Chapter
10
I
woke slowly, just lying there, not really realizing I was awake until
my aching muscles intruded on the moment. Cracking my eyelid’s, I
found myself lying on a simple bed wrapped in a plain green blanket.
Memories of the day before came back to me and I was suddenly wide
awake.
Sitting
up took far more effort than it should have, but I ignored it and
immediately glanced down at my wrists. No chains! The creaking of the
bed must have alerted Bast, since barely a moment passed before the
door opened.
“How
are you feeling?” he asked while glancing over me. He kept his
distance, but his concern was evident upon his face.
“I’m
fine. I think I’m just a bit sore and weak.” I pushed myself
backward on the bed so I could prop myself up against the wall
further away from him.
“Were
you just waiting at the door?”
“No.
I was sitting outside in the sun, but I was waiting for you to wake
up”, he said with a tight smile. “I was worried after last night,
and I can’t risk you running away as you are.”
“You
think you could stop me?” I asked evenly, looking him up and down.
Part of me was very confident I could overpower him, probably without
breaking a sweat.
He
shrugged.
“I
don't know and I’d rather not find out if you don’t mind. Why
leave though? I’m trying to help and where would you go?” He
gestured questioningly with his hands. “Here is the best place for
you right now.”
As
much as it hurt, he had a point. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Uncomfortable silence filled air between us as before Bast spoke
again.
“What
exactly happened last night? You mumbled a few things, then passed
out.”
“You
were right. I found the- the split inside myself. Each half felt like
jagged stone grinding against the other, stabbing and scraping”, I
shuddered realizing the sensation wasn’t just a memory. “I can
still feel it.”
Now
that I was aware of it, I wasn’t sure how I’d missed it before. I
felt a... splintering. Like I was slowly fraying into tiny slivers of
who I was. It didn’t hurt exactly, but I felt sick knowing what was
happening. I was losing pieces of myself and there was nothing I
could do to stop it.
“I
have to fix it!” I exclaimed desperately.
“Alison
you need to calm down, your eyes are glowing again.”
At
some point I’d drawn my knees up to my chest and I was panting
heavily. The enormity of what was happening inside of me threaten to
overwhelm me. The tingling heat suffused every muscle and the
pressure against my skin, inside my bones, was almost unbearable.
“Think
of the glade outside, the peaceful moment’s we’ve worked on
drawing in. Focus on them and remember how you felt.”
Slamming
my eyes shut, I did as he said, trying to bring the moment’s I’d
been mediating on to the forefront of my mind. I managed it, holding
it in the center of my mind and pushing everything else to the side.
It was an oasis of peace in the middle of the storm inside me and the
changes began to reverse, at least until I noticed me sitting under
the silver tree, manacles imprisoning my limbs. Once they caught my
focus, I lost sight of everything else until the chains were all I
could see.
A
fury filled roar rumbled up my throat as my skin began to stretch.
“Alison,
you just told me you needed to fix this! Control yourself!"
I
barely heard his words over the blood pounding in my ears. Even then
I didn’t care to listen. He
was
the one who put me in those chains! There was no stopping it now.
Rage boiled inside me and it was taking everything I had just to
remember why I was resisting, and to slow the transformation as much
as I was.
Panic
and desperation clashed with relief inside me as the powerful scent
of Bast’s wolfsbane dust reached my nose. I had to stop him!...but
did I want to? My indecision gave him all the time he needed. In
moments the scent smothered everything, bringing my transformation to
a seizing halt.
When
I regained my senses, I was lying in a damp mess of torn blanket on
the bed.
“Are
you alright?”
Glancing
up at Bast from behind a few tresses of sweat soaked hair I shrugged
weakly. I’d already been feeling tired and sore after yesterday,
now I wasn’t even sure I could stand if I tried.
“It
looked like you almost had it that time. What went wrong?”
“I
did as you said, focusing on the moments under the silver tree. It
seemed to help until I noticed that I was still in chains.”
“Ah”,
he exclaimed. “Still, if it hadn’t been for that I think you
might have managed it.”
I
was doubtful. For a moment I might have almost had it, but then I’d
almost forgotten why I was resisting entirely.
“Are
you going to put the manacles back on?” I said with a sigh,
defeated.
“No.
I don’t think so. They’re clearly just making things worse.”
“Aren’t
you afraid I’ll attack you?”
If
I was him, I certainly would be.
“Not
really.”
That
was enough for me to lift my head and look at him in disbelief for a
moment before dropping it back to the bed.
“Well
I am”, I replied.
“Let
me take care of myself. You just worry about you alright?”
When
I didn’t respond he continued.
“We
can fix this, but at the risk of beating a dead horse, you have to
accept what you are. I wish there was a cure, but without one this is
the only way. You may not be entirely human, but at least you’ll
still be yourself.”
He
was right. I nodded, determined to be whole again. Against what I’d
felt last night...what I still felt vaguely, being half wolf didn’t
seem like such a big obstacle. The feeling I’d be less human if I
accepted it still bothered me, but as Bast had said, there was no
other way. I had to fix this, quickly. With that in mind I met his
gaze.
“What’s
next?”
-----------------------
Bast
and I spent a several days simply living and working on strengthening
my focus. It turned out the cottage only had three rooms, two small
bedrooms and a main dining room slash kitchen leading directly to the
outside.
Now
that I was free of the chains and I’d had some time to get used to
Bast’s presence, even my wolf half didn’t feel overly hostile
towards Bast. I still kept my distance, never any closer than just
beyond arms reach.
Eventually
I felt I could hold an entire moment in my mind without any of the
details fading away and Bast agreed. As peaceful as it was in the
glade, I found myself growing more restless as time went on. Dad and
the others were still out there. The longer it took for me to try
save them, the worse off they’d be. The splintering I felt in
myself was happening to them too, and like me before, they didn’t
even realize it. The thing was...how would I save them? The only plan
I’d come up with is challenging Jaron. I had a feeling he’d
accept, but I had another equally strong feeling I’d lose. He was a
lot bigger than I was and had been a werewolf longer and was used to
his body. All I had was Bast and there was no real way he could help
me beyond what he was already doing, or was there?
“Don’t
think too hard, you might break something.”
I
glanced up to find Bast smiling at me across the long wooden table
that took up the center of the main room.
“Yeah
something like your neck”, I replied flippantly.
“Well
then, I suppose I have a vested interest in getting you to stop
thinking and talk to me instead. What’s on your mind?”
“I
don't know how to save my Dad and the others”, his usual smile
turned grim at the subject but I continued. “They’ve been out
there almost two weeks now and I can’t think of a way to save them
and stop Jaron.”
"Perhaps
if they were separated from Jaron somehow, and still haven’t done
too many things their former selves would have found
unforgivable...and we had them confined with enough time to work them
through everything...” he trailed off into silence a moment. “I’m
sorry. Everything I was taught was more about stopping werewolves
than saving any. If it’s been done before we weren’t told of it.
That’s probably so we would never be tempted to try and end up
getting ourselves killed.”
I
felt defeated and we hadn’t even tried. There had to be a way.
Otherwise... no. I couldn’t bear thinking about that.
“Come
now, you’re doing better than ever. The last few days have been
great. I’d say we’re about ready to force your two natures to
confront each other once again. There’s just one more thing I want
to do first.”
“And
what’s that?” Bast’s offered change of subject felt like a
lifeline and I took it gladly.
“Now
that we’ve engrained some tranquil moments in your mind and you
understand how important it is that you accept what you’ve become”,
he paused, looking at me like it was a question and I nodded firmly,
“we’re going to talk about you.”
“What?”
I looked at him like he was stupid which got his smile to reappear.
“It’s
important. What do you want out of life?”
“I
don’t know. What do you
want out of life?”
I threw back at him. I didn’t really want to talk about myself.
Almost everything I had and was felt like a distant memory now.
“I
want to help you not die or kill anyone”, he said with a pointed
look.
Well
if he was going to put it that way...
“Fine”,
I replied sullenly. “I’ve always wanted to do the things Old Joe
talked about. He had stories from all over the world, or it seemed
that way at the time. He travelled and saw things I can barely
imagine. When he talked about them, he had this shine to his eyes and
I couldn’t help but feel I was missing out, missing something
crucial from my own life.” I paused and looked up at him.
“Good.
That’s exactly what I wanted to know”, Bast leaned back in his
chair looking at me strangely, head tilted to one side.
“What?”
“Nothing.
It’s something to talk about later. For now, I want to run a little
test.”
“What
kind of test?” I asked mildly anxious.
“A
test to see if those stick-like arms of yours are stronger than they
look. Werewolves are supposed keep a small amount of the strength and
senses even in human form”, he shrugged. “I’m curious.”
"I'm
just some fancy pet to you, aren't I?"
He
gave me a wide grin, eyes manic and as wide as he could get them
while sweeping his arms up.
"Of
course!"
I
shook my head side to side.
"Even
Finn isn't as strange as you."
"This
Finn sounds like a fine, upstanding gentleman."
Ignoring
him, I tried to remember how things were before I changed. It was
strangely difficult and the memories felt almost like they were
someone else's.
“My
hearing and sense of smell is definitely better than I remember it,
but I don’t feel any stronger”, I said.
I
recalled how loud and vivid everything seemed waking up the day after
that first shift.
“Good
to know my teachers got something right. It seems odd that you’d
have one and not the other. Are you sure you haven't lifted any
horses lately?” he raised his eyebrows quizzically.
“Yes”,
I just looked at him.
Leaping
to his feet, which so far seemed to be the only way he knew how to
get out of a chair, he went outside with a brisk walk.
“Coming?”
he yelled back.
Following
him outside I found him standing next to a pile of rocks all the way
from fist size up to bigger than my torso.
“You
planned this. Really?”
“Why
wouldn’t I have? Now, grab a rock.”
Taking
a smaller one that I could grasp in one hand I lifted it easily. It
didn’t seem any lighter than it should be.
“Well?”
asked Bast impatiently.
“Feels
normal to me.”
“Try
a bigger one.”
Putting
the rock back on the pile I wrapped both hands a larger one, lifting
it with a moderate amount of effort.
“Seems
like you lifted that one easily.”
“Doesn’t
feel any lighter”, I replied.
“Seriously?
That rock is as big as your head. That should be pretty heavy.”
My
brow furrowed. Should I really find this difficult?
“Pick
up that one”, Bast pointed to the one of the largest in the pile.
Dropping
the rock in my hands I knelt down next the one he’d indicated,
placing a hand under either end.
This
time I grunted as I stood up. It took some serious effort to lift.
Bast
smiled at me like a kid who’d just got a new toy.
“Now
there is no way
you should be able to lift that. ”
He
was right. Staring at the large rock in my arms, almost a small
boulder really, I felt a strange disconnect. Lifting this much didn’t
seem out of the ordinary at all, except that it was something I’d
never have been able to do before. Still it felt normal, expected
even.
“But
it feels like the right weight for a rock this size”, I shook my
head side to side before raising my head to look at Bast.
“I
could barely lift that!” he exclaimed before his expression
suddenly turned to wariness.
“Your
eyes are glowing.”
I
started. When had that happened? I’d been so focused I hadn’t
even noticed the heat pooling behind my eyes.
Dropping
the rock, I took a quick step away from him.
“Hold
on a minute. Don’t bolt on me now. How do you feel?” He must have
seen the panic in my expression.
I felt mostly fine. Besides my
eyes there was a tight feeling as the pressure flowed into my muscles
keeping them tense, wound like coiled rope.
"Hot
and a bit like my skin in too tight, but I’m in control.”
His
smile returned.
“Well
I’d say that’s a good thing. You’re definitely stronger, but
when you draw heavily on that strength it brings out your second
nature. Interesting, and if that’s happening I’d say your two
halves might be close enough to try bringing them together again.”
I
looked at him sharply.
“You
really think so?” I asked as the heat slowly faded away.
I
needed to be done with this. I had people to save.
“I
just said it didn’t I?” Bast turned around and began making his
way to the silver tree.
Walking
closely behind him, I followed suit when he sat at the base of the
trunk, feeling the sense of weight and peace exuding from the bark.
“We’ll
start the same way as usual. Start when you’re ready.”
I
closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as Bast
had taught me in the last week. Once I felt relaxed and had pushed
all everything else from my mind I began building the moment in my
mind. I’d found that taking in each detail my senses could make out
one by one and locking them in place before moving on was the best
method. When I had a clear picture in my head of Bast and I sitting
meditating while life continued around us I gave a tiny nod.
“Good.
Now I want you to do the same as that first time, focus on who and
what you, but this time remember why you’re doing this and hold the
moment as an anchor against everything else.”
I
did as he said. Adding details to the moment in my mind as they I
thought them, even if they didn’t show visually.
“One
last thing. I want you to focus on your instincts and the other half
of yourself, much like you did that third day, but slowly, gently”,
Bast’s
voice came quiet but firm.
Delving
into myself and submerging my mind in the heat and pressure softly,
the split in my soul came to the fore. This time however it didn’t
seem so wide and the edges while not exactly smooth, weren’t the
sharpened spikes they had been the last time. The version of myself
in my mind changed. Overlaid on top of me was my werewolf form. It
appeared vaguely transparent and off center, but it was clear that
there were two separate yet connect pieces in the same space.
“I’m
going repeat the same statements as last time. Focus purely on the
moment and each half of yourself and answer immediately as the
response comes to mind.”
"You
are a human."
"You
are a predator."
"You
are a wolf."
<...yes>
My
fingers twitched. This time instead of two responses only one
returned, but it was rough like uncut stone where the others had been
smooth as the surface of the pond around us.
I
felt something change and in the moment I held in my mind, the human
verson of me spasmed and grew to match the werewolf that overlaid her
before shrinking back to human form. The werewolf was me. I felt it
now. We were one and the same. I, was one and the same. The tingling
heat felt like a light fizz in my veins and the pressure had spread
into my muscles. Still, since they were truly a part of me they
seemed much easier to manage.
Exhaling,
I opened my eyes and turned to Bast.
“We
did it!” Joy and a sense of being whole flooded through me and I
went to throw myself at him for a hug when I noticed the caution on
his face.
His
looked back at me a moment before tilting his head to one side
quizzically. Leaning in close, he stared directly into my eyes.
"What?"
I said while moving away awkwardly, trying to maintain a normal
distance between us.
"Your
eyes are no longer glowing."
I
raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
He
stopped leaning toward me.
"They
were glowing even through your eyelids for a moment there, and
they’ve changed. Look for yourself", he gestured at the water.
Rolling
forward onto my hands, I found my reflection staring back at me from
the water's surface. Eyes like shards of dark amber stared back at
me, wide with shock. There wasn’t a speck of their previous emerald
green to be found.
"What
does this mean?"
Bast
remained silent a moment before speaking, a pensive note in his
voice.
"I
can only assume that in your case, 'the eyes are the windows to the
soul' is more than just an expression. Now that you've begun to
accept your other half properly, it's clearly had some physical
effect", he paused. "It makes sense, the curse acts upon
your physical form based on the state of your mind and soul. There's
bound to be some outward sign."
A
scraping sound announced him standing and a lightly tanned hand
entered my vision.
"This
is a good thing."
"How
so?" I asked as I took his offered hand and he pulled me to my
feet.
"It's
proof that you are accepting what you are. If some of your other
forms' characteristics bleed through to your human form, then perhaps
you'll retain more humanity while in your other form as well. Not
just that, but those tests we did this morning are probably out of
date now. With a closer connection to your more toothy self, I’d be
willing to bet more of its strengths bleed over as well."
The
same broad smile I'd first seen him with spread across his face.
"I
think you're gonna be just fine. Good thing too, I wasn’t entire
sure this would work. I've always been a rather poor student of
meditation myself."
I
stared at him in disbelief.
“What!
I thought you were supposed to be a druid or whatever!”
“I
am. I just didn’t say I was the best druid now did I?”
“You
weren’t even sure this would work! What if I’d lost it and ripped
you to shreds?”
“Aw.
You do care”, he said in a cutesy voice. “Don’t worry, I’m
tougher than I look.”
“Are
all druids like you?” I asked. The exasperation in my voice just
made him grin all the wider.
“Nope.
I’m one of a kind. Most of the others are as old as dirt and twice
as dry. Or that’s how my mentor put it anyway. Let’s go inside.
This calls for a celebration!”, Bast exclaimed throwing his arms
into the air.
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