Slump

by Ardor
  • March 6, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Narrative · Other
Distressed:
down in a hole
People:
they'll never know
Friendships:
they never last
Lovers:
dead as the snow

In a slump.
Nothing to do.
In a slump.
Comments & reviews · 2
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Cailey
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Cailey commented · Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:55 am

I agree, add an introduction that ties in with the conclusion. Also, punctuation in the first stanza, I thought you meant people never knew friendships. So, you could clear that up by adding punctuation. Also, I like dead as the snow. Add some more imagery to the other lines and that could help a lot. :) Hope this review was in some way helpful or something. Keep writing!

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tgirly
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tgirly commented · Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:45 pm

I really like the format of this poem, the word and the description. I feel like something with the "slump" part should be at the beginning too so that it all fits. But then again I kind of like how it's just a short little poem thats straight to the point. Keep writing, thanks for sharing the poem!

Tgirly



The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451