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The Fatalities In My Family Chapter Two: Gloriana

by AriesBookworm


   I can hardly breathe. Kill? I have never killed anyone, how come I have to be the one. As much as I want to voice these thoughts, I do not. I don't have the courage to go against Papa. I am driven for the longest half hour of my life before we finally reach the Woodstruck household. My other family members are all right beside us. This is a completely reckless decision. Aside from the fact that we're all wearing black hoods, anyone could easily identify the number of people gathered around a single house.

"Ambrose, what's the plan?"

I've very rarely heard my mother call my father by his real name. She usually calls him by his nickname, Gabe. But today, she'd lost a child. Today she means business.

"Gloriana and I go in, everyone else, kill whoever spots you. I don't care what you have to do, erase any witnesses."

Papa roughly grabs my hand and drags me to a window. He breaks it and we both enter. It's dead silent as we both enter.

"I know you heard that window. It's rude to not introduce yourselves to your guests." Papa calls out, anger flashing in his eyes as he smiles.

Silence.

Papa hands me a knife.

"We'll just wait for the coward to come out-"

A man with a gun turns the corner. His eyes are narrowed and full of fury. Papa swiftly shoots him though, making him fall to the ground.

"Stay here."

Papa marches upstairs and I watch the man on the floor. This is the second member of the Woodstruck family that I've had the honor of meeting. He looks me dead in the eye and for some reason cannot look away. Our eyes are locked. I have the urge to say something but don't know what. Papa comes down the stairs dragging a young boy my age behind him.

"Gloriana, meet Brady Woodstruck." Papa says with a grin.

Brady looks horrified. His eyes are so wide that they're practically bulging out of his head. Papa gestures for me to walk towards him and I do. My hand trembles and I nearly drop the knife.

"The fine for a blood offense is blood, Gloriana." Papa says.

Brady is now beginning to cry.

"God, forgive me." I mutter before lifting my knife and plunging it into Brady Woodstruck's neck.


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6 Reviews


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Reviews: 6

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Mon Nov 29, 2021 4:23 pm
savannah_ohh wrote a review...



Hey, I have a review for you!

"I can hardly breathe. Kill? I have never killed anyone, how come I have to be the one. As much as I want to voice these thoughts, I do not. I don't have the courage to go against Papa."

I like how it already starts off with a challenge for the main character. She obviously is uncomfortable with killing someone, and it kinda shows us she's intimidated by her father because she refuses to speak up about it.

"I've very rarely heard my mother call my father by his real name. She usually calls him by his nickname, Gabe. But today, she'd lost a child. Today she means business.

"Gloriana and I go in, everyone else, kill whoever spots you. I don't care what you have to do, erase any witnesses."

Papa roughly grabs my hand and drags me to a window. He breaks it and we both enter. It's dead silent as we both enter.

"I know you heard that window. It's rude to not introduce yourselves to your guests." Papa calls out, anger flashing in his eyes as he smiles.

Silence.

Papa hands me a knife.

"We'll just wait for the coward to come out-"

A man with a gun turns the corner. His eyes are narrowed and full of fury. Papa swiftly shoots him though, making him fall to the ground."


I like how it shows the difference between a regular day. It shows one way her mother was affected by what happened. She was more serious. I also really like the details and descriptions you added, like the, "anger flashes in his eyes as he smiles" and the, "his eyes narrowed and full of fury." It can really add some spice to your story and I just really liked it. The action in general was described really well! It gave me a good picture in my head of what was happening.

Brady looks horrified. His eyes are so wide that they're practically bulging out of his head. Papa gestures for me to walk towards him and I do. My hand trembles and I nearly drop the knife.

"The fine for a blood offense is blood, Gloriana." Papa says.

Brady is now beginning to cry.

"God, forgive me." I mutter before lifting my knife and plunging it into Brady Woodstruck's neck.

Personally, this is my favorite chapter of the whole series so far because Brady died. I don't know Brady, but I hate the name Brady. So good for him. And good for Gloriana for killing him. She deserves a medal for world peace. I hope she has a great day, because she deserves it for killing Brady.




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Fri Nov 26, 2021 5:59 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this is a very powerful moment here. This story is certainly not pulling any punches whatsoever as we're getting things going and this one family has had a lot of members exterminated very quickly at this point.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I can hardly breathe. Kill? I have never killed anyone, how come I have to be the one. As much as I want to voice these thoughts, I do not. I don't have the courage to go against Papa. I am driven for the longest half hour of my life before we finally reach the Woodstruck household. My other family members are all right beside us. This is a completely reckless decision. Aside from the fact that we're all wearing black hoods, anyone could easily identify the number of people gathered around a single house.

"Ambrose, what's the plan?"

I've very rarely heard my mother call my father by his real name. She usually calls him by his nickname, Gabe. But today, she'd lost a child. Today she means business.


Well...this is a nice little detail there to remind us of exactly what the weight behind this situation truly is here with how this family has just been rocked with a death. Adding in the emotions surrounding this person is also a nice moment here.

"Gloriana and I go in, everyone else, kill whoever spots you. I don't care what you have to do, erase any witnesses."

Papa roughly grabs my hand and drags me to a window. He breaks it and we both enter. It's dead silent as we both enter.

"I know you heard that window. It's rude to not introduce yourselves to your guests." Papa calls out, anger flashing in his eyes as he smiles.

Silence.

Papa hands me a knife.


Okayy....well this person sounds like they are very very confident here in the middle of breaking into this house with potentially armed people. This is quite the moment here, and you get to see just what this family is capable of. Well, I have a feeling a lot of death is now coming up very shortly.

"We'll just wait for the coward to come out-"

A man with a gun turns the corner. His eyes are narrowed and full of fury. Papa swiftly shoots him though, making him fall to the ground.

"Stay here."

Papa marches upstairs and I watch the man on the floor. This is the second member of the Woodstruck family that I've had the honor of meeting. He looks me dead in the eye and for some reason cannot look away. Our eyes are locked. I have the urge to say something but don't know what. Papa comes down the stairs dragging a young boy my age behind him.


Well....it seems that that man there is potentially the father that was mentioned earlier and hence why he was only shot so that he'd be unable to interfere rather than actual killing the man...or I think so, it doesn't seem like the man was killed with that..and well this one's father drags out that poor child in record speed here. This is definitely not going to end well.

"Gloriana, meet Brady Woodstruck." Papa says with a grin.

Brady looks horrified. His eyes are so wide that they're practically bulging out of his head. Papa gestures for me to walk towards him and I do. My hand trembles and I nearly drop the knife.

"The fine for a blood offense is blood, Gloriana." Papa says.

Brady is now beginning to cry.

"God, forgive me." I mutter before lifting my knife and plunging it into Brady Woodstruck's neck.


Well...so they did go through with it in the end, not exactly surprising considering the kind of pressure surrounding them, but well, this makes for a very powerful scene regardless. I think you've done a great job here just setting up this horrifying moment and the emotion on the face of the one getting murdered is especially nicely done to just convey how much pain is being caused here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, good continuation from that previous bit, I can't wait to see what happens next here. The background behind this family is still rather vague, but you're doing a good job of painting a picture of what they are generally like and this world that they live in and it is pretty intriguing if also rather horrifying. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— 269609