Published April 1, 2005
Ants
They eat our food and steal our crumbs,
They're small,tiny,and shift.
Doesn't get afraid at all those dumbs,
I could kill them with a swift!
They hunt in groups as a colony,
Such dummies they are, doesn't know what's apolgy
Those ants crawl up my feet,
and disturb me when I eat!
They disgust me,those creatures,
Oh, they make such ugly pictures!
I know I can rule them because
they are so wee,
So feeble they are, I can wash them into the sea!
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140,548 Literary Works • 673,420 Reviews
Thats a cute and funny poem about ants. makes perfect sense
Haha, this sounds like an anthem I need for those pesky intruders in my kitchen.
Something I want to ask though: what is a 'dumbs'? I'm not really sure whether that was an attempt to be witty or you just had no other way to make it rhyme. Same with 'shift'.
Funny poem, anyway. XD
Hey.
The way this poem is set up makes some parts kinda hard to understand. For example...
I had to reread this twice to get what was going on, and even then my brain was saying, "Wait, that doesn't make sense...there's got to be a better way to put that..."
But I think it's a cute idea. Keep writing!
Hi there. Lavvi in to review.
This a cute poem, but unfortunately, some or four lines are unfinished.
With a swift what? A swift hit? Wash? Step? Hit them with a broom? Specify.
You mean to write shiftyhere. Of course, shift rhymes with swift, but it doesn't make sense to not add the -y. Without the -y, it could mean a type of undergarment or someone moving slightly to one side or something. It doesn't make sense.
Er, what? Either they hunt in groups or they hunt as a colony. You decide.
This doesn't make sense. Dumb is a descriptor, not really a noun.
And after commas, there's always a space, no matter what.
Yours,
Lavvi
Okay, I like the feeling in this poem, because I can tell that ants make you upset. Maybe you could add more imagery than telling us actions.
Some diction errors and things. But nice idea!
eheheheheheheheeheheheheeheheheheheh this was so cute! I am goign to punch you now.... heheheha you asked why.. AHAHAHA