Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well, as far a previews go, this one is a little bit of a sandwich, I feel like only the first part and the last part actually appear to be talking about the story, and the second feels like its discussing something else entirely but hmm, it was interesting.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Klai was a mamma’s boy. As a child, he was extremely sweet and playful: just a normal kid… well- other than the fact that he was purple.

This is the life story of Klai: a man who shows up in the background of most my other stories and usually plays a small yet important role in them. Because he is at the back of everyone else’s story, I was not going to write his own, but Klai has enough fans asking to read his story that I decided to make it available to the public. For those of you who are knew to this character, he is a dragon-humanoid creature that lives in the fantasy worlds of the OhPal: a magical elf-like race. Among Other Things, Klai Was Purple is a somewhat serious drama revolving around people: their development, and lives.

Klai’s various adventures include dealing with being the only person of his race, sacrificing his dream for the sake of someone else, discovering new unconventional ways to achieve his dreams, helping his king brother cover up royal scandals, protecting his family from a monster, and inter-dimensional bar-tending.

Hey there Areonn. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

I think you should know, that there is a forum for synopsises. I can't remember where it's located at the moment but I believe it's under either Writing Activities or Writers Corner. The activities forum is more for rating someone else's pitch and then waiting for your own to get rated. The corner is just pitching ideas and getting feedback from lots of people.

It's been a long time since I've seen a synopsis/summary posted as a separate literary work. They're always fun to review but there a couple of things I need to mention right off the bat.
1. Get rid of the emoticons at the end. Yes its separate from the story but we don't really do that here. Also make sure to keep them out of the actual chapters.
2. Pictures might be better if you decide to go with a forum post. They don't really blend in well with the actual text. I would delete it from the text, upload it to imgur to get the url, then insert into the comment field. That way people still get to see the artwork, it just doesn't interfere with the story.
3. Separate the authors note better at the end. You didn't really give a signal so the reader can't tell it from the rest. Just put something like 'Author's Note:' at the top. And then the problem is solved.

Now onto the actual review.

I was intrigued by the mixture of this alien. I mean how often do you come across Dragon-elven. Not very often folks. This part sounds really good but the pitch is off to me.
-Up at the top, I think the ellipsis should be moved over to 'well'. Then it's like you're leading off in thought and snap back just in time to say what's different about this kid.
-It's nice that you have this sort of writing background but you don't have a character background. You're telling me how you came to write about Klai but not his life. This is the part that really doesn't fit. I think you really need to ditch this unnecessary info dump and give some actual information of Klai.
-Once you got further on, it turned out alright. You might even be able just to keep that one part unless you'd like the summary to be longer.

I'll probably read and review the first chapter when it comes out. If you. Could just tag me by posting it on my wall that'd be great.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Goddess of Math

Royal here for a quick review! First, welcome to YWS!
I don't see a lot of story synopses here, so it's a welcome change!
So first, a quick typo: you said "knew" when you meant "new." No worries otherwise.
I like the idea of this story! I like the idea of interdimensional bartending, and I love the fact that this is like the origin story of a character that's shown up in your writing before. I'm usually not a fan of fantasy, but this sounds cool! Also, props on the artwork!