Published December 22, 2013
The pain doesn't cease
Tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
Mockery by the new ages
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for moneyed classes
Which poke me with their canes
Like some informal disease
There is no way out
There is no way out
The rope on my wrists
Burns through my hard skin
Blood spills so slow and cold
That I can no longer stand
Hanging by the arms
I am the main attraction
Nothing worthy of note
Like some informal disease
There is no way out
There is no way out
The man at the circus
Theatrical clad cape
"Step right up for tonight's show!"
And there I am still hanging
On the cusp of the line
The children scream for their lives
Not yet cut down or cured
Like some informal disease
There is no way out
There is no way out
The pain doesn't cease
Tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
Mockery by the new ages
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for moneyed classes
Which poke me with their canes
Like some informal disease
There is no way out
There is no way out
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
'Mockery by the new ages'


As with most of your works, there is a serious underlying issue.
This line monopolises the view throughout the entire work.
'Blood spills so slow and cold' When it comes to you, I don't think we can ever have enough blood. It has slowly become a motif of your work; and it helps build with the theatrical feel of this piece.
'A dancing monkey for moneyed classes.'
This is all very monkey and organ grinder. Which is very appropriate; and I'm sure you did this on purpose.
It reinforces the idea that:
'There is no way out.' O.O
Wow! I really like the concept of this poem, it's very gripping and visceral. It really makes me wonder what's going on in this horrible society, and piques my interest. I especially like the repetitiveness of the "there is no way out", I feel like it really adds to the poem.
Thank you, and happy writing!
If there's anything I would like to suggest, is that sometimes your phrasing doesn't line up with the poem now. It's very block-y and doesn't allow the poem to build into the cacophony that I think it's meant to feel like, it hinders the climax. I think this could be remedied by doing some small things, like reworking the phrasing a little in each verse. Try reading it aloud to see how you could improve it?
For example, your first verse could be easily improved by doing something like this:
"The pain won't cease
I'm tied up to the line
Hung out for some mockery
by the new age
Put on like a show
A dancing monkey for high classes
Who poke me with their canes
Like I'm some disease"
Overall, I really like this poem and I hope you do more with it!