Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I was breathing fast, my heart beat accelerated and jumped for joy. For once I was happy. After all this time people were finally seeing me. No one ever thought I could do this but they were wrong! A smile was plastered on my face and my eyes filled with only one emotion. Joy. The adrenaline was addicting. It excited me to see the fear in people's eyes as they beg for mercy. I laugh, nothing could satisfy my craving like this could. There screams were like beautiful music and the red that painted the walls was alluring. I loved it. Every second.

I love how dark your short story was! But one thing I would do if I were you, is fix one of the words, "there" You said "there screams" I know it's a small mistake, but it would be nice if you could have the correct word. Instead of there, use their. In one part, "I laugh" The other parts use words like was. Meaning, it's in the past tense. You say, I laugh. Are you suddenly changing tenses for a reason? I really liked your story though and surprisingly, it made me happy. Usually, murder is a very solemn, cold thing. But, I felt pretty warm because of the way you described the murderer's feelings when they murdered people. It made me see a different side of murder. I look forward to reading more of your work and I hope my review helps!

I loved the description, it allowed me to feel what they felt. I especially loved the line: "see the fear in people's eyes as they begged for mercy", it illustrated that this character loved the power that they felt, I would love to see more, maybe longer story where they go about killing their victim. However, remember to re-read your work because you 'there' instead of 'their'.

I'm new to this whole thing, so you don't have to take any of my suggestions.

First off, AHHHHHHHHHH
That whole story was like an oxymoron (excited me to see the fear in people's eyes as they begged for mercy), but it was amazing. Can murder be a happy thing? It was absolutely, for lack of a better word, chilling. To show the side of someone finding such joy in taking others' lives.
But I also took it this way.
The narrator has no idea that what they're doing is wrong. They think it's music. Art. Excitement. Adrenaline. But they can't see what it really is.
12 sentences and you made me think, sending chills all over.
Thank you so much for reading this and I absolutely loved this text.

Aside from some mistakes that have already been pointed out by others such as "there" where there should be "their", I enjoyed this very brief story. Much like two sentence horror stories manage to send chills down the readers' spine in a few simple words and phrases, you manage to do the same here in just one paragraph. Just fix all the mistakes and it will be perfect. Keep writing. I'm definitely looking forward to see what else you write

Hey, Aries! It's ScytheMeister here for a quick review

First of all, I loved the concept of this!

"Can murder be a happy thing?"

The use of the rhetorical question was brilliant, but even more so what it stood for. I must say it worked well with the title, Joy.

However, does the extremity of the title really fit in with the story? I felt that the title and description was portraying something far more malice than what we received; there was a lack of detail: a backstory, a motive, an end game.

Also, the structure most definitely needs improvement. It was cramped together and I felt like it effected the flow of the story.

It should be separated into paragraphs. I'll write an example and include some suggestive changes.

I was breathing fast.

My heart beat was accelerating and jumping for joy. For once, I was happy because even after all this time, people were finally starting to notice the real me. No one ever thought I could do this but they were wrong!

A smile plastered on my face on my face, my eyes filled with that one emotion... Joy.

The adrenaline was addictive; their eyes filled with fear summoned the excitement within me. They're on their knees, begging for mercy. I laugh, nothing could satisfy my craving like this could.

Their screams were like beautiful music and the red that painted the walls was alluring. I loved it. Every second of it.

There screams were like beautiful music and the red that painted the walls was aluring.

"Can murder be a happy thing?"

am i the only one who thought 'as long as im holding the gun'.

No, but really, I think it's a good question but one most people have answered personally for themselves--there's the camp that says "oh ew no" and then theres the camp that says "sometimes" and then theres the camp that says "honestly im so glad video games exist because then i can channel my monstrosity into a non consequential platform". I personally have no real gripe with any of these unless it actually gets somebody killed, because humans are just naturall nuanced and evil so you've come to expect it.

That being said, the topic of disturbing joy found in violent acts has been visited upon, and it's still interesting at least to me, but I don't know how interesting you can make it anymore to anybody who you're appealing to. You could be appealing to the new demon crowd, but the old demons aren't too impressed (sickeningly enough).

I say this a lot, but I think a way of making this text a little more interesting without adding any significant story (I know flash fiction and all that jazz) is by adding more poetry to the text, an actual description of the beauteous moment without flat out saying "it was beautiful" or "i was extremely happy". You already have a good example here:

There screams were like beautiful music and the red that painted the walls was alluring.

No one ever thought I could do this but they were wrong!