's bad, wouldn't she already be a bit scared? Maybe rephrasing it would help, too.

They were listening, enraptured, to their big brothers' tales,

Wouldn't it make sense for a reference to the original series to be here? Just a thought.

"I've been sent to go on a quest by my half-sister, and I want you to accompany me."

A bit formal for a ten-year-old.

"My mom had an old enemy called Drew Tanaka. Cameria took after Drew, it seems. Well, gotta go!" Silena quickly explained, and ducked inside, slamming the door.

You've already heard about how unnecessary these lines are to draw, so I won't say anything.

I can at least admire your descriptive style. It definitely does a good job of explaining characters' emotional states without shoving anything in the audience's face, which made for an easy and pleasant read. The words flow smoothly together, and while there wasn't any one thing that stuck out as majorly impressive, it's the subtle culmination of the writing that gives this chapter its true beauty.

Again, I won't speak on characters, since you're free to portray them as you wish. (Nice job on Ella, though)

Overall, I enjoyed this piece, if a bit begrudgingly. The writing style is appropriately lighthearted, mixed with some believable characters who may be interesting to follow. As fanfiction goes, I suppose that this is my favorite. Cheers.


-Chaser




erilea says...


Thanks so much!



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Sun Sep 27, 2015 1:16 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hello, Happy Review Day!

Percy Jackson is my life... so, I'm here to review. (I'm going to read the chapters before this after I finish this review, and then I'll continue reviewing the next chapters after this :D)

First, I just want to clear something up. Are Tyson and Ella married in this, and is there daughter Thea? Because you mention that Leia's half-sister is Thea - but technically they would be cousins (if Tyson and Ella are together. If they aren't just ignore >.>).

I feel like Leia's character could've been developed more in this chapter. I haven't read the previous ones (yet!) but there's always room for improvement in a character, even if you have developed them "fully" in the first few chapters. So, maybe in your next chapter you could perhaps include some of Leia's internal thoughts, more of her emotion, her personal opinion on the world, etc. All this helps develop Leia as a character very nicely.

I really like how you went on to the next generation of demigods. Silena (love the name, by the way ;)) as the daughter of Jason and Piper, I assume? And I like how Leia is the daughter of Percy and Annabeth and she's the main character. :) Please tell me you have or are going to include Leo and Calypso in this, haha. :P

Okay, anyways - I loved the hook at the end, it definitely made me curious and wonder to myself who her other friends could be (daughter/son of Juniper and Grover? Daughter/son of Hazel and Frank? hmmm). Loved the little sense of mystery it left there.

All the times you say "her father" and "her mother" (We're talking about Leia here) is a little too much. I think you could replace about half of them with their actual names, Percy and Annabeth. That way it gets rid of repetition and it does clear some things up.

I think that's about it on what I have to say in this review! Keep writing, and if you can keep me posted on the future chapters! :D

~ EternalRain ^-^




erilea says...


If you've read the previous chapters, Festus is the son of Leo and Calypso. Sammy is the son of Hazel and Frank. Silena is the daughter of Piper and Jason, and Bianca is the daughter of Nico and some girl I made up. Thanks for the review!




You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author