Death Scene

I think you did a good job getting inside a serial killers' head, in that the narrator just looks at the whole thing as a big, fun, risky game and doesn't think any of it's a big deal...not to mention the creepy bit with the arousal and the dead flesh, which, if you've learned anything about serial killers (and I'm assuming you have) is pretty realistic in some cases, even if those of us who are not psychopaths are a bit creeped out by it.

The only complaint I have is the line "this is by no means being rude." For one thing, the ordering of the words is awkward. (Actually, my fiance would probably say it that way but he uses words incorrectly and awkwardly all the time, so what does he know?)

For another thing, this line immediately follows the bit about the odor of decaying flesh penetrating the narrator's food. It seems, in fact, to refer to that bit...but although odor can be "rude" in an archaic sense (wherein a "rude odor" would be an "offensive odor"), I doubt your narrator means it that way since he (she?) doesn't seem the archaic-words type (considering use of "ya," "gonna," "gotta," "all that jazz," and "cat and mouse").

Plus, in that case you wouldn't say the odor is being rude...you would just call it a rude odor.

Basically, the line just sounds like you needed a rhyme for "food," so you went with "rude" and figured out a line to go along with that word choice. It stands out from the rest of the poem because it's so awkward and almost nonsensical. So I definitely suggest revising that line.

Also, the line where you say "it's arousing me" would read better as "it arouses me." Small thing, but it just reads more naturally that way.

I also don't at all understand the line about "ya look like a good head rest," but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one.

Other than those three lines, though, I think this is pretty strong. The casual wording was a god choice, and there's a lot of good (if vile) imagery here.

Blue

Hey

Judging from what is displayed in this work, you clearly have a major serial killer obsession. which is cool I guess. Since this is a review, I won't be making an distaseful jokes, but believe me, there are plenty.

I noticed blood and guts seems to be a strong motif throughout this work:

'a blood stain'
'I've gotta a bone to pick outta the pile'

The whole thing is very colloquial and casual. Which makes it seem like this 'game of cat and mouse' isn't that much of a big deal. Which is something serial killers seem to go through, so that's accuratel presented. Well done.

I have highlighted what I feel to be the best lines out of the piece:

'Of the body count rising in my cellar



The view is desolate, the smell is vile



But to me it's Cinderella



And it's arousing me to no end'

Now, I have chosen these beacause:
1. They have dark humour in them
2. Aptly, the describe the subject of your work
3. The comparison used in reference to Cinderella was incredibly intelligent of you
4. And the final mention of arousal hacks into the deeper psyche of your killer character here

I think this work is really strong, it has lots of merits I don't have time to list.
But basically, you're writing about something in a really warped way, but that makes sense. Perfect sense in fact.
You are a very talented writer. Well done.
Loving it.