I'm the burning man
Flames only rivalled by the sun
Gonna need a million fans
Still ain't enough to put out the fun
Don't try and start a fire, honey
I'm already ablaze
Don't try and start a fire, bunny
I can see you're amazed
I'm the burning man
Most exciting guy in town
With just one flick of my hand
I can burn any village down
Don't try and start a fire, honey
I'm already ablaze
Don't try and start a fire, bunny
I can see you're amazed
It's hard being the burning man
Eventually I'll go out
For now I've gotta do all I can
And hope every year's a drought
Don't try and be a hero, honey
Buckets of water don't help
Don't try and be a martyr, bunny
It won't aid your health
I'm the burning man
Flames only rivalled by the sun
Gonna need a million fans
Still ain't enough to put out the fun
Don't try and start a fire, honey
I'm already ablaze
Don't try and start a fire, bunny
I can see you're amazed
I can see you're amazed
I assure you I won't fade
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Can I just tell you, that this is absolutely perfect.
I love reading poems like this because they're so different, yet so great.
You're a really good actor, and you deserve my like, and my follow.
Thanks for being such a good writer.
You don't exactly find poems like this a lot.
Hey Adam
It's me..
I really loved this! It's so different to the usual romantic/slushy style of lyrics that I've experienced on here before. I'd be really interested in knowing what kind of music you would put this with? I think a kind of rocky feel would be schamazing!
I love how up tempo it feels even though I haven't heard any music! Strange how your brain does that, right?
My favourite line: I'm the burning man
Flames only rivalled by the sun.
I have to agree with, Fortis where she mentions the 'bunny' rhyme. I'm not a massive fan but, then again, I can't think of anything that could go in it's place. Fat lot of help I am!
I'm by no means a poet, so I have no idea what sort of technical pointers I could give you. I like the repetition as I am a professional chorus girl! haha! I never know any of the other lyrics to songs.
Olive <3
I think other people who reviewed this had a point. I felt like throughout the lyrics, you had an ABAB forced rhyme. It felt like you were rhyming just to rhyme. That's okay... as long as you pull it off naturally.
Now, I just have one other tiny nitpick.
I think the rhythm in this last line would be so much better if you changed "any" in the last line to "a".
Other than that, I loved the idea behind this song. I loved the idea of the burning man. I do have one question, however. Did you just decide to write about a random burning man, or does he symbolize something?
Anyway, I hope this review helped. Keep Writing!
-Gravity
Heya!
I really enjoyed this poem/these lyrics. One thing I'll say upfront is I think as a poem, I don't like the repetition of the chorus, maybe you could've put it under a "CHORUS" marker and referred back to it, because I felt like you were repeating yourself a little too often.
One more bad thing till I get to the goods, I didn't really like when you rhymed honey with bunny. That might just be a personal preference.
But I LOVE the imagery. Especially all the heat imagery. That was what really made this poem great I think. I also liked most of the rhymes. I'm not going to say they were subtle, but these are lyrics, so I think we can be lenient here. I'd maybe suggest a few periods here and there, but it's readable with out them. It might show your reader how the rhythm goes better though. I also like the slightly menacing, very confident, maybe over confident, which fit the subject matter very well. Great job! I loved it. One of your best poems I think. ^^
~fortis
..this sums you up quite perfectly ._.
Hey, Lastsilverh3r0 here to review you!
This was a very interesting lyric that you wrote. It sounds pretty professional, the only part that I thought was strange was the areas where you used the word "bunny." Maybe there's some hidden meaning behind it that I don't understand, but it still sounds a bit awkward to me. If it were me I'd probably just find a new word and rhyme it with something else for that chorus. But it's your lyrics, I was just giving some criticism I saw. But I did think that this was a good sounding song. Personally, I read it in a voice that sounded like Oliver Sykes from Bring Me The Horizon (a metal-core band if you are unfamiliar with it). Thanks for this post, and I look forward to more!