Hello Arkhaion, steampowered here for a review this fine Review Day! I haven’t read the other chapters, but as I read through this I felt like it explained enough of the preceding plot to work as a standalone chapter. So that’s how I’ll review it.
He studied the patterns on the oval tabletop, red and black diamonds on stark white, and decided that whoever decorated the Alamo thought all Native Americans were Navajo.
OK, so I don’t know if Elijah is of Native American heritage or not, but assuming he’s not this is a really, really great way to show the reader how intellectual he is. Reading this, I got a kind of impression that he might be one of those reclusive, slightly obnoxious, rather pedantic intellectuals – the sort whose favourite word is “ignoramus”. But I’m not totally sure about that, of course.
They looked about as real as a kindergarten teacher in the classroom.
Personally, I didn’t like your word choice here because I found the meaning was slightly confusing. Would “genuine” be a stronger word than “real”?
I’m not totally sure how the aliens are speaking English, but I guess that’s a feature of every alien story ever. Maybe one of the aliens who’s been on Earth for a long time could act as translator, but that might interfere with the flow of the story.
Also, I know I wouldn’t be asking this if I’d read the previous chapters, but are Kitty and Mavon the same character?
You make use of a few alien tropes (like the speaking English thing) but this story still feels creative and original – carried along somewhat, I feel, by the good characterisation. Your writing style is excellent, so I don’t have anything to say about that – in fact, the only thing I can really advise you to do is to never stop writing!
Points: 455
Reviews: 359
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