Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Okay...so before I begin I have to throw in a bit of a disclaimer that I normally don't dabble in the poetry side of things because I am not that well versed in the art of poetry, so I'll just be providing some of the impressions that I had because more technical aspects are not something I am really all that well versed in here.

As for that impression, this is very intriguing. Somehow that opening stanza seems to be fully disconnected with the rest of it and I'm not certain if that's just cause there's a meaning deeper in here that I am currently missing or if there's maybe something else behind it. It is difficult to say.

The vibe that I am getting from this situation is a very intriguing one as a result, because we've got this last one which seems to be telling people or rather children to almost sort of mobilize and try and behave better or something along those lines. Its almost like something of an admonishment verse of sorts, but then that first one is just sort of randomly going on about how once must sort of stay true to themselves by writing.

So yeah that is what I have managed to extract from the situation here. I think it certainly is an interesting piece here if nothing else, although there is a part there, that could perhaps be explained a bit clearer,, especially how it jumps from that second stanza to the third.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey there armadian.

This poem is relying heavily upon the rhyme scheme, which is what ruined it for me. The one thing that might be my ultimate pet peeve for poetry is forced rhyme, which is a phrase that explains itself. There is no way the rhyme scheme of this particular piece could be natural nor could the phrasing. When the poet puts so much effort into the rhyme and/or the imagery, the end result is often something far from what they planned.

I feel like you were going for some level of serious patriotism but the cheapness of the forced rhyme pattern scatters any of that intent. And the definition of the intended patriotism keeps moving around in this poem, from country, to the cause of writing, and finally to the fact that kids need to stay in school. More than anything else it feels like a rip off of a classic rock song and it's certainly not doing anything for me.

I think I already made that point clear though. Outside of the rhyme scheme and pseudo serious topic, the next thing bothering me is the formatting and structure. If you want some redeeming hope in this poem, I would recommend splitting the last line out of the last stanza. Then at least it's works better as a finalization and maybe it won't look as much like you're trying to rhyme "wave" with "wave", yet another type of forced rhyme apparent in this poem.

So uh good luck.
There wasn't really any effort put into this outside of the rhymes and that was very disappointing to me.

Happy revmo.
- lizz

The last stanza confuses me. I'm not sure what exactly you were trying to say.

Not sure I like it, but I enjoyed the spirit behind it. Careful about choosing words just because they rhyme.