.

OMG OMG OMG

I am so excited to find that this is a series of yours and I am just loving the theme.

'Blankess' is just brilliant! Don't you think?

I am rushing this review slightly, because there is so much I want to say, but I just can't find the words.
It seems that you couldn't either.

But we'll look past that. XD

Another brilliant work.
Well done. XD

Ummmm..... Am I missing something? I don't see anything here.

On the other hand, this poem was sweet thoughtful, and very outright.

I only found a few spelling mistakes towards the end. You spelled mushrooms mooshrooms.

Thanks for another good poem?








(I haven't read any others)

I quite liked this piece - it was thematic and emotional, whilst the whole time keeping a good rhythm. No nitpicks to be honest, just in general it read like a song for me. I was listening to Pumped Up Kicks at the time, so maybe that's why, but I liked the eerie thoughts you entangled along with the self-destructive and despairing imagery. It worked really well for me.

Okay this is my third attempt at writing a review so forgive me if this is super brief but my computer is maddening. But what I'm trying to say is you wrote a great poem, it had a lot of energy in its imagery.
The only thing I would say is-- if this poem is not going to make a lot of sense, then you are just playing with the language. So embrace the idea of playing-- really twist the language into something fresh and new. And make sure that it keeps a sort of inner rhythm.
I don't want to tell you how to change your poem, so I'll just outline the bits that I think needed some work.

567ajt wrote:Blood in my ears and eyes like ice- don't move

567ajt wrote:I see you in my room; I think of your friend

567ajt wrote:Steering away from my face- series

This is a very interesting piece. I like near the end with the repetition of the, "Hanging Garden" and how everything is sown up at the end. Great job keep writing:D