This already has me hooked, I'm a fool for mysteries 
, but anyway, so far it's off to a great start and I cant wait to read the next chapters, I hope you do keep continuing this story.
Sirens blared in Albert's ears as sparks flew into his eyes. The firefighters on either side pulled him back, away from the burning house. But he had to go in--he had to save Brook! She was trapped, alone and afraid, with blazing fire on every side--he couldn't leave her. Albert twisted and struggled, trying to wrench his arms from the firefighter's grasp. But their grip was too strong, and they were dragging him back, away from the house as the flames grew taller, straining hungrily for the sky as if they wanted to lick the stars, too. Albert dug his heels into the ground, trying to prevent them from dragging him any further. But it was no use.
"BROOKLYN!"
Albert lurched upright, gasping for breath. His thin nightshirt was plastered to his body with cold sweat, and he was shivering.
Just a dream...just a dream...He told himself, climbing awkwardly out of bed. His limbs were excruciatingly heavy, like someone had filled them with lead as he slept. Shuffling into the bathroom, he stared into the mirror. The man staring back was gaunt and pale, with dark hollows under his eyes and an unshaven, scruffy beard. Albert splashed cold water onto his face, trying to shock himself out of the nightmare. It lingered in his mind like shadows in the cracks of a rock.
As he emerged from the bathroom, his stomach rumbled.
I'd better make myself something to eat.
However, as he made his way toward the kitchen, something caught his eye. The door to his workshop was open, just enough to show the bench in the room beyond. Perched atop that bench amid a nest of sawdust was a beautifully carved wooden fox. It sat staring into the hallway, tail curling neatly around its paws. Albert had been working on it for some time now, carefully shaping it from the trunk of a pine he had cut down from the woods around his house. Foxes were Brooklyn's favorite animal.
As Albert approached the carving, though, he noticed something strange. One of his knives lay at the fox's feet, lying as if it had been dropped there. Albert was always very careful about putting his tools away--leaving them out was the best way to lose them, and he didn't want to make the 2-hour drive into town just for a misplaced item.
"Odd..." The man muttered to himself, picking up the knife. It was slightly warm, as though someone had just been holding it. "Did someone break into my workshop?"
He looked around, scanning for any sign of an intruder. But the shelves were all perfectly straight, stacked with rows of neat little boxes. Every tool was in its place--except for this one, it seemed.
As Albert stared at the knife in his hand, he noticed something else. Carved into the fox's tail were five crude little letters: B-R-O-O-K. There was even a little heart next to the K. Albert's heart skipped a beat, like a branch shuddering in the wind. He reached out and touched the carving, running one calloused finger across the tiny letters.
"Brook," He whispered.
This already has me hooked, I'm a fool for mysteries , but anyway, so far it's off to a great start and I cant wait to read the next chapters, I hope you do keep continuing this story.
I like how mysterious this is, the appearance of the five letters at the end gave me goosebumps. I do wonder who this Brook person is to Albert, as she was in the dream as someone he knew but in real life it seems Albert has no idea who she is besides the carving. I also like the small glimpse of character we get from Albert so far, he seems organized and neat, yet it seems like something must be kind of wrong with him as he has massive bags under his eyes, not to mention that weird dream. I can't wait to read more! and if you wanna @ me next time you post feel free to. one last thing, I am currently writing myself so if you would like to check out this thing that I had sitting on my computer since last summer feel free to: Adventures of an AL. anyway I wish you luck and hope that you can write more soon!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a lovely place to start. We learn quite a lot about Albert and there's also plenty of mystery lurking beneath it all to hook us quite quickly. Its a great combination to have for a first chapter.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Sirens blared in Albert's ears as sparks flew into his eyes. The firefighters on either side pulled him back, away from the burning house. But he had to go in--he had to save Brook! She was trapped, alone and afraid, with blazing fire on every side--he couldn't leave her. Albert twisted and struggled, trying to wrench his arms from the firefighter's grasp. But their grip was too strong, and they were dragging him back, away from the house as the flames grew taller, straining hungrily for the sky as if they wanted to lick the stars, too. Albert dug his heels into the ground, trying to prevent them from dragging him any further. But it was no use.
"BROOKLYN!"
Albert lurched upright, gasping for breath. His thin nightshirt was plastered to his body with cold sweat, and he was shivering.
Just a dream...just a dream...He told himself, climbing awkwardly out of bed. His limbs were excruciatingly heavy, like someone had filled them with lead as he slept. Shuffling into the bathroom, he stared into the mirror. The man staring back was gaunt and pale, with dark hollows under his eyes and an unshaven, scruffy beard. Albert splashed cold water onto his face, trying to shock himself out of the nightmare. It lingered in his mind like shadows in the cracks of a rock.
As he emerged from the bathroom, his stomach rumbled.
I'd better make myself something to eat.
However, as he made his way toward the kitchen, something caught his eye. The door to his workshop was open, just enough to show the bench in the room beyond. Perched atop that bench amid a nest of sawdust was a beautifully carved wooden fox. It sat staring into the hallway, tail curling neatly around its paws. Albert had been working on it for some time now, carefully shaping it from the trunk of a pine he had cut down from the woods around his house. Foxes were Brooklyn's favorite animal.
As Albert approached the carving, though, he noticed something strange. One of his knives lay at the fox's feet, lying as if it had been dropped there. Albert was always very careful about putting his tools away--leaving them out was the best way to lose them, and he didn't want to make the 2-hour drive into town just for a misplaced item.
"Odd..." The man muttered to himself, picking up the knife. It was slightly warm, as though someone had just been holding it. "Did someone break into my workshop?"
He looked around, scanning for any sign of an intruder. But the shelves were all perfectly straight, stacked with rows of neat little boxes. Every tool was in its place--except for this one, it seemed.
As Albert stared at the knife in his hand, he noticed something else. Carved into the fox's tail were five crude little letters: B-R-O-O-K. There was even a little heart next to the K. Albert's heart skipped a beat, like a branch shuddering in the wind. He reached out and touched the carving, running one calloused finger across the tiny letters.
"Brook," He whispered.
Oooh I just really loved this!
The nightmare sequence is such a good opening. The simplicity of it is haunting as well, and leaves lots to the imagination, which is a great choice. I love seeing how much Albert has been affected by the tragedy, but it's also nice to know that at least he's been keeping up a hobby and a way to remember her. It's pretty realistic.
Speaking of realistic though, I can't help but wonder if Brook is a good or bad ghost, or if it's truly brook speaking to him... by how it looks nice, she doesn't seem upset, but who knows what'll happen next. I'll definitely be checking back in!
Hi @Ari11 I'm here to do a short review on your work, so let get right into it shell we.
Albert lurched upright, gasping for breath. His thin nightshirt was plastered to his body with cold sweat, and he was shivering.
Albert had been working on it for some time now, carefully shaping it from the trunk of a pine he had cut down from the woods around his house. Foxes were Brooklyn's favorite animal.
"Odd..." The man muttered to himself, picking up the knife. It was slightly warm, as though someone had just been holding it. "Did someone break into my workshop?"
Albert's heart skipped a beat, like a branch shuddering in the wind. He reached out and touched the carving, running one calloused finger across the tiny letters.
"Brook," He whispered.
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