The Fire

by Armadian

Published April 7, 2005

I sat there,
feeding wood into the fire.

And it burns.
Burning.

First came a crackle,
then a magnificent
light lit up.

Lightning.

My hands felt warm above it and
I felt safe.

The warmth was so satisfying.
It made me smile.

Cunning.

It seemed like all my passions
were shown inside.

I knew that nothing can harm me if I stay near it.

Stunning.

The fire was so beautiful.
I thought I was ugly.

As I stare in it, my determination builds
up and I sing.

Humming.

All my tears of pain and worries
soon died away.

But soon it died down after 3hours
and I whine.

Calming.

Next time I will again see the fire.

Turning. :twisted:

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Sgt.Pepper
Comment
Sgt.Pepper commented Comment · Apr 16, 2005

Hey, really good job with this poem, it works really well. All the one liners sounded good. But in the second last line I dont think you need the work "again" but thats your choice, good job with it all.

User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Apr 11, 2005

My only beef with this poem was some of the line breaks.

First came a crackle,
then a magnificent
light,
lit up.


I'd say rewrite this as:

First came a crackle,
then a magnificent light
lit up.

My hands felt warm around it and
I felt safe.


Maybe:

My hands felt warm around it
and I felt safe.

I knew that nothing can harm me if I stay near it.


You could probably break this up, and decide what tense you want. If you want past, change "can" and "stay" to "could" and "stayed". As most of the poem goes with it, that's probably what I'd do. I'd rewrite it:

I knew
That nothing could harm me
If I stayed near it.

I also agree with Lollipop, but I'd split it into three lines.

As I stare into it,
My determination builds up,
And I sing.

Other than that, good job.

User avatar
Armadian
Comment
Armadian commented Comment · Apr 9, 2005

Thanks Micah

User avatar
Micah
Comment
Micah commented Comment · Apr 9, 2005

This was unique, as a poem.

I liked all the one-line words, cunning, humming, and stunning, y'know what I mean.:)
They were great.

Keep writing!

User avatar
Armadian
Comment
Armadian commented Comment · Apr 7, 2005

Thank you lollipop

User avatar
Lollipop
Review
Lollipop wrote a review Review · Apr 7, 2005

I liked this. I liked the way you used short stanzas and the way you kept describing the fire along the way. Cool!
One little thing though:

As I stare in it, my determination builds
up and I sing.

The break here wasn't great for me. Maybe you should do this:

As I stare into it, my determination builds up
And I sing

I'm no poetry critic, and I don't know what other people will think but maybe it's just me that doesn't like this. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this poem. Well Done!! :D :D



Daddy Long Legs are more closely related to crabs than spiders and somehow the idea of crablike creatures with spider legs that have escaped the entrappings of the primordial sea and now crawl over land and can walk up and down walls and ceilings creeps me more than I can adequately describe.
— Snoink