Published January 4, 2014
The 4th apostrophe on the 5th word
An error in SPaG; an error in syntax
I am moving between waterfalls
Every step I'm facing new facts
Don't you know it's a trap?
Don't flatter yourself baby
You are no special snowflake
You don't know what the answer may be
You claim to have a brain
But we all know it's just brawn
Appearance over content
You're only just a pawn
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
This was an interesting poem. I wasn't exactly sure what I should take from it. The meaning behind it was a little clouded with your open ended questions and explanations and such.
Since I don't understand it very well (enlighten me if you will) I can't criticize it, but,
"Every step I'm facing new facts
Don't you know it's a trap?
Don't flatter yourself baby
You are no special snowflake
You don't know what the answer may be"
I do like this part, as it seems to sum up the adventure of life. The last two lines do the same, and really put it into perspective that, just because something is popular, doesn't mean it's good. Can't stand it when people act like that. But, you almost have to feel sorry for the popular thing.
Thank you 567ajt!
Heggo Baby < 33333
So... review time.
The 4th apostrophe on the 5th word - I always comment when people use numbers as numerals in their work as opposed to writing them, which is the proper formatting. But it's you. So I don't want to criticise
An error in SPaG; an error in syntax - good points, even though you sound a bit like my old teacher. XD Lulz
I am moving between waterfalls - this line makes a pretty, transcendental image.
Every step I'm facing new facts - good summary of life, me thinks. Scarily accurate.
Don't you know it's a trap? - I < 3 rhetorical questions, especially ambiguous and this makes me think.
Don't flatter yourself baby - this line sounds really personal and gives a cheeky voice to the narrator.
You are no special snowflake - odd use of terminology. But I like the alliteration.
You don't know what the answer may be - and you don't clarify this for the reader. Clever.
You claim to have a brain - little bit insulting. But good point.
But we all know it's just brawn - I have said this to you, but I love the way you take existing proverbs and phrases and f*** with them and make them your own. < 3
Appearance over content - just perfection. In three little words.
You're only just a pawn - now I am thinking of a chessboard. But I know what you mean. You capture the idea of the 'game of life' really well here.
So... you improve by, changing the numbers at the beginning and maybe making the piece longer? Because I like reading more or what you write because I think it's really good. Truly. Das it.
-hugs-
~ Girlfriend of SexyFace, Talented Writer Bum
Hey!
This is certainly not the first lyrical work by you that I've read. I always enjoy your works, but this one, to me, is so far the best by you. The beginning is so out of routine and so fresh, it totally caused me to wonder for a second," Man! Can something like that relate to a person?", cool!
The finishing stanza, "You claim to have a brain; but we all know it's a brawn; Appearance over content; you're only just a pawn", I adored this the most, I mean it's meaningful but funny. I wonder if you sing too?
Anyways, wonderful !!
~MarS