Doctrine To Eliminate Alien Species For Good & Forever

by Ardor

Published December 22, 2013

12+ Violence Mature Content

The pain doesn't cease
Tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
Mockery by the new ages
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for moneyed classes
Which poke me with their canes
Like some informal disease

There is no way out
There is no way out

The rope on my wrists
Burns through my hard skin
Blood spills so slow and cold
That I can no longer stand
Hanging by the arms
I am the main attraction
Nothing worthy of note
Like some informal disease

There is no way out
There is no way out

The man at the circus
Theatrical clad cape
"Step right up for tonight's show!"
And there I am still hanging
On the cusp of the line
The children scream for their lives
Not yet cut down or cured
Like some informal disease

There is no way out
There is no way out

The pain doesn't cease
Tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
Mockery by the new ages
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for moneyed classes
Which poke me with their canes
Like some informal disease

There is no way out
There is no way out

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Renard
Review
Renard wrote a review Review · Dec 26, 2013

'Mockery by the new ages'

As with most of your works, there is a serious underlying issue.

This line monopolises the view throughout the entire work. :)

'Blood spills so slow and cold' When it comes to you, I don't think we can ever have enough blood. It has slowly become a motif of your work; and it helps build with the theatrical feel of this piece. :)

'A dancing monkey for moneyed classes.'
This is all very monkey and organ grinder. Which is very appropriate; and I'm sure you did this on purpose.

It reinforces the idea that:
'There is no way out.' O.O

defiantAuthoress wrote a review Review · Dec 22, 2013

Wow! I really like the concept of this poem, it's very gripping and visceral. It really makes me wonder what's going on in this horrible society, and piques my interest. I especially like the repetitiveness of the "there is no way out", I feel like it really adds to the poem.
If there's anything I would like to suggest, is that sometimes your phrasing doesn't line up with the poem now. It's very block-y and doesn't allow the poem to build into the cacophony that I think it's meant to feel like, it hinders the climax. I think this could be remedied by doing some small things, like reworking the phrasing a little in each verse. Try reading it aloud to see how you could improve it?
For example, your first verse could be easily improved by doing something like this:
"The pain won't cease
I'm tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
by the new age
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for high classes
Who poke me with their canes
Like I'm some disease"
Overall, I really like this poem and I hope you do more with it! :) Thank you, and happy writing!



I am proud of my self, the reason why some of you might disagree with me a little with, but nevertheless I still proud.
— Oxara