Young Writers Society

Great poem although I always go for simplicity in words when it comes to poems.
The imagery is well penned out as I read this poem, I felt like a tree for some reason.

It is obvious that there is a deep meaning in this poem and I like to think it is whatever I want it to be.

I struggled to understand what this poem was about when I first read it. I saw it in the lit spotlight and assume that this was the original work that others have taken the title of.
The way the poem is written has a clean and precise structure, with good control over line length and neatness of rhythm and structure.
I presume the omission of any capital letters was deliberate and I honestly believe it adds to the charm of the work - it gives the impression of raw ideas, raw thought. I like that.
Personally, I see this work as a message about life and its cycle and how humans are connected with nature. The tone of the writing is very wistful and thought-provoking. I also like the fact that the poem is short, it gives the person reading it less time to complicate your ideas and you tell them how it is and a sweet and sorrowful way.
Well done.

Great poem! It put a lot of great images into my mind, and the daisy metaphor was really good. I loved the wording and details. Good job!

Hey Ancifo,

This is the best poem I think I've ever seen from you. The images are solid and ringing, they hang heavily across each line and weight the poem as I read it, giving it gravitas as well as momentum to move forward through each stanza. I can see that the subject matter is probably very personally motivated, rich with half-suggested histories and a bevy of related images the poem carries your personal concerns very well.

The one thing that is the clearest problem for me is that this image rich poem doesn't breath. We swing from heavy to heavy without getting any of the air in between and that makes the poem feel a bit claustrophobic. It's entirely possible that the claustrophobia is intentional, that you're commenting on the thick, immutable, passage of history and personality and that the intersection is hairline thin and that's why we're not allowed to breathe - because the subjects haven't breathed, they're not ready to breathe, we're not breathing. If that's the case, it's working hella well. The downshot to that, however, is that by the time we slide into the final two stanzas, we've got a bit of sensory overload and the read of the poem slows right down. I remember, when I look away from the poem, much more of the first three stanzas than I do of the last two, and that's not about the quality of the stanzas themselves obviously. You actually have a really great consistency of quality across the entire poem, and so my focus is on the feeling of the reading of the poem itself.

I like that there's no punctuation, you don't need it and it adds to the suffocating feeling of the poem, how we get to read the poem as naturally as we can without extra aide. We got into this mess, we have to get ourselves out of it. I don't know if I'm reading way too much into your poem, you did this as part of Strange's exercise rather and a singular attempt at writing something that is significant and meaningful. but for me, it is clearly both of those things, regardless of how long it might have taken to write, and of how many others have the same title.

This is written very well and I think you ought to be pretty well chuffed. I love it.

Thanks for posting
- <3

The first line kind of has a Rythm but I feel like we lose it. Also is this guy dead? And he is writing a poem? Some stuff needs to be capitalized and I see like no punctuation. Its really sad, but I really like the idea. Can bees wilt? Also in the second stanza you say "they sang summer" twice. Did you mean to do that or was that by accident. I really loved it and it gave me chills! Can't wait to see more! Bye

I really really like this

The images were so vivid and lovely and bittersweet. It was like a mouthful of honey. Lovely lovely.

If you just wrote this really fast like everyone else appeared to, then kudos to you, because I really find this fantastic.

Something I wished for just a little bit was maybe a breather between all these awesome images, so that I could have time to digest them a bit. But I also liked being overwhelmed with it all. I'd like it both ways. It's just hard to see every detail when you have all these things assaulting your imagination and senses (in a good way)

I like the images so much, with the egg, and the novas, and the cobwebs...
I feel like you could organize it into a little more intuitive order or something. Maybe that would help with what I was talking about earlier. Instead of just jumping around from thing to thing to thing, if the reader got some sort of ground on what to expect next, it would be helpful. Just even transition words would help, like "in the morning" etc. Or maybe you go from small things to large, or from inside to outside, or something. I'm sure you could think of something.

But really, your wording and diction and word choice and images and sensory details were just sooo delicious. I really enjoyed this.

Great job anci. I hope I helped somewhat.

Keep writing!
~fortis