Note: I've revised some things in chapter 8. The only thing you need to be aware of if you read the older version is that Bast no longer removes Alison's chains in that chapter.
Chapter
9
I
was awoken by the breeze, cold despite the early morning sunlight
filling the sky. Birdsong drew my eye to the canopy above and I was
partially blinded by the reflections coming off the metallic leaves.
Blinking to clear my vision, I sat up, extracting my limbs from the
tangled mess of robes and chains. Compared to waking up yesterday I
felt much better, less desolate and defeated, and more just lost and
alone. Looking around at the glade through the ethereal light
reflecting back up through the water from the silver roots was
undoubtedly something I’d remember for the rest of my life.
I
spent a minute taking it all in before Bast appeared out of the trees
on the right side of the clearing with a bulging leather satchel over
one shoulder. He strolled closer giving me a grin and a wave when he
noticed me watching. I waved back halfheartedly as he approached,
stopping on the bank of the poo around me and the great tree.
“Good
morning!” he exclaimed with boisterous enthusiasm and giving me
what I was coming to realised was his usual broad grin. “Sleep well
I hope?”
“I’d
sleep better if I wasn’t chained to a tree”, I gave him the best
glare I could muster.
“I’m
sure you would. As I said last night, I can’t take any risks”, he
still looked vaguely chagrinned.
“I’ve
been wondering, yesterday you said something about dreams. Care to
elaborate?”, he changed the subject as he placed various wild roots
and vegetables into a black iron pot hanging over the hearth.
I’d
really been hoping he would forget about that.
“Just
some stuff about everyone who died and the survivors. Dad.”
He
raised an eyebrow pointedly, clearly not going to let it go.
“Stuff
such as?”
“Such
as leaving them behind, becoming one of the things that killed them.
“Sounds
like survivors' guilt”, at my look he continued. “Asking yourself
why you lived but not them? Everyone who survives such a tragedy
faces it, from soldiers to simple townsfolk.” He shook his head.
“It’s not your fault they didn’t survive and it’s not like
you brought the wolves to your doorstep. As I said last night, you
were caught in the middle of something you had no control over. These
dreams are just you tormenting yourself. Trust me, I know.”
A
shadow flitted across his eyes and I realised I didn’t really know
anything about him. He just seemed so friendly... I'd been trusting
him because I wanted –needed-
to.
I didn't have anyone and I had no idea what I was going to do, so
when he'd appeared out of nowhere saying he wanted to help despite
knowing what I was, I'd been more than willing to just accept him at
face value. Or the human part of me had anyway. Narrowing my eyes, I
tried to pierce him with my gaze.
"Why
are you helping me anyway? I don't really know anything about you
aside from that you're a strange man in the middle of the woods who
claims
to
be a druid. What do you get out of this?"
His
expression became a little sheepish.
"Can't
I just want to help another living being? And I am a druid."
"No.
There's more to it, I'm sure you're not telling me something."
He
sighed. "I want to help you because you need help. Because none
of this is your fault and you didn't deserve it."
I
sensed there was more to it than that.
"And?"
"And
the Druidic Circle is directly responsible for what's happened to
you. It's our fault even if it is in the past. If you can be saved
from the curse then it is my duty to do everything I can despite what
the others would say.”
He
seemed sincere. I relaxed.
"Fine,
but you have to tell me more about yourself."
He
nodded with a smile.
“What
do you want to know?”
“How
did you become a druid?”
He
made a show of sitting on the bank, dangling his feet in the water.
“My
dad was a travelling scholar, going out documenting the world as he
saw it and getting by selling his services as a scribe to the
nobility. He was away often but always sent money and my mother and I
would work at the bakery, always up at dawn to start the day’s work
before everyone else got up. We lived on the edge of a great elven
forest far north of here in one of the Free Cities. While my dad was
away one year he met and befriended a man, a druid named Tolvir, or
uncle Tol as I came to know him.” His gaze drew distant and he
smiled fondly in remembrance.
“He
was a druid from the nearby forest, living in a small community. As
time went on, he’d come check on us for my father and let us know
how he was doing. I loved his visits. He’d teach me things about
the world and our place in it, show me small magics and help when it
was needed”, old sorrow filled his voice and his smile faded. “Like
when my mother died.”
Looking
up at the shining leaves above us, he took a deep breath before
continuing.
“One
day some men in chainmail, clearly still drunk from the night before
stumbled into the bakery as my mother went in to start work. I wasn’t
there. I’d taken the buckets home the night before so instead I
went down to the well to get a jump on the day’s work. By the time
I got there...” He grimaced. “You don’t need to hear how I
found her, just know that she died and I was lost.”
“The
owner of the bakery, a nice man who wouldn’t begrudge me a pastry
every now and then kept me on to help but I couldn’t stand to be
there, working where she died. I stayed home and grieved, crying
myself to sleep every night until only a few days later the woman who
owned our house showed up with some people. Since my mother had died
and my father wasn’t around she was giving it to them for a few
coins a day.”
“That’s
horrible! How could anyone kick a child out onto the street?!”
He
looked at me, a weathered kind of pain in his eyes.
“Some
people, especially those in the city, have very different values.
Gold is often worth more than a life there. I was twelve, not quite a
child, but neither was I a young man.”
Bast’s
gaze turned firmly to the fire.
“Suddenly,
I was homeless, jobless and at that moment may as well have been an
orphan. Tolvir saved me. I spent two days on the streets before he
showed up. He went to our house and found someone else living there.
Then he went to the bakery where he learned of my mother's death, but
of course I hadn’t been back since so they didn’t know my
whereabouts. Eventually he found me battered and bruised.
Half-starved and trying to hide among some barrels out the back of
the tannery. The smell kept most people away, including the other
street children who hadn’t taken kindly to me sleeping on their
turf.”
His
eyes returned me across the table.
“He
took me away, into the forest to live with him and the other druids.
He informed my father of what had happened but I never saw him
again.”
He’d
had it just as bad as I had.
“I
understand what it’s like to be lost and alone, but things do get
better.” A ghost of his smile returned, never banished for long it
seemed. “Just look at me now! Esteemed owner of a tiny cottage in
the middle of the woods. How far I’ve come!” he threw his hands
up into the air. “But seriously, if I learned anything from my
past, it’s that things are never truly hopeless, no matter how much
it seems so.”
I
admired him in that moment. He’d been through some terrible times
and still managed to put it all behind him. t gave me a little hope.
“After
all that, I trained with Tolvir and he taught me far more than I’d
ever dreamed of knowing. Eventually I became a druid like him and got
my tattoo’s. While I’ve travelled around a bit since then,
watching over the Greenrock woods is my first actual posting”. Bast
looked both proud and sad as he mentioned that. “I’d have come to
Glimmerdale eventually. I planned on visiting all the towns and
villages bordering me here in the Greenrock Woods, but only got
around to seeing a few, mostly those to the north and east so far.”
We
sat in silence a moment as we both pondered his past.
“Anyway,
enough getting side-tracked! We have things to do! Meditation to
teach.”
Slipping
into the water he began wading toward me much the same as he had the
last two days.
I
began panting as the tingling heat and increasing pressure that
brought on the transformation built inside of me, only this time it
wasn’t as powerful as the previous days. Stepping up onto the mound
of roots serving as my tiny island, Bast sat, watching me carefully
the entire time. While I still felt vulnerable, and was panting and
flushed, I didn’t feel any of the urgency that usually accompanied
his approach. It seemed my other half still didn’t know what to
make of him, but no longer felt he was a major threat.
Following
Bast’s example I sat.
“That
didn’t seem as bad as yesterday.”
“It
wasn’t.”
He
gave me a smile.
“Progress
is progress. Now, we’re not going to push things today. Instead
we’re going to work on strengthening your focus. Cloe your eyes and
we’ll start.”
He
had me do the same thing as the day before, drawing the moment in and
pushing everything else away. Examining it in the greatest detail I
could and locking the picture and feel of it in my mind.
“Now
make it more real. We don’t want a still image anymore, we want a
living, breathing moment with birdsong, wind, light and life.”
Doing
as he said, I added a wave to the grass in my mind, a flutter of
wings in the canopy and even Bast himself sitting on the bank of the
pool, dangling his feet in the water as he had been only a minute
ago. As I added things others slipped to the side and vanished, Bast
would be there but the grass wouldn’t move, or the cottage chimney
spilled smoke into the air but the sunlight didn’t reflect off the
pools surface.
I
felt my brow furrow.
“Don’t
worry if you can’t get it perfect. The point of this exercise is to
improve your ability to focus, holding a full moment in your mind
takes time, training and effort but we’ll get there.”
We
continued this way until midday, when Bast went to make us some
lunch.
He
returned with still sizzling plates of roots and vegetables much the
same as yesterday.
“Sorry
we don’t have any meat. I’ve set more snares but no luck yet.”
“It’s
fine. I’d have offered to help but, you know”, I jingled my
chains.
We
began eating but I had to ask a question that’d been plaguing me
for a while now.
“Are
you sure this will help me? I mean, it’s nice just to take in a
peaceful moment, but I don’t really understand how this is supposed
to help.”
Swallowing
his mouthful, he replied, “There’s two reasons for what we’re
doing. One is getting you to the point where you can truly hold a
moment in your mind; a living thing, rather than just a static image.
The other is for you the know
this place and these moments intimately so you can return to them
even when surrounded by chaos and confusion. In a way, you’re
learning to use them as an anchor against your emotions and instincts
when you feel they might overwhelm you.”
That
kind of made sense. One other question sprang to mind.
“What
did you mean when you said you’d help me ‘despite what the others
would say’? Who are the others? Why wouldn’t they want you to
help me?”
He
sighed, looking down at his food.
“We
were taught that were-creatures were to be killed on sight. That
finding balance between their two halves never happened as inevitably
there is some disconnect between them. Because of the disconnect
they are unstable kill those around them, beginning a downward spiral
where their human half loathes themselves while their wolf half feels
just the opposite. Not only that, but some believed that even if one
was to find balance they would lose it again eventually and we simply
can’t risk spreading the curse. It’s our duty to prevent it,
seemingly at all costs.”
When
he put it like that, perhaps they were right to kill us.
“Don’t
worry. I obviously don’t feel that way and you shouldn’t either!
“
He
must have read what I was thinking from my expression.
“Believing
in the worst outcome just makes it come true.” His sincere belief
in what he said was obvious as he spoke firmly and with passion.
“Also I think the meditation is helping. Just the other day you
were bouncing between rage and fear at a light breeze and you said
yourself your struggle earlier wasn’t as bad as yesterday. Don’t
lose faith in yourself just because someone else feels you’re a
danger. The king might
order
the villages around his castle pillaged and burnt to the ground, but
that’s not justification for taking his life. It is the person and
what they do that matters, not what they might do.”
“You’re
right, but I...what if they’re right. Even if I get through this
who’s to say I won’t lose it later? I can’t help but be scared
of what might happen.” Visions of me in Jaron’s place sauntered
before my eyes and rage stirred within me. I’d never
do the things he did.
“Alison
calm down. Your eyes are starting to glow.”
I
blinked. I hadn’t even noticed, the heat pooling behind my eyes had
snuck up on me as if to emphasize my point.
“Sorry.”
“You're
right to be scared, but don’t let the fear consume you. We’ll get
past this. Give me your plate and we’ll get back to work.”
Sliding
my plate over to him, he picked it up and placed it on top of his own
beside him.
“This
time we’re going to do something different. You’ve gotten very
good at drawing in a moment already. Now I want you to focus on your
instincts. What are they urging you to do? What does it feel like?”
Closing
my eyes, I relaxed and turned my thoughts inward. At first, I felt
only the same constant tingling heat in my veins and the pressure
hiding within my bones. Focusing on the pressure I realised I could
sense it building, growing ever so slowly even when at rest. Pushing
my awareness into it I was surrounded by a familiar feeling,
something I recognized deep down from all the times I’d shifted or
been overrun by my newer instincts. It was myself, the other part of
myself. I’d crossed the split in my soul. Now I was aware of it I
could feel it inside me, a chasm separating two distinct parts...and
it hurt. Each side reached out toward the other with jagged edges,
scraping and gouging and I felt it all.
Snapping
my eyes open I fell forward onto my hands covered in sweat and
gasping for breath.
“Alison!
What happened?!” Came Bast’s voice from nearby before swiftly
being swallowed by the rushing of blood in my ears.
Deep
pain welled up from inside. All I could do was pull myself into as
tight a ball as possible, shuddering as what felt like blades stabbed
at my insides. I heard frantic movement and the splashing of water
but was unable to turn and look. Minutes or moments later, I couldn’t
be sure, a new scent filled my nostrils washing across my mind like a
wave. It didn’t help but it gave me something else to focus on than
the pain.
Slowly
the edge on the agony dulled. It grew more and more faint, as though
gradually slipping back into the depths of my soul and I found myself
lying on the smooth silver bark of the great tree for a third time,
completely and utterly exhausted.
“Alison.”
Rolling
my half open eyes toward him without moving my head, Bast stared back
with his brow furrowed and lips in a grimace. He held a small wooden
bowl spilling out powerfully sweet smoke.
“You’re
back! Can you move?”
I
tried to unravel myself but my arms barely responded.
He
grew visibly more concerned at my lack of response. Conflict
flittered across his face a moment before his expression grew firm.
“I'm taking you inside.”
Placing
the bowl at his feet, Bast drew a metal key from within his robes.
Gently taking my left arm, I heard a sharp ‘snicht’ and the
manacle fell free. Once he’d removed all of them, he slid his arms
under my knees and back, lifting me to his chest. Carefully wading
into the water, he carried me towards the open door of the cottage. I
couldn’t help but groan as he jostled me stepping up onto the bank
of the pool.
“Sorry.”
“-s’all
right.” I mumbled, barely a whisper.
“What
happened?” his head tilted closer to hear.
"-split...in
soul.”
He
turned a little paler at that, but it didn’t stop him from taking
me inside and depositing me directly on a bed.
“I’ll
be right back. Don’t go anywhere”, he rushed out of the room and
I drifted into blackness.
Points: 35774
Reviews: 1274
Donate